Help desire to CTB after university graduation

[ohmydays]

im slowly losing hope that things will get better. graduating next week from university, but i feel more and more dread as the days pass on. my parents are proud of me, and i feel gulity for feeling this way. i hated my college experience, with the crippling depression making me struggle to integrate. the only thing that kept me going was my partner/best friend of four years, but we broke up because his mother passed away and hes been a wreck to the point of isolation. i miss him everday but he shuts me out so i genuinely feel so alone.

job hunting has been a nightmare despite having previous internship experience. keep on making it to final rounds of interviews but getting rejected each time in the end. i have no motivation nor desire to do anything anymore. i just sleep and go to class and sleep again. i just want to sleep forever. i want to disappear and not have to worry about my future because it feels so bleak. however, im also terrified of actually attempting to CTB because of failure or pain. i want to overdose but i dont even know how to go about that. just looking for options at this point.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I think your biggest issue rn is breaking up with your partner. You're still very young. Is your college degree that bad that you do not have any job opportunities? Give yourself some time off, maybe a year! You parents should support it. In the meantime you can prepare a method just in the case there's no other way and life does not chance in a way you expect it to be.

Finishing college and having a degree doesn't make you a failure at all!!

 

[ohmydays]

I think your biggest issue rn is breaking up with your partner. You're still very young. Is your college degree that bad that you do not have any job opportunities? Give yourself some time off, maybe a year! You parents should support it. In the meantime you can prepare a method just in the case there's no other way and life does not chance in a way you expect it to be.

Finishing college and having a degree doesn't make you a failure at all!!

on the contrary, my degree is in computer science and thats the part thats frustrating. honestly i dont even know what to do if i were to decide to take a year off.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

on the contrary, my degree is in computer science and thats the part thats frustrating. honestly i dont even know what to do if i were to decide to take a year off.

I wish I had a degree in computer science and I knew how to code. As you're graduating now I'm more than double your age. I think you have great opportunities in regards of getting a job but you'd also would need a goal in your life, probably that is an issue if you do not have one and you see no purpose in what you're doing. The whole thing is complex - CTB can and is always an option but should be the last one to take, especially when being young, there're still many options.