Depressed by being forced to live with selfish family member who has caused so much unhappiness

[BeautifulMosaics]

I have been living with my mother and paying her 60% of the benefits I get for years now. I have never left home apart from university for a year and living with another relative. Our family history is not the best. I have mental health issues and have not been able to function in life as an adult but now I am feeling like I need my own place.

A family member who lives a "free spirited" life and whom I've had a bad history with got themselves deported from another country due to not wanting to follow the very simple visa rules out of a "why should I?" attitude. This person has gotten thousands from our mother, they've moved back here - after saying they'd go live with another relative I found out today they're going to be staying for months. I wasn't asked about this at all. Since this person stayed I've had a physical, visceral reaction to them being in the house due to our bad history, not knowing them and just a simple energy clash. I booked an airbnb and wasted MY rare relief money to get out of this situation I was overeating and waking up depressed by. I was told they'd be gone by this weekend but I find out they're staying months.

I pay 60% of my income to our mother. They pay nothing and if anything have received thousands from our mother and have never paid back. I have been living here for fµck!ng years yet I'm just expected to deal with the visceral, physical depression and reaction I get from this person's presence because they don't want to travel far from work? So YOU got yourself deported with nowhere to go, and I who is paying for where I live am supposed to just accept how poor my mental health is because of this. My suffering is worth less than you travelling because of a situation you got yourself in?

I can't do months of this. I can't be in this situation. I was honestly planning on killing myself at the end of the weekend. We had a chat but it's not enough. I simply do not want to be in this situation. I'm so depressed I missed two job interviews that I really could've done with. I don't have the money to rent on my own. In order to claim help for rent you first have to have a place to stay. I am already depressed enough without this sh!t. I am sick of this and it's not fair that the person that is paying is the one who should be displaced. I'm going to say something tomorrow because I can't live in this situation. Why should I have to be the one to leave - the one who is suicidal, who is actually paying their way and who DIDN'T cause this situation.

If I wasn't so depressed it wouldn't be so hard to find my own place. I don't have the energy for this and I don't see why it should have to be me to leave. Yes, I want to get my own place but it would've been nice to not have to do this in a suicidal state of mind with no energy whatsoever. This person has caused so much chaos in my life through their selfish behaviour and I never want to have to rely on our mother for a roof because she is clearly always going to chose disfunction despite the mental health ramifications which I have experienced time and time again.

I am PISSED. It's the entitlement that pisses me off. How dare they come back and expect me to just deal with this, I SHOULD NOT be the one to have to leave.

I am honestly so tempted to just drink the SN, if someone could talk to me I would really appreciate it. I just need to vent. I can't do months of this and I don't see how this is going to work. She will always choose this relative over me, so I - the suicidal, depressed person who actually PAYS their fucking way is going to have to leave (and not immediately btw, council housing may take months I'll probably have to go private which I SO resent), the narcissist who does whatever they want because they know there'll always be this cushion is going to push me out of my home I've lived in and paid towards for fucking years.

This is the last time I ever rely on this person for a roof, she will ALWAYS choose this disfunctional person at the expense of my mental health. It's happened TWICE before. I never left because I didn't have the strength/capacity and I guess I still had some resillience in me. But I am TIRED AND SO CLOSE TO BEING MENTALLY BROKEN. And I have already suffered a week long breakdown due to the threat of homelessness due to this very same fucking person, which took so much out of me.

I will NEVER let this bitch put me in this position again.

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

Going to confront them all asking him to leave and explain that I don't think it's right I should leave as the depressed, suicidial person who is paying rent here while he pays nothing and is only here because of his arrogant, selfish decisions. Please give me some sort of pep talk, I really don't like confrontation. I am so mentally tired and depressed, I just feel like I can't do this. I am tired of being displaced in my own home because of them and their poor decisions (it's happened before). Please just help me do this, just need the words and emotional support.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Sounds like my family, except it was my mom who had to support her psychopath mom and useless brother (not me since I never asked to be born and now since she brought me into this life so it's her responsibility now) who end up taking everything single thing from ther and by extension, me.

I don't do emotional support, I don't pep talk, I do nothing. But killing youself before spending all your money on whatever youl leave them in a bad situation and funny situation.

 

[BeautifulMosaics]

Did you get away from them?

I don't have the money to leave permanetly on my own today. I could ask her for my savings but what can I do immediately now? If he refuses to leave I'll either have to stay in an airbnb or with family friend. I feel like a burden asking a family friend. Family is out of the question since I already stayed with one and don't want to feel like a burden. I have a family friend I could stay with and volunteer but it's not a good place to work and with my mental health I can't handle it. Why should I have to leave and disrupt myself for someone else. It wouldn't be a long term solution, why should I be someone else's problem because of him and his selfish, arrogant decisions? I am so sick of this person inflicting their bad decisions onto me.

I called the samaritans but they guy just wanted to push me off and say call my family friend, but it's not a solution because how can I stay with a non relative in my state? I need to get better and heal. I just don't see any viable way out.