Venting Dealing with gender dysphoria and distractions

[7thundercloud]

I haven't been on this site in awhile but here I am again. I don't really have anyone else to speak to about how I feel, talking to my mom is no help. I felt a little better over the summer when I started working and kept myself distracted, but my anxiety is still the same. Always something to worry about for me. My gender dysphoria has also been eating me alive lately. I've been working out and have lost a lot of weight, but I still feel so disgusting in my body. This whole summer has just been hell for my dysphoria. I go back to school in the fall, and I feel like I'll only get worse. I'm honestly so tired of living this repeated cycle over and over again. I feel good then I feel bad, but I'm not really feeling good because of certain things, but it's okay because I'm "distracted". I'm always maladaptive day dreaming and pretending to be someone else who goes through considerably worse things than I do, but they're able to be happy because they have someone. It's depressing to admit this, but sometimes I pretend to get into arguments with characters in my head whilst im playing someone else, then we make up and I cuddle my pillow to fall asleep pretending its the person I am with in said scenario. I guess I'm lonely, but part of my dysphoria makes me feel so disgusted in myself that being myself and pretending to have a girlfriend feels gross. I can't imagine myself with another person, I can only pretend to be someone else and imagine having a girlfriend. I usually pretend to be some fictional characters I have in my head. Man, I want to end it so bad but I'm so scared. I'm tired of this endless cycle. If you read this, thanks.

 

[MrSpaghetti]

My ex was trans and he struggled with gender dysphoria quite a bit, he told me how awful it made him feel. I'm sorry you have to feel that way too.

 

[ablationaaa457]

I'm not sure if this will help you, but I can say that you're not alone. Personally, I have also experienced similar things with that sort of maladaptive daydreaming and my own dysphoria; it's often easier for me to just escape into my own headspace instead of dealing with reality, where I pretend that I'm someone else living a completely different life. I'm afraid that I don't have any solutions myself (a big part is because I'm still searching for these solutions). For what it's worth (even if very little), consuming lots of fiction (and occasionally writing, purely for my own perusal) where I'm the right gender does provide some form of temporary relief for me, personally.