Venting dealing with feeling invisible

[frail]

dont know how to explain it. but the one thing i crave the most right now in my current lowest-low state is my friends reaching out to show they care. but instead, theres silence. and that makes it hurt even more, because -- if they cared, they would say something or show they care about me, right? or ask how im doing? why im withdrawing?

but no such thing happens. so i withdraw more, because i feel like they actually dont care -- if they did, they wouldve showed this by now. i feel the hole in my chest growing more each day and getting no texts from them unless i text first is getting to me. its so stupid lol. i feel insane for even caring about this shit. but it makes it easier for me to feel like disappearing wouldnt be so complicated. because if they dont care now, they wouldnt care then either, right? it wouldnt really be a big difference to how things are now, maybe even less annoying for them. i dont get it.

its dumb. i just want someone i love to genuinely show they see me. being seen has felt impossible for 90% of my life. even in my art/music, nothing is ever shown toward me. i can post my songs in discords or send them to friends and usually receive no reply. so if im gone, itd be the same thing, theyre not responding anyway while im here. im just typing a stream of consciousness i guess. reading this back its just embarassing. how do you even deal with this.


im literally sitting in a call rn and just listening to my friends hacve a good time with eachother and i feel fucking invisible hahaa

 

[Dr.Duck]

I don't know what to say. Best wishes to you, I hope that you'll find someone who will see you.

 

[lastsunset]

I

dont know how to explain it. but the one thing i crave the most right now in my current lowest-low state is my friends reaching out to show they care. but instead, theres silence. and that makes it hurt even more, because -- if they cared, they would say something or show they care about me, right? or ask how im doing? why im withdrawing?

but no such thing happens. so i withdraw more, because i feel like they actually dont care -- if they did, they wouldve showed this by now. i feel the hole in my chest growing more each day and getting no texts from them unless i text first is getting to me. its so stupid lol. i feel insane for even caring about this shit. but it makes it easier for me to feel like disappearing wouldnt be so complicated. because if they dont care now, they wouldnt care then either, right? it wouldnt really be a big difference to how things are now, maybe even less annoying for them. i dont get it.

its dumb. i just want someone i love to genuinely show they see me. being seen has felt impossible for 90% of my life. even in my art/music, nothing is ever shown toward me. i can post my songs in discords or send them to friends and usually receive no reply. so if im gone, itd be the same thing, theyre not responding anyway while im here. im just typing a stream of consciousness i guess. reading this back its just embarassing. how do you even deal with this.


im literally sitting in a call rn and just listening to my friends hacve a good time with eachother and i feel fucking invisible hahaa

I hear you. I have this too with most of my friends. Its kind of terrifying people really dont give af most of the times. But you're not invisible here and I don't think you sound stupid at all. I think you explained it perfectly.