Discussion Dead members

[MorsVenit]

So as I understand it, when somoene's name is crossed out here on the forum it means that they have died, if that is wrong plese correct me.
With that in mind, for those that regularly frequent this forum and perhps have thus "witnessed" one of their digital acquaintances die; What or how does it make you feel when you see someones name crossed out and you realise that this person is dead?
Does it make you feel sad, happy for them perhaps or does it just leave you cold and you dont give it any thought?

 

[Silent Raindrops]

It's a possibility they are gone, but there's also those who either left the site willingly and deleted their account, or they were banned.

 

[Unsure and alone]

Then how do you tell the difference between dead and left ?

 

[thinvy]

the goodbye threads are sad, not gonna lie. it's especially saddening when someone from here who was very kind catches their bus, but it's not sadness that they're gone, per say. It's more like a melancholy happiness if that makes sense. I'm saddened that anyone is suffering so much that they choose to die, but I also believe that we should all have the right to choose our own end (within reason).

So yeah. I'm glad when people are successful on here. I'm sad they're gone, and that they suffered, but I'm happy for them to no longer have to go through each long awful fucking day anymore. I'm happy for them, knowing that someone was there to witness them in some way before/in their last moments, that they're not really alone. that's why I like it here.

but yeah, as the person two above me said, not everyone with a crossed out name is dead, necessarily. some people have just gone inactive for a period of time for a myriad of reasons, or they decided to get better and take recovery seriously and asked to be banned. it's not always possible to distinguish which is the case, but I hope for the best outcome for everyone when I don't know the answer.

 

[Silent Raindrops]

Then how do you tell the difference between dead and left ?

There's no way to really tell when the names are crossed out. The site don't advertise who's been banned, ctb, or just left the site.

Some of the users names aren't crossed out, but they haven't posted in quite some time, did they ctb, or just quit coming here? We will never know.

 

[Unsure and alone]

There's no way to really tell when the names are crossed out. The site don't advertise who's been banned, ctb, or just left the site.

Some of the users names aren't crossed out, but they haven't posted in quite some time, did they ctb, or just quit coming here? We will never know.

So many questions left unanswered .
I had thought the crossed out ones were the ones it was at least known they died.

 

[Guy_Smiley]

There is a megathread called User Discussion in the Offtopic forum where you can inquire why a member's name was crossed out (e.g. CTB, banned, or they requested to be deleted).

 

[Forever Sleep]

As other people have mentioned, it could also mean a ban or, they decided to leave the forum. As Guy Smiley just said, there's the 'User Discussion' thread to ask around.

Also, if you click on a person's username and then, click on 'messages' beneath- they will be listed and you can do your own detective work. If they made a goodbye thread a week ago and requested mods to delete their account- it's possibly CTB. If they were arguing with other members and overstepping boundaries- maybe a ban. Some people let everyone know they are leaving the forum. Sometimes, we just don't know though.

As to how it makes me feel. A whole mixture of things. Sad in a general way because that's another person who has potentially taken their own life because their suffering had gotten so bad. At the same time though, relieved for them because, their struggle is now over. If it's someone I 'knew' more, there will be a more selfish, personal sadness- because I miss them. We're only human. We may be pro-choice but, we're only human. Plus, uncertainty because we don't usually know for sure. The same goes for active members who haven't been on the forum for months. You have to wonder whether they are still with us.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

A crossed out name just means that the account is banned. That's all. The ban could be due to a confirmed death or it could be that they recovered and asked the moderators to ban their account as they no longer want to see this site

 

[Captive_Mind515]

A crossed out name just means that the account is banned. That's all. The ban could be due to a confirmed death or it could be that they recovered and asked the moderators to ban their account as they no longer want to see this site

I seen one user online several times, even though their a/c had been crossed out for several months. I was kind of shocked to see it... but then I just assumed that maybe one of their friends or family members had access to their a/c after they ctb'd. I didn't really know the person well enough to send a message and probably none of my business anyway.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

If the death is confirmed (or essentially so) I can't help but wonder if they could have found another way or moved past their pain. Terrible feeling in more than one sense I know...

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I seen one user online several times, even though their a/c had been crossed out for several months. I was kind of shocked to see it... but then I just assumed that maybe one of their friends or family members had access to their a/c after they ctb'd. I didn't really know the person well enough to send a message and probably none of my business anyway.

There's a feature on this site where you can choose when your messages get sent. For example, I could get this message to send to you in a day despite posting this now. It's possible that they wrote some messages whilst they were here to send a couple of months after their ban or death. The reason as to why users get crossed out over their confirmed death is because so that their family can't access their account

 

[rozeske]

I seen one user online several times, even though their a/c had been crossed out for several months. I was kind of shocked to see it... but then I just assumed that maybe one of their friends or family members had access to their a/c after they ctb'd. I didn't really know the person well enough to send a message and probably none of my business anyway.

That seems a bit weird...if they posted long after their last seen it means it's a scheduled message. But if you are repeatedly seeing them online after their name crossed out, I don't know how that happens. After an account is banned you or others can't really access it unless the account is unbanned.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

That seems a bit weird...if they posted long after their last seen it means it's a scheduled message. But if you are repeatedly seeing them online after their name crossed out, I don't know how that happens. After an account is banned you or others can't really access it unless the account is unbanned.

They posted a goodbye thread and were a well known (and well liked) member. They didn't make any more posts after their name was crossed out, I just seen they were online. This is why I assumed it was maybe a family member or something logging into their a/c?

Perhaps you can still access the a/c but just not use it, unless you request to get it unbanned?

 

[rozeske]

They posted a goodbye thread and were a well known (and well liked) member. They didn't make any more posts after their name was crossed out, I just seen they were online. This is why I assumed it was maybe a family member or something logging into their a/c?

Perhaps you can still access the a/c but just not use it, unless you request to get it unbanned?

It could be, I just assumed no access to an account meant not to be seen online at all. Could be worth mentioning the account in the users discussion megathread. We will get an accurate answer from mods.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

It could be, I just assumed no access to an account meant not to be seen online at all. Could be worth mentioning the account in the users discussion megathread. We will get an accurate answer from mods.

Sure, I can dm someone the a/c name if they want to ask mods.

 

[rozeske]

Sure, I can dm someone the a/c name if they want to ask mods.

I can ask, or you could just drop the question and username in the megathread? Or am I missing something?

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

Unless someone makes a goodbye thread/post and you don't hear from them again ever there's no reliable way of telling if they CTB or not. (Well there's not any fully reliable way of knowing just through this site since it's anonymous.)

You can also schedule posts, so you can write a draft goodbye, then schedule it for sometime after you're gone; if you can't overcome SI, change your mind or fail you can always cancel it being posted.

I usually find reading people's last posts to be... Bittersweet, I suppose?
I don't know why I respond to them when the poster is already gone, I can't speak to them beyond the dead; but I still like to wish them peace.
It's a strange feeling. I'll never know how their final minutes felt, I didn't know them in life, they likely never interacted with me, but I am glad they're at peace now.

 

[FutureHanger]

some users I've seen some posts of like @HopefulSleep are a bit surprising cuz seeing so many posts feels like they'll be here forever but it's only when @DeaDBatterYtold me about his planned attempt on last Saturday I felt a little sad since he's like my friend but apart from him only FuneralCry's CTB would be really shocking since it's like she's been here venting about the same topics forever . I'm happy for them tho as I understand why they did it

 

[FuneralCry]

It's nothing to do with any of you if other people decide to ctb or not, has nobody on here ever heard of privacy? And by the way there's literally an option for people to disable their account in settings so I have no idea why people think it always means otherwise, I believe many simply have no more use for the site so they leave.

But I certainly do envy those who managed to ctb, they are the true fortunate ones to me. There is no sadness in permanently being free from this futile and cruel existence, in fact I see ceasing to exist as only something positive as it's the permanent release from all future suffering, I'd see it as better to not exist no matter what.