I really appreciate that you posted this, and I hope the thread doesn't get deleted.
Members need to be aware that shady things do happen on this forum. Personally, I wish there wasn't a Partners Megathread, then there would be less of a lure for perpetrators.
Your story is exactly what I have in the past publicly warned members could happen if they allowed someone else to kill them -- abuse, trafficking, etc. (edit: not blaming you for what was done to you, only highlighting this shit is real).
Posts like yours bring awareness so members can better protect themselves. There are people who use the Partners Megathread to catfish, to emotionally abuse, to get their kicks, to scam, and at worse, what you've written about here. Folks who are in need and desperate may be willing to overlook red flags, and predators rely on this. I'm glad to hear that you and another member took appropriate action. It's empowering to all the genuine folks that you told this story.
I would say to pay attention to someone's presence on the forum if they engage in response to a Partners Megathread post. If there is someone with little public activity like posting or participating in chat, then I would question their motives. If it's someone who has a higher profile presence, I would pay attention to their consistent behaviors, which indicates their character. If one senses a red flag, I would say to always trust that above all else, because a covert manipulator will test with greenlighting, that is, if you're willing to overlook one small bad behavior, then they'll progress to a worse one, and keep progressing.
Some members, when a behavior is called out, may say things like, "Why can't we take people as they are?" or "We shouldn't judge." There is a tendency in an environment like this to want to give the benefit of the doubt and to not cause suffering/instability to people who may actually be suffering/unstable, and to take on blame if the other person reacts by leaving the forum, or is "pushed" to ctb. A genuine perpetrator, however, relies on potential victims giving them the benefit of the doubt, so personally, when my red flag radar is going off, I don't take on what another member thinks and subsequently lower my necessary, self-protective boundaries. Pity and guilt can lower one's defenses to their own detriment, and someone who wants to take from you will often play pity and guilt cards to get what they want. If someone else plays the card for them, even better. That doesn't mean other members are in on the scam with them; many of us have been conditioned to downplay bad behavior and make excuses, and some folks just don't see it. There was a time when I didn't, so I have empathy and compassion for that. If in my past I ever said to someone about a perpetrator's sketchy behavior, "Oh, he's not that bad," I hope they listened to their guts and not to me.
For folks who are uncertain about manipulation tactics, here's a helpful thread. One post in the thread lists behaviors a manipulator will seek to exploit, such as rationalizing their behaviors. What is not listed is what's very important on a forum like this -- exploiting genuine needs and desperation. This thread highlights additional language and tactics a manipulator/perpetrator may use to persuade.
