Daily I wake up with dread

[Tintypographer]

I have to admit that I hate therapy. I hate balancing the time against my work and my life and my responsibilities. My days typically start with calls at 6 am and roll on and therapy involves so much time and work it is a drain. Today I am supposed to meet with my psychiatrist. We go over my meds (I'm on three) and then we discuss how my health is and the reactions with my therapists.

But there is never a solution. There is never a path forward except some type of cognitive reframing. We can't fix the negative people in the world, I can't change the loss of my daughter, I can't not have suicidal ideation simply by cognitive willpower, I can't magically create a better life and I can't create hope. I'm so tired of the pain and the larger rinse repeat of my life. I daydream about dying so that no one can set up meetings with me and need things from me and beg me to solve problems. I don't want this anymore. That's what the therapists can't solve. We can't fix unwinnable situations so you just have to live with it and reframe how you see it. That's the only loop that exists and if it doesn't work for you then you're stuck where I am. I feel that treatment resistant depression is a hell that I woundnt wish on anyone not even my worst enemy.

 

[chocolatebar]

SOrry for being unrelated to your post, but I've been feeling so bad lately, to the point of needing a shamefully high amount of energy to properly comment in posts.

I only wanted to say that you're one of the people who bring me a smile when I see around.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least to me life does just seem to be endless suffering and problems, it's all very tedious and torturous and this is why the thought of non existence appeals to me so much. To die removes the true cause of all problems in the first place which is life itself and of course that's ideal to me. But your feelings are completely understandable, it sounds tiring what you have to endure. Not everyone is meant for this world and that's the reality.

 

[Ali25]

Does anyone know where to get meto

 

[Unending]

The re-framing hasn't ever really worked for me when things were bad enough to need it. I've just recently gotten to the point where I feel like i truly believe that its a waste of time for me, not to say that it won't help anyone, and not to say that there isn't something else out there that can give relief but that's my experience so far. It's one of the more unpleasant things in life when you are trying so hard to hang on and continuously seek help but even the professionals don't do much for you. And yes, I agree treatment resistant depression is a genuine hell. Not at all for the faint of heart or anything like that.