I used to have really good birthdays but this year my lady told me on the phone the day before my bday she didn't love me anymore, this illicited a poor reaction from me, and now I am a piece of shit. Will never be celebrating myself in anyways ever again.
Prefer the idea to CTB at Christmas time knowing everyone is enjoying with their families while the choices I've made in my life have left me completely alone, remote and helpless
As someone with an ex who did they same, I feel your pain. Sometimes people cannot see passed themselves at the harm their actions will cause others. My ex waited 4 days before my birthday to break up with me (we were living together), I spent the next 3 sectioned. Oops. Then he proposed we spend my birthday together as he was still living in the apartment. Emotional roller coaster.
I agree with you on that, especially since I don’t know if I can wait till summertime. Though I’m sorry to hear you’re alone, it can’t be easy with the holiday around the corner.
Oh yes, definitely. This year was one of the worst for me. I wanted to forget and ignore it because that was the only way I thought I'd survive it, but I was forced to celebrate. I should have been thankful I have people who care enough to want to do that for me, but it really just made me feel even worse. I didn't think I deserved it, I wanted to be tiny and not exist at all, and on top of that, I didn't properly appreciate any of it. Plus, all I could think of was the money wasted on gifts for a dying person. So much guilt.
I’m sorry to hear that, that’s a lot to hold onto, especially during a time that “supposed” to be fun. Sometimes people just don’t get it &even though, you wanted to be thankful, sometimes there are just other factors that people aren’t aware of. Hopefully that guilt has dissipated to some degree, it can be awfully heavy.
wow i’m in the same situation right now. i’m sorry you feel this way op. my mom keeps bugging me about my plans for my birthday and putting up christmas lights, but she has no idea i’ll ctb before then :(
:[ Now that’s heavy.
I live alone, so I can’t imagine having to go through the motions like that when I have other things in mind. Sorry you have to go through that, hope you find the peace you’re looking for.
My 40th is in 6 weeks. I’m highly tempted to ctb the day before
Sounds like birthday are no fun for you either, though, how come the day before?
Not weird, it's just a common complex I guess since it's supposed to be a happy day/to celebrate the day you were born, it's just made most depressed people more depressed. Especially when you're feeling stuck, having been reminded that you're 1 year older seems like a joke.
Yes, exactly that. It feels like a yearly reminder of “This is it, satisfied?”