Discussion DAE have a strong urge to CTB around their birthday?

[NodusTollens]

This is a pattern I've noticed in myself, where I become glaringly more suicidal in the months leading up to my birthday. I'll be "okay" (using that loosely), for months of the year, then December hits &the decline begins.

Is this weird or am I on to something here?

 

[LonelyDude15]

Men are statistically more likely to CTB on their birthday. Look it up

 

[AutoTap]

Honestly yes because I'll be more anxious because of forced socializing and stuff. Lol

 

[NodusTollens]

Honestly yes because I'll be more anxious because of forced socializing and stuff. Lol

TBH, that does cross my mind, but I also think about how miserable I am, having to live another year...?

 

[flower]

yeah I have an existential crisis every winter and my birthday has a lot to do with it. it's a reminder that another year has passed and I'm still the same, still haven't achieved anything, still sick.

 

[NodusTollens]

yeah I have an existential crisis every winter and my birthday has a lot to do with it. it's a reminder that another year has passed and I'm still the same, still haven't achieved anything, still sick.

This. Worse so when I've leaned into "fixing" my MH & it backfires. I feel hopeless. Why bother. Ugh.

How do you deal with it?

 

[MindFog]

Yes, It felt like a reminder of why i haven't ctb yet. I feel sick celebrating because i know all of this will go down the drain once it's over.

Not to mention the attention I get, makes me stressed.

 

[flower]

This. Worse so when I've leaned into "fixing" my MH & it backfires. I feel hopeless. Why bother. Ugh.

How do you deal with it?

I'm afraid I don't have any good advice because I usually just get drunk and try to forget about it haha :\\ this time of year is really awful, I'm sorry you feel it too

 

[SheJumped]

To me at least it's normal, I always had a plan to end my life at the age of 25 now mid 30's and still here. I like to forgot and ignore birthdays now :)

 

[NodusTollens]

Yes, It felt like a reminder of why i haven't ctb yet. I feel sick celebrating because i know all of this will go down the drain once it's over.

Not to mention the attention I get, makes me stressed.

I hear you, though I am of two minds about the attention. The attention can definitely feel overwhelming & unbearable.

For me, on one hand, I hate being the center of attention; it makes me unbelievably uncomfortable. On the other, I liked to know that people care. Sometimes I find myself wondering, if I did it, would anyone notice or care?

 

[Lordsudbury]

I used to have really good birthdays but this year my lady told me on the phone the day before my bday she didn't love me anymore, this illicited a poor reaction from me, and now I am a piece of shit. Will never be celebrating myself in anyways ever again.

Prefer the idea to CTB at Christmas time knowing everyone is enjoying with their families while the choices I've made in my life have left me completely alone, remote and helpless

 

[k75]

Oh yes, definitely. This year was one of the worst for me. I wanted to forget and ignore it because that was the only way I thought I'd survive it, but I was forced to celebrate. I should have been thankful I have people who care enough to want to do that for me, but it really just made me feel even worse. I didn't think I deserved it, I wanted to be tiny and not exist at all, and on top of that, I didn't properly appreciate any of it. Plus, all I could think of was the money wasted on gifts for a dying person. So much guilt.

 

[NodusTollens]

I'm afraid I don't have any good advice because I usually just get drunk and try to forget about it haha :\\ this time of year is really awful, I'm sorry you feel it too

That's okay, hope it didn't feel like I put you on the spot. Thank you for your kindness. :]

To me at least it's normal, I always had a plan to end my life at the age of 25 now mid 30's and still here. I like to forgot and ignore birthdays now :)

Cheers to that.

I'm 30, myself, & birthdays are different now. They used to feel like a spectacle, something that 20somethings do to celebrate their youth with friends. But birthday days began to lose meaning after my 23rd, why was I celebrating a life I never wanted?

Sorry to hear that they're no longer joyous for you either, I wish you well on your journey. :]

 

[OopsIdidntwanttodie]

This is a pattern I've noticed in myself, where I become glaringly more suicidal in the months leading up to my birthday. I'll be "okay" (using that loosely), for months of the year, then December hits &the decline begins.

Is this weird or am I on to something here?

wow i'm in the same situation right now. i'm sorry you feel this way op. my mom keeps bugging me about my plans for my birthday and putting up christmas lights, but she has no idea i'll ctb before then :(

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

My 40th is in 6 weeks. I'm highly tempted to ctb the day before

 

[Bitterman1996]

Not weird, it's just a common complex I guess since it's supposed to be a happy day/to celebrate the day you were born, it's just made most depressed people more depressed. Especially when you're feeling stuck, having been reminded that you're 1 year older seems like a joke.

 

[NodusTollens]

I used to have really good birthdays but this year my lady told me on the phone the day before my bday she didn't love me anymore, this illicited a poor reaction from me, and now I am a piece of shit. Will never be celebrating myself in anyways ever again.

Prefer the idea to CTB at Christmas time knowing everyone is enjoying with their families while the choices I've made in my life have left me completely alone, remote and helpless

As someone with an ex who did they same, I feel your pain. Sometimes people cannot see passed themselves at the harm their actions will cause others. My ex waited 4 days before my birthday to break up with me (we were living together), I spent the next 3 sectioned. Oops. Then he proposed we spend my birthday together as he was still living in the apartment. Emotional roller coaster.

I agree with you on that, especially since I don't know if I can wait till summertime. Though I'm sorry to hear you're alone, it can't be easy with the holiday around the corner.

Oh yes, definitely. This year was one of the worst for me. I wanted to forget and ignore it because that was the only way I thought I'd survive it, but I was forced to celebrate. I should have been thankful I have people who care enough to want to do that for me, but it really just made me feel even worse. I didn't think I deserved it, I wanted to be tiny and not exist at all, and on top of that, I didn't properly appreciate any of it. Plus, all I could think of was the money wasted on gifts for a dying person. So much guilt.

I'm sorry to hear that, that's a lot to hold onto, especially during a time that "supposed" to be fun. Sometimes people just don't get it &even though, you wanted to be thankful, sometimes there are just other factors that people aren't aware of. Hopefully that guilt has dissipated to some degree, it can be awfully heavy.

wow i'm in the same situation right now. i'm sorry you feel this way op. my mom keeps bugging me about my plans for my birthday and putting up christmas lights, but she has no idea i'll ctb before then :(

:[ Now that's heavy.
I live alone, so I can't imagine having to go through the motions like that when I have other things in mind. Sorry you have to go through that, hope you find the peace you're looking for.

My 40th is in 6 weeks. I'm highly tempted to ctb the day before

Sounds like birthday are no fun for you either, though, how come the day before?

Not weird, it's just a common complex I guess since it's supposed to be a happy day/to celebrate the day you were born, it's just made most depressed people more depressed. Especially when you're feeling stuck, having been reminded that you're 1 year older seems like a joke.

Yes, exactly that. It feels like a yearly reminder of "This is it, satisfied?"

 

[CoalmineCanary]

One's birthday just seems appropriate for one's death day. I don't know. js.

 

[Sherri]

I mostly feel like ctb during Xmas. Or NYE. Every year keeps getting worse around the holidays.

 

[Deleted member 23586]

Yes. Very much yes. Like yesity yes yes. It just seems very appropriate to me. Also, if someone must mourn me, I much rather they only have to worry about it on one day since people tend to mourn the day people pass and the day we're born. And I don't want to do that to anyone. I don't wanna make it harder.

 

[PNKPNDA]

I am a big birthday person and love the attention (lol how sad) but I do always feel extra fragile and emotional around that time too, not too sure why but it is deffo a thing also christmas/nye period is horrid too

 

[drnhng]

yes; was going to but got a surprise from my mom and couldn't find the privacy to ctb :(

 

[NodusTollens]

One's birthday just seems appropriate for one's death day. I don't know. js.

I can agree, it is "your" day after all. Why not choose how you wish to spend it.

I mostly feel like ctb during Xmas. Or NYE. Every year keeps getting worse around the holidays.

Yeah, the holidays are brutal for the way they make people feel. They claim inclusion but breed exclusion.

Sorry to hear the holidays having you feeling worse, I wish you well.

 

[PNKPNDA]

I can agree, it is "your" day after all. Why not choose how you wish to spend it.



Yeah, the holidays are brutal for the way they make people feel. They claim inclusion but breed exclusion.

Sorry to hear the holidays having you feeling worse, I wish you well.

thank you i wish you well too. I think they are particularly hard because i find theres pressure to be happy and if you arent its not good enough

 

[Sherri]

I can agree, it is "your" day after all. Why not choose how you wish to spend it.



Yeah, the holidays are brutal for the way they make people feel. They claim inclusion but breed exclusion.

Sorry to hear the holidays having you feeling worse, I wish you well.

Thank you

 

[NodusTollens]

Yes. Very much yes. Like yesity yes yes. It just seems very appropriate to me. Also, if someone must mourn me, I much rather they only have to worry about it on one day since people tend to mourn the day people pass and the day we're born. And I don't want to do that to anyone. I don't wanna make it harder.

You know, I never quite thought of it this way. My thought was always to leave the day for the living to remember. But you're very right about that, definitely something to consider.

I am a big birthday person and love the attention (lol how sad) but I do always feel extra fragile and emotional around that time too, not too sure why but it is deffo a thing also christmas/nye period is horrid too

Well there's no need to be embarrassed, it never hurts to have a little attention on your birthday when you enjoy it. :] Besides, with the holidays making you feel crappy, what to stop you from enjoying a little attention.
Sorry to hear the holidays have you feeling down too.

thank you i wish you well too. I think they are particularly hard because i find theres pressure to be happy and if you arent its not good enough

Ugh, I hear that. I think people often forget that happiness & the holidays are not mutually exclusive.

 

[Kennish]

This is a pattern I've noticed in myself, where I become glaringly more suicidal in the months leading up to my birthday. I'll be "okay" (using that loosely), for months of the year, then December hits &the decline begins.

Is this weird or am I on to something here?

What does DAE mean?

 

[PrincessInWhite]

YES!!! I reason it'll be easier on my family Bc they'll be sad on my birthday anyway so this way less sad dates/anniversaries. Also wanna go before I turn 30

 

[FuneralCry]

I want to ctb around my birthday. I dread it every year now. I do not like a day which is supposed to celebrate my existence, which I did not ask for and do not want. I view my life as a mistake.

 

[thisplaceisaprison]

What does DAE mean?

DAE means does anyone else lol I was confused at first too I had never seen that acronym