DAE feel like your body's needs are not your own?

[262653]

Today I was preparing veggies for a longer period than usual. Wanted to spend more effort now so I spend less in the future. I felt terrible. Prolonged periods of performing menial tasks have devastating effects on my mood. And I didn't even get to the exercises and showering on today's schedule. I feel like a farm animal that is getting systematically poked by a cattle prod. I tried lashing out at my master several times in the past but I always end up overpowered, suffering indignity.

*Another month, another page.

 

[Life sucks]

The body and the brain are already different and they are always in conflict and contradicts each other.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I feel like the body I have commands me to do things.

Of course it commands you. The body is a greedy tyrant. And it always operates behind the shadows, out of your reach, which makes him invulnerable and unpredictable. The needs of the body are the only real dogmas.

Check out these two songs by TOOL Parabol and Parabola.

But also this:

"Overthinking, overanalyzing separates the body from the mind".

A body needs what it needs. Besides food and shelter, it also usually wants human contact. While the lack of the firts two will put you in immediate pain, loneliness and alienation will make your life devoid of experiences and this will force you to retreat in your head. What happens then is a schism in the mind-body connection. Imagination, which is now the only fuel that keeps your body going, doesn't work properly for very long without new memories as its building blocks. It starts to disintegrate, and before long you will be confronted by the nietzschean abyss. And it will stare right back at you, your heart becoming this black hole sucking your thoughts dry. At least it feels like it.

"This holy reality
This holy experience
Choosing to be here in...
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in...
This body, this body holding me
Feeling eternal, this pain is an illusion"

Pain is not an illusion. Physical pain especialy, but also the pain of a reality not experienced. There's nothing holy in being alone. Reminding myself I am not alone only makes me more lonely. I don't feel eternal. I feel dead inside.

The body can't live of the mind. It wants what is entitled to it, by nature.

 

[Makko]

I wish I was an inorganic body that only needed to change batteries in the morning and change oil once a month. Born too early for the beautiful cybernetic existence.

 

[stygal]

I wish I was an inorganic body that only needed to change batteries in the morning and change oil once a month. Born too early for the beautiful cybernetic existence.

This. I love the thought of it - being a robot is a dream of mine.

I often get frustrated about my needs and wants - being hungry too often or needing to pee in the middle of an important situation makes me (my brain) angry to be trapped in this faulty flesh prison.
I used to direct this anger at my body by forcing it to not do those things it really wanted to and have to "abide my will" as long as possible. But nowadays I'm less harsh on myself and try to accept that I exist in a duality of body and mind and see my body (maybe for the first time ever) as something "childlike" that I need to take care of.

 

[262653]

Of course it commands you. The body is a greedy tyrant. And it always operates behind the shadows, out of your reach, which makes him invulnerable and unpredictable. The needs of the body are the only real dogmas.

Strangely, I have no issues spending the entire day learning something interesting like language or mathy stuff. I'm fine with spending hours trying to articulate myself. Spending half an hour on the kitchen preparing foods makes me go haywire...

As a kid I had no issues whatsoever with going on errands for family members or neighbors. There even was some strange enjoyment coming from the process. Or maybe I'm misattributing the source of juvenile joy, who knows.

 

[Spiral]

Of course it commands you. The body is a greedy tyrant. And it always operates behind the shadows, out of your reach, which makes him invulnerable and unpredictable. The needs of the body are the only real dogmas.


But also this:

"Overthinking, overanalyzing separates the body from the mind".

A body needs what it needs. Besides food and shelter, it also usually wants human contact. While the lack of the firts two will put you in immediate pain, loneliness and alienation will make your life devoid of experiences and this will force you to retreat in your head. What happens then is a schism in the mind-body connection. Imagination, which is now the only fuel that keeps your body going, doesn't work properly for very long without new memories as its building blocks. It starts to disintegrate, and before long you will be confronted by the nietzschean abyss. And it will stare right back at you, your heart becoming this black hole sucking your thoughts dry. At least it feels like it.

"This holy reality
This holy experience
Choosing to be here in...
This body, this body holding me
Be my reminder here that I am not alone in...
This body, this body holding me
Feeling eternal, this pain is an illusion"

Pain is not an illusion. Physical pain especialy, but also the pain of a reality not experienced. There's nothing holy in being alone. Reminding myself I am not alone only makes me more lonely. I don't feel eternal. I feel dead inside.

The body can't live of the mind. It wants what is entitled to it, by nature.

Nice to find another tool fan here xD and you quoted lateralus too <3 swing on the spiral

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Strangely, I have no issues spending the entire day learning something interesting like language or mathy stuff. I'm fine with spending hours trying to articulate myself. Spending half an hour on the kitchen preparing foods makes me go haywire...

Well who says I have issues with this? I read a lot, watch movies, play piano, work around the house, and I definitely enjoy a good though process.

But I'm also a volcano of emotions. It's like a rollercoaster. Swinging from mood to mood like it's nothing. Although, through the years all these emotions kinda morphed into one big sad octopus, so now even when I laugh the thing still squirts at me.

Nice to find another tool fan here xD and you quoted lateralus too <3 swing on the spiral

Tool army!!!

But there's also two more references to Tool besides the direct quotes. Can you find them?

 

[Spiral]

Well who says I have issues with this? I read a lot, watch movies, play piano, work around the house, and I
definitely enjoy a good though process.

But I'm also a volcano of emotions. It's like a rollercoaster. Swinging from mood to mood like it's nothing. Although, through the years all these emotions kinda morphed into one big sad octopus, so now even when I laugh the thing still squirts at me.



Tool army!!!

But there's also two more references to Tool besides the direct quotes. Can you find them?

Schism :D
I don't see the other one I think, unless it's still related to parabola

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Schism :D
I don't see the other one I think, unless it's still related to parabola

"sucking your thoughts dry", a little variation on "Ticks and Leeches".

 

[Spiral]

"sucking your thoughts dry", a little variation on "Ticks and Leeches".

That's why I didn't spot it xD ticks and leeches is not one of my favs so I haven't listened to it as religiously as other tracks. Lateralus, parabol/parabola, H, eulogy and stinkfist are my go-to favs but I'm also loving the new version of pushit on salival <3 that shit + getting a little high is like a trip to another dimension lol
Edit: almost forgot "triad" sacrilege lol

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

That's why I didn't spot it xD ticks and leeches is not one of my favs so I haven't listened to it as religiously as other tracks. Lateralus, parabol/parabola, H, eulogy and stinkfist are my go-to favs but I'm also loving the new version of pushit on salival <3 that shit + getting a little high is like a trip to another dimension lol

You can't go wrong with Tool, but Pushit from Salival and Lateralus are out of this world. My favorites. Along with Wings for Marie and 10000 Days, but that's just because I have a fucked up relationship with my mother...
Although, everything else they did is a close contender imo.
What can I say? I'm a tool for Tool.

And I'm a tool for weed, so I understand

 

[fishtacos4me]

OMG OP! YES!
I feel so needy - this body is so needy. It's always something. First I have to pee, then I need coffee, then food, then meds, then something and something else and then it's time to start the cycle over again. I'm a bottomless pit of needs - an infinite list of gimme gimmes. I get frustrated with myself over it and sometimes I talk to myself about it. "Oh come on Michael, really? Didn't you just go to the bathroom a while ago?"

But lets not overlook where these ideas came from:
For some of us, we are simply repeating the patterns we were taught as children - our parents taught us that our needs were bothersome, some of us were simply neglected, others punished for simply needing to be fed or genuinely needing some sort of attention. The only way we know how to respond to our needs is the way we've seen others responding to our needs.

So if you want to change this-

When you find yourself saying something to yourself like, "Dude! What the hell do you need now?"
Stop.
Know that this is a habit you were taught, and it's a bad one. Ugly bad. Abusive level bad.
The remedy is self compassion.
For once you need to be treated like you and your needs are valid - and they ARE VALID.
But you are the only one who can do it now. Your gonna have to do it yourself.

Since many of us would love to CTB, it's gonna be damned hard to be kind to yourself - but damn it someone needs to!
I have good days and bad days. Sometimes I can respond to myself with compassion, and when I do I feel better.

one part of my brain: Oh what now? Hungry again? ...and just grabbing some instant junk isn't good enough? You want eggs and bacon I suppose?
other part of my brain with compassion: That sounds like something my mom would have said to me. She wasn't a good cook at all. She did the best she could, but she actually wasn't a good mom. I cook fantastic eggs anyway and it will only take 5 minutes. I'm off to the kitchen.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Don't control the body just react to it, don't control the mind either the thoughts come themselves. I just get treated to the emotions produced in my brain, can't control them either. Feel like an observer more than a controller. I really don't like it.