BasicCore
New Member
- Oct 29, 2023
- 4
my first post here, so be advised i guess?
I cant keep my sanity this way. life, in its current observable state is straining at best and straight up torture at its worst. its just trying to screw me again and again. to this realization everyone here has come sooner or later. so did i. but from the moment i understood that this final absolute solution might be my only salvation my life has gotten just more chaotic and hard.
Its like i have to wrangle my mind on a daily basis. Like it is trying to fight me and my concious decision.
People always told me that i have a strong Subconcious or strong Instincts but they are working against me. This just adds to the pile of torture i endure but it is so cataclysmic in its effect because even if i make the concious decision to ctb i am rendered unable to carry out any planing or even think straight.
my mind just "locks up"
and it only gets worse after that when every thought in my Head feels slowed down and spinning around its own axis culminating in a big Cyclone. All my thoughts constantly running around me, exhausting me.
the more i think about it, the weaker i get, the weaker i get the more i want it, the more i want it, the more my head spinns.
It is so simple torture my mind has developed because it makes even the "easy" way out seem hard, but then again, if easy isnt easy anymore, hard cant be hard anymore.
I often find myself just wanting it more because i want those thoughts because they exhaust me so much.
I feel so weak
you know whats the worst thing about it is?
i cant imagine not thinking
I cant keep my sanity this way. life, in its current observable state is straining at best and straight up torture at its worst. its just trying to screw me again and again. to this realization everyone here has come sooner or later. so did i. but from the moment i understood that this final absolute solution might be my only salvation my life has gotten just more chaotic and hard.
Its like i have to wrangle my mind on a daily basis. Like it is trying to fight me and my concious decision.
People always told me that i have a strong Subconcious or strong Instincts but they are working against me. This just adds to the pile of torture i endure but it is so cataclysmic in its effect because even if i make the concious decision to ctb i am rendered unable to carry out any planing or even think straight.
my mind just "locks up"
and it only gets worse after that when every thought in my Head feels slowed down and spinning around its own axis culminating in a big Cyclone. All my thoughts constantly running around me, exhausting me.
the more i think about it, the weaker i get, the weaker i get the more i want it, the more i want it, the more my head spinns.
It is so simple torture my mind has developed because it makes even the "easy" way out seem hard, but then again, if easy isnt easy anymore, hard cant be hard anymore.
I often find myself just wanting it more because i want those thoughts because they exhaust me so much.
I feel so weak
you know whats the worst thing about it is?
i cant imagine not thinking
