cuting my throat

[kanna]

im probably going to try cutting my throat again tonight. i know like 90% probably not gonna work but i need to at least feel like theres a way out im really at my limit. im so tired im so tired

 

[J&L383]

I understand you're tired and it's exasperating, but I would strongly recommend not doing this. I'm not going to suggest better alternatives, but just to pause and take a breath and try to relax. Go to sleep and then dream. Dreams are always my friends.

 

[kanna]

I understand you're tired and it's exasperating, but I would strongly recommend not doing this. I'm not going to suggest better alternatives, but just to pause and take a breath and try to relax. Go to sleep and then dream. Dreams are always my friends.

ive been doing this every night for weeks i know its a bad idea but i dont think i can this time

 

[Linda]

im probably going to try cutting my throat again tonight. i know like 90% probably not gonna work but i need to at least feel like theres a way out im really at my limit. im so tired im so tired

I suggest you don't attempt it if you are 90% sure you will fail. What's the point? It would make more sense either to try again to fix your problems, or to plan to ctb in a way that will work for certain.
Let's start at the begining. Can you explain the nature of your problems? How long have you had them? Have you tied to fx them, and if so how? Then we can take it from there.

 

[kanna]

I suggest you don't attempt it if you are 90% sure you will fail. What's the point? It would make more sense either to try again to fix your problems, or to plan to ctb in a way that will work for certain.
Let's start at the begining. Can you explain the nature of your problems? How long have you had them? Have you tied to fx them, and if so how? Then we can take it from there.

my problems arent fixable my hands get worn out easily and i went to different doctors for years and all i got in the end was them basically telling me to suck it up. it hurts to write, to draw, to play games, to use my phone, anything. theres a million other reasons i want to die but this one is really pushing me over the edge. feeling i have a way out is the only comfort i have.

 

[Linda]

my problems arent fixable my hands get worn out easily and i went to different doctors for years and all i got in the end was them basically telling me to suck it up. it hurts to write, to draw, to play games, to use my phone, anything. theres a million other reasons i want to die but this one is really pushing me over the edge. feeling i have a way out is the only comfort i have.

That's obviously a difficult situation. But I don't think it's hopeless. Technology has now reached the state where you can, if really necessary, get by using your hands a lot less than at one time. (Voice to text sofware, is a good example.) Have you looked into the possibilities?
Do you know why your hands are causing problems? Is it muscles, or joints, or nerves, or what? Have you over-used your hands in the past?

 

[kanna]

That's obviously a difficult situation. But I don't think it's hopeless. Technology has now reached the state where you can, if really necessary, get by using your hands a lot less than at one time. (Voice to text sofware, is a good example.) Have you looked into the possibilities?
Do you know why your hands are causing problems? Is it muscles, or joints, or nerves, or what? Have you over-used your hands in the past?

i think i overused my hands in the past but again i really have no idea whats wrong because the doctors had no fucking clue. the only things i really liked doing was drawing and play video games but really if i cant draw im just going to kill myself

 

[Linda]

i think i overused my hands in the past but again i really have no idea whats wrong because the doctors had no fucking clue. the only things i really liked doing was drawing and play video games but really if i cant draw im just going to kill myself

Have you tried being your own doctor, to get to the bottom of this? There are a lot of good resources available online. You would need to learn a bit about the anatomy of the human hand to get started but that's not very difficult.
Don't worry about the fact that you have no medical training. I don't have any either (except for a short period working as a - very junior - nurse over half a century ago), but I always try to diagnose my own medical problems before I consult a doctor. All it needs is average intelligence and a willingness to make some effort.

 

[kanna]

Have you tried being your own doctor, to get to the bottom of this? There are a lot of good resources available online. You would need to learn a bit about the anatomy of the human hand to get started but that's not very difficult.
Don't worry about the fact that you have no medical training. I don't have any either (except for a short period working as a - very junior - nurse over half a century ago), but I always try to diagnose my own medical problems before I consult a doctor. All it needs is average intelligence and a willingness to make some effort.

ive tried that but even then no solution online or with doctors has helped me. it rly hard to use my phone rn because i've been doing homework all day so im gonna go. ive accepted this won't get better i just want a way out so ill probably just try to hang male again when no one's home. i wont cut myself i dont want to use my hands anymore tonight

 

[Linda]

ive tried that but even then no solution online or with doctors has helped me. it rly hard to use my phone rn because i've been doing homework all day so im gonna go. ive accepted this won't get better i just want a way out so ill probably just try to hang male again when no one's home. i wont cut myself i dont want to use my hands anymore tonight

I'm sorry it has come to this for you.
We're all here for you if you need support.

 

[Awry]

i think i overused my hands in the past but again i really have no idea whats wrong because the doctors had no fucking clue. the only things i really liked doing was drawing and play video games but really if i cant draw im just going to kill myself

I get you.

However, just earlier tonight I was cutting and often have SI while I do, but this time I just scratched it to see how much it'd hurt... man, it would hurt.
Would not be a good way to go. And, the mess too!

I really suggest anything but that. But, IDK, I can see myself doing it suddenly in a rage, or if I inebriated myself enough. Could be an option. I've decided not to do it that way because it would really suck all around, but I also feel I have to literally put blades out of reach/ sight from myself at times. Most of the times I just feel like I'm too much of a coward.

So, if you decide on this route, keeping a razor (like a box cutter with a fresh blade, exacto knife, etc.) nearby and simply falling into SI, as one does, could be the ticket.

Again though, I really can't state this enough, this is easily one of the top 10 worst ways to CTB in my opinion. And, this is coming from someone who thinks about jumping into industrial shredders/ slow crushers.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really dreadful what you are going through, it truly is such a cruel existence where people suffer so much. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you find peace eventually.

 

[kanna]

I get you.

However, just earlier tonight I was cutting and often have SI while I do, but this time I just scratched it to see how much it'd hurt... man, it would hurt.
Would not be a good way to go. And, the mess too!

I really suggest anything but that. But, IDK, I can see myself doing it suddenly in a rage, or if I inebriated myself enough. Could be an option. I've decided not to do it that way because it would really suck all around, but I also feel I have to literally put blades out of reach/ sight from myself at times. Most of the times I just feel like I'm too much of a coward.

So, if you decide on this route, keeping a razor (like a box cutter with a fresh blade, exacto knife, etc.) nearby and simply falling into SI, as one does, could be the ticket.

Again though, I really can't state this enough, this is easily one of the top 10 worst ways to CTB in my opinion. And, this is coming from someone who thinks about jumping into industrial shredders/ slow crushers.

i understand. ive tried it before i can usually cut myself but obviously i cant speak for how deep itll need to be for it to actually work. ive accepted any death i experience is going to painful. my only options are to suck it up in death. or try my best to suck it up in life for years and years.