Venting Cut off my only friend. Did I fuck up?

[Doz]

So a few months back I completely cut off the only person I had left that I actually considered a very close friend. I should also mention this is an online friend

There was something brewing inside of me. It was a mix of jealousy and disappointment. Years ago it seemed more like a 2 sided friendship but in recent years it was way more one sided. We used to talk and hang out all the time. He would hit me up and I would hit him up. But at some point along the way it was just me hitting him up. And we would talk sure but I was the only one to ever drive the conversation. Another thing is that initial interaction. That first "hello" means so much. It means that, unprovoked, you have entered this persons mind to the point where they want to talk to you. This stopped happening. He never asked to call or play anything anymore. It was always me doing the heavy lifting with the social aspect. It was clear he's moved on from me and I became "that guy you hang around with because none of your real friends are around." I remember we'd be in the middle of playing something (initiated by me) and as soon as his friends told him to get on EVEN THOUGH WE NEVER DO ANYTHING ANYMORE he still ditches me. I've always been that guy in life and it seems I'm doomed as such. It was like that during school and now it's happened to someone I considered a very close friend. I've told him things I have literally never told anyone and he knows it. Doesn't that mean anything? Not anymore I guess.

Don't get me started on his egotistical douche bag friend group. I don't know why the hell he stays around those assholes. But I sincerely believe they replaced me because it went from me and him talking and hanging out to him and them ALL. THE. TIME.

To clarify I don't think he's a bad person or a piece of shit or anything. He did start to develop an ego from that friend group I mentioned that got a bit annoying but he was still pretty chill. We were also friends for years. Ever since maybe 2017 or 2018? I think he naturally moved on from me as everyone else in my life did. I don't think he ever realized it though. It was like subconscious. He'd always tell me something like "If I didn't want to hang out with you then I wouldn't." But we obviously werent unless I was the one asking? It wasn't like that before... Even for me it was subconscious on some level. If you go back to my old posts I say things like "I'm alone" or "I don't have any friends". This guy WAS my only friend but it stopped feeling like it at some point. It was that feeling where even though you do have somebody you still feel alone in the world. We were still kind of talking but I removed him on everything and from what I can tell he doesn't seem to care much. Not trying to re-add me or message me or anything. I didn't say anything I just ripped the bandaid off. He probably still hasn't noticed.

So did I mess up by cutting him off? Or was there a lack of communication in regards to removing him on my end? Was I just over thinking all of this?

I don't know who will actually read all this (usually I use a text to speech plugin when I go through posts on here) but if you're one of those people, thanks.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Probably not, but I would have Probably just not initiated communication, and left it open if your freind decided he wanted to see how you were doing. I didn't see how it was actually "cut off" .

 

[Doz]

Probably not, but I would have Probably just not initiated communication, and left it open if your freind decided he wanted to see how you were doing. I didn't see how it was actually "cut off" .

By cut off I mean I've removed him on everything. And I had tried it before. Actually did one better. I tried just not messaging him for months starting from december of last year to april of this year and he never messaged me. Any messages from me after the fact was just desperation until I couldn't take it any more.

 

[Daphne]

So a few months back I completely cut off the only person I had left that I actually considered a very close friend. I should also mention this is an online friend

There was something brewing inside of me. It was a mix of jealousy and disappointment. Years ago it seemed more like a 2 sided friendship but in recent years it was way more one sided. We used to talk and hang out all the time. He would hit me up and I would hit him up. But at some point along the way it was just me hitting him up. And we would talk sure but I was the only one to ever drive the conversation. Another thing is that initial interaction. That first "hello" means so much. It means that, unprovoked, you have entered this persons mind to the point where they want to talk to you. This stopped happening. He never asked to call or play anything anymore. It was always me doing the heavy lifting with the social aspect. It was clear he's moved on from me and I became "that guy you hang around with because none of your real friends are around." I remember we'd be in the middle of playing something (initiated by me) and as soon as his friends told him to get on EVEN THOUGH WE NEVER DO ANYTHING ANYMORE he still ditches me. I've always been that guy in life and it seems I'm doomed as such. It was like that during school and now it's happened to someone I considered a very close friend. I've told him things I have literally never told anyone and he knows it. Doesn't that mean anything? Not anymore I guess.

Don't get me started on his egotistical douche bag friend group. I don't know why the hell he stays around those assholes. But I sincerely believe they replaced me because it went from me and him talking and hanging out to him and them ALL. THE. TIME.

To clarify I don't think he's a bad person or a piece of shit or anything. He did start to develop an ego from that friend group I mentioned that got a bit annoying but he was still pretty chill. We were also friends for years. Ever since maybe 2017 or 2018? I think he naturally moved on from me as everyone else in my life did. I don't think he ever realized it though. It was like subconscious. He'd always tell me something like "If I didn't want to hang out with you then I wouldn't." But we obviously werent unless I was the one asking? It wasn't like that before... Even for me it was subconscious on some level. If you go back to my old posts I say things like "I'm alone" or "I don't have any friends". This guy WAS my only friend but it stopped feeling like it at some point. It was that feeling where even though you do have somebody you still feel alone in the world. We were still kind of talking but I removed him on everything and from what I can tell he doesn't seem to care much. Not trying to re-add me or message me or anything. I didn't say anything I just ripped the bandaid off. He probably still hasn't noticed.

So did I mess up by cutting him off? Or was there a lack of communication in regards to removing him on my end? Was I just over thinking all of this?

I don't know who will actually read all this (usually I use a text to speech plugin when I go through posts on here) but if you're one of those people, thanks.

Friendships change over time just like people. Just let it run its course. If you don't feel like reaching out, don't.

 

[Doz]

Friendships change over time just like people. Just let it run its course. If you don't feel like reaching out, don't.

I know they do but I've seen so many people who have had life long relationships and was hoping to have the same. I guess I've learned those kinds of friendships are truly exceptional and rare compared to what I initially thought.

 

[whywere]

This is just my point of view, and with that said here it goes.

I am older and I mention this only because I have had more time to develop or undeveloped friendships. Most of the time for me, when I look back at different times, I usually would cut the friendship cord when I felt as if I was either being used or they could care less about me.

Now days, it was a few years ago with my last friendship where generally speaking I had to be available to go out for a Saturday morning breakfast. One of the last straws on that was when we had just finished up, I was getting in his vehicle to go get mine and his wife called, he had his cell phone tied into the speaker system in his vehicle where was he and the grandkids softball game was going to start and get back NOW, pick me up and lets go.

I felt like a used floor mat and when I got home, I wrote him a quick lets part ways and looking back, it was the BEST thing ever.

I love working with folks, but like with your situation, it is a TWO-WAY Street and when it becomes a one-way street then it is time to change up things.

AS far as I am concerned you made the right call, as since it was not a one-time thing but continual then it is time to move on and find a new friend who cherishes YOU and thinks enough about YOU that they respond, like a good friend should.

You do NOT need to be someone convenience BUT someone's true friend who sees you as an equal.

Hugs and caring thoughts to you, as you ARE a good friend that matters so much.

Walter

 

[EmptyBottle]

Ooo, that post reminded me to get in contact with some of my friends... we both haven't messaged for a while... but otherwise last talked on good terms

 

[katara]

This is off topic but ur pfp made me think of Jhonen Vasquez so I wanted to comment here.

 

[Nightfoot]

I would just let it be and if he reaches out, go from there. Friendship should be a two-way street.

 

[whywere]

I would just let it be and if he reaches out, go from there. Friendship should be a two-way street.

100% agree!

Like the old saying: "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". That being said after reaching out and silence, then it is their move. It takes to or more for friendship, NOT one.

Walter

 

[User111885]

So a few months back I completely cut off the only person I had left that I actually considered a very close friend. I should also mention this is an online friend

There was something brewing inside of me. It was a mix of jealousy and disappointment. Years ago it seemed more like a 2 sided friendship but in recent years it was way more one sided. We used to talk and hang out all the time. He would hit me up and I would hit him up. But at some point along the way it was just me hitting him up. And we would talk sure but I was the only one to ever drive the conversation. Another thing is that initial interaction. That first "hello" means so much. It means that, unprovoked, you have entered this persons mind to the point where they want to talk to you. This stopped happening. He never asked to call or play anything anymore. It was always me doing the heavy lifting with the social aspect. It was clear he's moved on from me and I became "that guy you hang around with because none of your real friends are around." I remember we'd be in the middle of playing something (initiated by me) and as soon as his friends told him to get on EVEN THOUGH WE NEVER DO ANYTHING ANYMORE he still ditches me. I've always been that guy in life and it seems I'm doomed as such. It was like that during school and now it's happened to someone I considered a very close friend. I've told him things I have literally never told anyone and he knows it. Doesn't that mean anything? Not anymore I guess.

Don't get me started on his egotistical douche bag friend group. I don't know why the hell he stays around those assholes. But I sincerely believe they replaced me because it went from me and him talking and hanging out to him and them ALL. THE. TIME.

To clarify I don't think he's a bad person or a piece of shit or anything. He did start to develop an ego from that friend group I mentioned that got a bit annoying but he was still pretty chill. We were also friends for years. Ever since maybe 2017 or 2018? I think he naturally moved on from me as everyone else in my life did. I don't think he ever realized it though. It was like subconscious. He'd always tell me something like "If I didn't want to hang out with you then I wouldn't." But we obviously werent unless I was the one asking? It wasn't like that before... Even for me it was subconscious on some level. If you go back to my old posts I say things like "I'm alone" or "I don't have any friends". This guy WAS my only friend but it stopped feeling like it at some point. It was that feeling where even though you do have somebody you still feel alone in the world. We were still kind of talking but I removed him on everything and from what I can tell he doesn't seem to care much. Not trying to re-add me or message me or anything. I didn't say anything I just ripped the bandaid off. He probably still hasn't noticed.

So did I mess up by cutting him off? Or was there a lack of communication in regards to removing him on my end? Was I just over thinking all of this?

I don't know who will actually read all this (usually I use a text to speech plugin when I go through posts on here) but if you're one of those people, thanks.

i totally get where you are coming from

it's really hard to know

on the one hand, having people in your life who are one-sided friends, who don't really initiate talking with you much and who don't seem to like you much, can be terrible for self-esteem and a waste of time. it's like putting eggs into a garbage disposal instead of an egg basket.

on the other hand, from a purely practical matter, if you were able to not cut him off completely and make friends with other people, he could be a conduit to meeting other people and building a network of people

but overall, I think it's better to cut someone like that off. go to meetup.com, make friends through hobbies or new things, just don't keep people around if they don't genuinely like you, because it's such a self-esteem destroyer

better to be a loner and value yourself and invest in yourself than waste time on someone who makes you feel like shit.

just also find a way to be social, even if it's limited in some ways. so even if you're just going to a meetup.com group or going to support groups to talk with people or doing something, it's important to interact with people.

i think sometimes, if you are the type of person who is isolating and not really social, it can make you seem less attractive to others. no one wants someone totally dependent on them and people gravitate towards others who are connected and extroverted.

it just sucks because with depression, it's hard to be socially normal. it may be that if you could improve the depression, then this stuff with your friend wouldn't be an issue, because you would naturally want to be more social

have you tried doing the standard things that can alleviate depression?
-doing a keto diet for 2 weeks and see if things improve
-jogging every day
-anti-depressants (which often don't work, but occasionally do)
-talk therapy

if you are here, there's also some chance you don't want to get better, and may be at the point of just being over it. and if you are at that point, then it probably doesn't matter how this person is reacting to you.

it's not personal and due to something about you, it's because you have depression and isolating is part of that, and so try not to take it personally how that person treated you, even if it's not easy to do that

 

[Wolf Girl]

I read an article that said research suggests that most close/"best" friendships in adulthood do not last more than 7 years. I think it just ran its course. I understand the longing for a forever person. I'm really sorry.

 

[Manfrotto99]

I'm not saying it's the same, but I know a couple of men who sound like this and both have been diagnosed with ocd and avoidant personality disorder. They can be very cold at times and unempathetic and while I would have their back, most of the time it feels like they don't have mine and I'm the one doing all the work.

One I have been friends with for over 30 years. I just give him space and dont take things too personally. Sometimes I dont hear from him for months and when I do he can be rather abusive. Other times he'd give his back for you. He gave my cousin thousands of dollars just to help her out with no expectation at all. She was wanting to take her life at the time. His a wounded man but at least he knows it.

The other is just as wounded but won't acknowledge it. Instead after me having his back and thinking we were close friends, he just totally cut me off and blamed things on me that were out of my control. I did all i could and reached out to him, offering him an olive branch, but he made his decision. He choose to have a cold heart of steel and be full of pride, eventually we reap what we sew.