cut my arm for the first time in like 4 months (masochism)

[Cauliflour]

Thank god I got the urge to cut again, was starting to lose my ability to properly function there. Still doesn't feel the same as it did before and the cuts weren't that deep but it's better than nothing! I have this long one because I found out that using a blade back and forth like a saw is more effective. Can't wait to be like before where I can make like 10 in one sitting and make my arm get covered in the red stuff.

 

[Cauliflour]

update: fuckkkk my mum found the scars when i was stretching out my arm to reach some chips and she's probably gonna get a therapist for me now because she said that if she caught me self harming again then she'll send me to therapy but i don't want to go to therapy so now i'm just trying to avoid her which is quite hard considering i live with my parents in a terraced house and we're going out tomorrow morning.

 

[bankai]

I don't understand, you've been self harming for quite a while right? And you enjoy it from your previous posts. Isn't it just normal at this point? I feel like a lot of the people here feel like it gives them a certain release. Every single thing that's gives pleasure in the end is harmful, be it food, alcohol, drugs, whatever. In fact, at least cutting heals eventually?

I don't do it myself by the way, but I understand the mentality.

 

[Cauliflour]

I don't understand, you've been self harming for quite a while right? And you enjoy it from your previous posts. Isn't it just normal at this point? I feel like a lot of the people here feel like it gives them a certain release. Every single thing that's gives pleasure in the end is harmful, be it food, alcohol, drugs, whatever. In fact, at least cutting heals eventually?

I suddenly lost motivation after a failed suicide attempt and it hasn't felt the same since but it feels a bit better now than it did 4 months ago when I realised the feeling went poof. I don't think I'm explaining myself well but something happened to my brain since then as I feel more shit now and have motivation and focus problems and also I have less sexual thoughts now to the point where I wonder if the drive is alright. Some brain screwery is going on and I have an idea on how to fix it but that damn focus going full ham onto other stuff isn't helping.