Venting cursed to live for years in pain

[luisamanequim]

I just want to die, my life is miserable, no one likes me or cares about me and Im in constant suffering. I failed my last attempted and suffered a lot from it and I don't know a way to do it where I have a 100% chance of dying and my SI doesn't get too much in the way

my dad despite knowing that I almost died he didn't text me and he refused to pay for my psychologist despite making 10k per month, more than half of my friends ignored my post when I talked abt my suicide attempt

even thought I got into a good college it's not the one I wanted I got into chemistry but that's my 4° option my dream is medicine but here in Brazil with no financial support is basically impossible

my dad only gave opportunities to my siblings I was left to do it myself I feel terrible, unworthy like I forgave him for abusing me and he still treats me like shit

I also have bpd aka the most painful mental illness and yeah it's pretty bad my fp ignored my post abt my suicide and doesn't reply to me anymore (I lost control after giving him 4 chances to at least pretend that he cares about me and then called him a fucking liar I'm in pain everyday I just wanted my psychologist back but my dad is an ass and I hate him so much

the only way out I thought was jumping but it's really scary, I'm terrified of pain and people can survive really tall jumps so I would need a crazy tall place to jump but there's a lot of security to avoid exactly that so I guess I'm cursed to live like this for years

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really dreadful what you are going through, I find it beyond cruel how people have to suffer so much with no straightforward way to just die in peace. But anyway best wishes.