Currently at the hospital.

[PrincessInWhite]

Having horrendous symptoms that line up with very clear disorders but tests keep coming up negative when done in a lab setting.

Night time used to be my only reprieve. I didn't sleep a single wink last night.

I wonder what will be the last straw for me, what will finally make me feel ready to go. There's something keeping me here, something about endings and changes being unbearable. I wonder how far I'll need to deteriorate before I go. I wonder how much more I will need to lose. I am broken. I am an absolute shell of who and what I used to be. I just want peace. I just want to let go.

I'm posting here because I'm all alone and could use a hug, some encouragement, anything. I feel like I'm absolutely destroyed. I don't feel human.

If anyone is around tonight and I'm home and feeling ok I would love to chat.

I'm so tired you guys. I feel like a scared little girl. I don't know what happened to my life but I don't wanna suffer anymore.

 

[its-about-time]

I can relate to the emotions you're going through. It's a very difficult way to feel. I'm sending you hugs and lots of love

 

[allesistgut]

big big hug being sent your way.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering. That sounds really awful what you are going through. I hope you find relief from your pain and I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Al Cappella]

I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult place. Wish I could make it better for you in some small way. One breath at a time, you'll get out of there. Sending hugs…

 

[DPJ187]

Your not alone, your surrounded by people who relate and understand your feelings better than most. If your mind is racing which it sounds like it is, perhaps consider getting stoned and chilling with a game or movie for the evening. It's the only respite I get. Just a suggestion but always remember while you are a community member here you will not be alone.

 

[Foresight]

Lots of hugs and comfort your way! I hope they wrap you up in warmed blankets and give you those nice little grip socks. I always liked hospital socks for some reason.

I would love to join your chat if you have one. No pressure to have one though, whatever you need whether it's company or rest.

 

[Deathinminutes]

Having horrendous symptoms that line up with very clear disorders but tests keep coming up negative when done in a lab setting.

Night time used to be my only reprieve. I didn't sleep a single wink last night.

I wonder what will be the last straw for me, what will finally make me feel ready to go. There's something keeping me here, something about endings and changes being unbearable. I wonder how far I'll need to deteriorate before I go. I wonder how much more I will need to lose. I am broken. I am an absolute shell of who and what I used to be. I just want peace. I just want to let go.

I'm posting here because I'm all alone and could use a hug, some encouragement, anything. I feel like I'm absolutely destroyed. I don't feel human.

If anyone is around tonight and I'm home and feeling ok I would love to chat.

I'm so tired you guys. I feel like a scared little girl. I don't know what happened to my life but I don't wanna suffer anymore.

Hi Princess, change is hard especially the ultimate change we can possibly experience. I'm sending you hugs. Like @DPJ187 said, you're not alone, which is a big upside. Not all but a lot of people working where you are are there because they care. Make yourself open to that while you're there. Plan a nice comfortable evening. Get some sleep too. Not sleeping messes with all our thoughts. Don't feel alone because we're all here supporting you. Big

 

[PrincessInWhite]

I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult place. Wish I could make it better for you in some small way. One breath at a time, you'll get out of there. Sending hugs…

Thank you so much I'm trying to take one breath at a time I'm so tired I'm so fucking tired

Your not alone, your surrounded by people who relate and understand your feelings better than most. If your mind is racing which it sounds like it is, perhaps consider getting stoned and chilling with a game or movie for the evening. It's the only respite I get. Just a suggestion but always remember while you are a community member here you will not be alone.

When my symptoms aren't 10/10 that's the only thing that helps me too thank you so much for reminding me I'm not alone. I'm just sitting here in the hall on a stretcher holding my stuffed bear crying. I have nobody to turn to right now. Thank you for being here

Lots of hugs and comfort your way! I hope they wrap you up in warmed blankets and give you those nice little grip socks. I always liked hospital socks for some reason.

I would love to join your chat if you have one. No pressure to have one though, whatever you need whether it's company or rest.

I didn't get either of those but I did get a stretcher at least so I'm laying down with my stuffed bear. If my symptoms aren't unbearable tonight I'll absolutely be hosting a chat

Hi Princess, change is hard especially the ultimate change we can possibly experience. I'm sending you hugs. Like @DPJ187 said, you're not alone, which is a big upside. Not all but a lot of people working where you are are there because they care. Make yourself open to that while you're there. Plan a nice comfortable evening. Get some sleep too. Not sleeping messes with all our thoughts. Don't feel alone because we're all here supporting you. Big

You're so kind sleep isn't always a choice for me unfortunately which is definitely part of why I want to ctb. Thank you for reminding me I'm not alone. Im just holding my stuffed bear in the hall talking to you guys

 

[jandek]

I'm really sorry about your situation. You seem like a kindhearted person, and I hope things get better for you. I think that emotional pain and longing for connection is a very human response.

 

[Dead Meat]

Sending you lot's of Love and many HUGS to you,hope everything turns out alright

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm worried about you. I hope that you don't have to stay long in the hospital and that they help you feel better. I'm also feeling a little lonely at home, so if you want to talk, you can send me a PM anytime. Let us know how it's going and how it went. I'm send you a hug You're definitely not alone.

 

[DrownFeather]

Oh my little beautiful girl, never knew this will happen to you after we chatted yesterday, my deepest core wishing you a very gentle sleep and a relief from all your pains and struggles and know my heart is hovering around you to protect you, keep strong, for me, for us

 

[mboo]

Having horrendous symptoms that line up with very clear disorders but tests keep coming up negative when done in a lab setting.

Night time used to be my only reprieve. I didn't sleep a single wink last night.

I wonder what will be the last straw for me, what will finally make me feel ready to go. There's something keeping me here, something about endings and changes being unbearable. I wonder how far I'll need to deteriorate before I go. I wonder how much more I will need to lose. I am broken. I am an absolute shell of who and what I used to be. I just want peace. I just want to let go.

I'm posting here because I'm all alone and could use a hug, some encouragement, anything. I feel like I'm absolutely destroyed. I don't feel human.

If anyone is around tonight and I'm home and feeling ok I would love to chat.

I'm so tired you guys. I feel like a scared little girl. I don't know what happened to my life but I don't wanna suffer anymore.

Big hug xxx

 

[PrincessInWhite]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm worried about you. I hope that you don't have to stay long in the hospital and that they help you feel better. I'm also feeling a little lonely at home, so if you want to talk, you can send me a PM anytime. Let us know how it's going and how it went. I'm send you a hug You're definitely not alone.

If you're still around I'd love if you'd join the chatzy I'm making tonight feel free to PM me too if you're not comfortable talking there! thank you for your sweet comment

Oh my little beautiful girl, never knew this will happen to you after we chatted yesterday, my deepest core wishing you a very gentle sleep and a relief from all your pains and struggles and know my heart is hovering around you to protect you, keep strong, for me, for us

This made me burst into tears- thank you my dear friend so lucky and thankful you're still here with me .


TO ALL INTERESTED- I am out of the hospital and my symptoms appear to have died down (knock on wood for me PLEASE), so I will be holding a chatzy tonight in around 2.5 hours (6PM PST) you know the drill- come one come all, bring your bong, your drink, cozy clothes, get into bed or your cozy chair or couch and we all can talk about what we can't talk about in the outside world.

Thank you all SO MUCH for being here for me today. It means so much more than you know. As I laid alone in that stretcher I was able to feel not quite so alone

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

If you're still around I'd love if you'd join the chatzy I'm making tonight feel free to PM me too if you're not comfortable talking there! thank you for your sweet comment

It will be late where I live but since I usually wake up during the night I might join. How does that work?

 

[PrincessInWhite]

It will be late where I live but since I usually wake up during the night I might join. How does that work?

It's a no strings attached chat! You come and go as you please!! I will just post a link in around an hour to the chatzy. If you fall back asleep during the chat no hard feelings, I've done it myself

 

[DrownFeather]

If you fall back asleep during the chat no hard feelings, I've done it myself

Ah well...
Here is pizza to relax your mind

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

It's a no strings attached chat! You come and go as you please!! I will just post a link in around an hour to the chatzy. If you fall back asleep during the chat no hard feelings, I've done it myself

OK ahaha it's fair enough. And the chat will be here in the forum?

 

[DrownFeather]

OK ahaha it's fair enough. And the chat will be here in the forum?

Nope, in a site called chatzy
She will post invitation link to chatzy room after hour

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Nope, in a site called chatzy
She will post invitation link to chatzy room after hour

Ahhh ok, thank you for the explanation

 

[DrownFeather]

Ahhh ok, thank you for the explanation

mew

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

I'm sorry you're dealing with such stress. Hospital visits can be scary, and I hope you have a nice time chatting with people. People here seem so kind. ^^

 

[PrincessInWhite]

http://us21.chatzy.org/55411473688086

Welcome all!! I love you guys so much. thanks for being here for me today. How ironic that a pro-suicide site is one of the biggest reasons I'm still here <3

 

[DrownFeather]

http://us21.chatzy.org/55411473688086

Welcome all!! I love you guys so much. thanks for being here for me today. How ironic that a pro-suicide site is one of the biggest reasons I'm still here <3

I can't access room it keep loading

 

[PrincessInWhite]

Guys i am SO SORRY I fell asleep on y'all last night!! I actually felt peaceful and relaxed enough to sleep!! I can't wait for our movie night tonight and I love y'all so much!

 

[Glowarm]

Guys i am SO SORRY I fell asleep on y'all last night!! I actually felt peaceful and relaxed enough to sleep!! I can't wait for our movie night tonight and I love y'all so much!

No worries! Happy to hear that you were able to get some sleep.
I was back and forth from there to this site but there was 4 others there every time I checked in. We're here for ya!
What time is the movie again?

Edit: just saw the other post. I'll be there!

 

[PrincessInWhite]

No worries! Happy to hear that you were able to get some sleep.
I was back and forth from there to this site but there was 4 others there every time I checked in. We're here for ya!
What time is the movie again?

Edit: just saw the other post. I'll be there!

YAY!! Do me a favor and RSVP on the post just so I know who to expect! I'm so excited to have you