Venting Trying so hard

[miq2k]

Im so wrong in this family, misplaced and just wrong here. Im looking for someone who relates, after reading this, please tell me about your environment — even if it doesn't imitate mine, just tell me.

I do my best to fix myself, I don't have access to therapy but I'm trying to get it and I'm bettering my behavior and ending patterns. But my family, the country I'm stuck in and the people. Keep me tense, disrespect my humanity, treat me like the last piece of shit on earth. Doesn't matter what I do, I have to tip toe around egg shells and adhere "or else".
It's unfair. I do everything and more, and am still told to do more. I do so much, get so little, and on top of that are left with tense shoulders, clenched jaw and jitters.
I wonder sometimes what I have to loose, if I jut stop. They already used to beat me, already screamed so often, and I already experienced hell. What can they do.. but I usually back away from that again.
Their authority should mean nothing to me if it's just damage to my body and mind.
Im surrounded by the worst of the worst, I need a new environment, people with kind faces, who speak a language I can recognize. That of friendliness..

 

[flightless bird]

i bet there's nothing wrong with you. the world is wrong, which is actually a hell of a lot harder to accept.

i can only hope that you figure it out somehow and reach the life you deserve.

best of luck.

 

[miq2k]

i bet there's nothing wrong with you. the world is wrong, which is actually a hell of a lot harder to accept.

i can only hope that you figure it out somehow and reach the life you deserve.

best of luck.

Thank you… I will have to think about this

 

[StupidCat]

I like my family, but I simply I can't relate to them. We may have some conversations here and there but no matter how hard I try I simply can't feel like I belong.
It was even worse when I used to live with them. There was some claustrophobic feeling about it. In part because I'm fairly chaotic myself and I need space to break loose, and also alone and silent time where I can wonder on my delusions which couldn't happen at all.
The best decision I could is move out and find a place for myself. I felt calm. Made me rethink about my circumstances and feel more empathy towards them.
They have done me so much wrong they can't even comprehend, but I at least can comprehend why they do it so that brings me some peace.

 

[miq2k]

I like my family, but I simply I can't relate to them. We may have some conversations here and there but no matter how hard I try I simply can't feel like I belong.
It was even worse when I used to live with them. There was some claustrophobic feeling about it. In part because I'm fairly chaotic myself and I need space to break loose, and also alone and silent time where I can wonder on my delusions which couldn't happen at all.
The best decision I could is move out and find a place for myself. I felt calm. Made me rethink about my circumstances and feel more empathy towards them.
They have done me so much wrong they can't even comprehend, but I at least can comprehend why they do it so that brings me some peace.

Peaceful, sounds like faded bittersweet memories. I definitely relate to this, feeling misplaced and the inability to relate. I want to move out aswell and I think I will.. thank you for sharing <3

 

[ashendreams]

I have to tip toe around egg shells and adhere "or else".
It's unfair. I do everything and more, and am still told to do more. I do so much, get so little, and on top of that are left with tense shoulders, clenched jaw and jitters.

i really relate to everything here but especially this part. it's so exhausting to have to live like that every day. i was fortunate enough to get away from the family members who treated me like this and it's so much better without having to worry about appeasing them all the time. i really hope you can get away from your family as well.