CTB’d with SN

[Yknot]

There is a lot of SN talk on this forum, but I guess few people have close experience. Personally I had never heard of SN until less than 4 months ago, when a good friend of my son took her life. We visited her mourning chamber a few times and went to her funeral. He followed her example two weeks later.

They must have had their protocol right. They both looked very peaceful. There mouth was not artificially closed, lips not sewn together. Somewhat blue. I think the SN worked faster than expected because he had a scheduled text message to the police at 13:00 - but according to his watch his heart stopped at 06:00. He was on his back in a hotel bed, listening to music.

I don't know why I write this. Not feeling too well I guess. Somehow that brings me very close to him.

 

[inconclusivesorbet]

Are you in the US? So sorry about your son
Do you have good coping mechanisms to handle the grief in a healthy manner?

 

[Yknot]

Thank you for showing an interest. I'm in the Netherlands and not actively suicidal, though life lost a lot of purpose. Have a loving wife and two other great kids to give me a reason to get up in the morning. Its a struggle and things will never be the same but we will try to learn to live again without the sunshine of our previous life.

 

[sickofeverything]

There is a lot of SN talk on this forum, but I guess few people have close experience. Personally I had never heard of SN until less than 4 months ago, when a good friend of my son took her life. We visited her mourning chamber a few times and went to her funeral. He followed her example two weeks later.

They must have had their protocol right. They both looked very peaceful. There mouth was not artificially closed, lips not sewn together. Somewhat blue. I think the SN worked faster than expected because he had a scheduled text message to the police at 13:00 - but according to his watch his heart stopped at 06:00. He was on his back in a hotel bed, listening to music.

I don't know why I write this. Not feeling too well I guess. Somehow that brings me very close to him.

Sorry about your loss, if it was sn it may make you feel better to know that people say you are unconscious in 15 minutes and after that it's peaceful because you're out. It doesn't reverse your loss but may make it better to know they didn't suffer for long, it's why a lot of people chose this method myself included

 

[Dante_]

This is so heartbreaking, im so sorry for your loss.

 

[Yknot]

Thank you. Stupid thing is that we probably triggered the events ourselves. We found his SN and he discussed that with here on the chat - before we had a chance to discuss it with him. She probably panicked, afraid that he would tell us about her and we would tell her parents. She ctb'd the next day. And that triggered him. Sometimes wish we had not found it - but you can not "unfind"something and he would have used it eventually.

He left us a USB with ao 700 pages chat history between him and her. We are grateful for that, it gives so much insight in his mind.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I am so sorry about your loss. May God heal your sorrow and your pain.