Ctb tomorrow

[unique snowflake]

My best wishes.

 

[AnonGermany]

Good luck to you and safe travels ❤

 

[BlazingBob]

This makes me want to cry. That the world is so shitty that our lives have gotten to this point. When the pain of living is so unbearable and the feeling of hopelessness is so extreme someone is driven to this. I'm definitely at that point and it's truly awful. You are definitely not alone

 

[Darocba]

Do zobaczenia po drugiej stronie

 

[hopelessness009]

My little sister sent me a snap before i was gonna attempt and it makes me secondguess. I have 2 little sisters that are 12 and 13. And i keep crying thinking about them. My mom doesnt have much money and sometimes i help out buying things my sisters need. Idk what issues i even have. I just know im depressed and want to die. I used to SH a lot but i stopped a few months ago. Even if there are good times it always turns bad.

 

[HerculePoirot]

I'd say don't do it. Your decision of course, but obviously there is a no-go exception here. Even two.
You will need support to overcome this. Anybody around you to open up with?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

My little sister sent me a snap before i was gonna attempt and it makes me secondguess. I have 2 little sisters that are 12 and 13. And i keep crying thinking about them. My mom doesnt have much money and sometimes i help out buying things my sisters need. Idk what issues i even have. I just know im depressed and want to die. I used to SH a lot but i stopped a few months ago. Even if there are good times it always turns bad.

You are really in a tough situation but maybe you should think about your plan again and especially why you want to die, whether you really did everything possible and whether that's really the only option.

The decision what you really want to do is ofc up to you. Do you want to talk?

 

[hopelessness009]

You are really in a tough situation but maybe you should think about your plan again and especially why you want to die, whether you really did everything possible and whether that's really the only option.

The decision what you really want to do is ofc up to you. Do you want to talk?

Sure we can talk. U mean here or a dm?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Sure we can talk. U mean here or a dm?

Yes. If you want. here or dm, whatever you want.

 

[hopelessness009]

Yes. If you want. here or dm, whatever you want.

I vented about a guy. Idk if u saw it. But he treated me bad and now i have to see him at work. I rememember i told myself that if it ended i'd kill myself. I was willing to live a bit longer for him.
Why i want to die? I just hate my life. I failed high school. I didnt gradute. I dont have my drivers licence - which i need to move out. But i just cant physcially bring myself to do it. Its hard. Im just so unmotivated. I just want to stop existing. My emotions are all over the place. One minute im okay. And the next im so fucking emotional i wanna die. And then its gone and i just feel okay. When i feel just okay i still wanna die. But its more like a passive suicide - like i wont actively hurt myself but if i just happened to die thats alright too. Lately its been swinging much faster back and forth. Its not extreme. Like i dont think im bipolar or anything. I dont have much friends. Im always alone. There's no one i can talk to IRL about this kinda stuff. Im nlt close with my family at all. Its only my 2 little sisters that i truly care for. Also i struggle socially a lot. I struggly to talk to people and it ruins when i try to make friends. No one likes someone that wont talk. I just feel so defeated.

If i could just swallow a pill that would kill me. It would be the easiest decision to make. I'd swallow it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I haven't seen your vent post you refer to. Did it become a "victim" of the data loss recently? Being treated badly is awful and I understand that it is difficult to work in the same place with that guy but imo this is not really reason to CTB.

Lack of motivation is a big problem (I also suffer from lack motivation in many cases!). These mood swing must be really tiring. Have u tried therapy and/or meds?

Irl it's almost impossible to open up with such feelings, this is sad but true that hardly anyone outside the SaSu community will listen or try to understand. Feel free to vent here if you feel you need it, there will be always someone listening here and trying to help.

Obviously you have 2 sisters who you are really caring for and that's great.

 

[hopelessness009]

I haven't seen your vent post you refer to. Did it become a "victim" of the data loss recently? Being treated badly is awful and I understand that it is difficult to work in the same place with that guy but imo this is not really reason to CTB.

Lack of motivation is a big problem (I also suffer from lack motivation in many cases!). These mood swing must be really tiring. Have u tried therapy and/or meds?

Irl it's almost impossible to open up with such feelings, this is sad but true that hardly anyone outside the SaSu community will listen or try to understand. Feel free to vent here if you feel you need it, there will be always someone listening here and trying to help.

Obviously you have 2 sisters who you are really caring for and that's great.

Its not really a reason per se. But he raped me and treated me badly. And he acts like nothing happen. We live in the same town and if i go for a walk and see him. He'll wave or nod and it makes me so upset.

I have no bright future. I cant see myself being happy. I once said i'd wait for my sisters to turn 18 but now idk anymore. I just wish to end it. Im not smart. I get too anxious and nervous around many people.

 

[jussrav]

I will be leaving my room a complete depression mess. I cant clean it. And i dont wanna wait for it to be clean. So sadly my family will have to deal with it all cus i just cant...

My room is a depression mess aswell. I really wish our lives didn't turn out the way it has. I wish u felt good and wanted to live. It breaks my heart but I know I will be going the same way aswell. I hope you get peace like I will get aswell. Xx

This makes me want to cry. That the world is so shitty that our lives have gotten to this point. When the pain of living is so unbearable and the feeling of hopelessness is so extreme someone is driven to this. I'm definitely at that point and it's truly awful. You are definitely not alone

I can't help but help crying at the way our
lives are so messed up thst death is only answer. I just wish that everything would be ok but I know it won't. I wake up to hell.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Its not really a reason per se. But he raped me and treated me badly. And he acts like nothing happen. We live in the same town and if i go for a walk and see him. He'll wave or nod and it makes me so upset.

This behavior is so disgusting.

I have no bright future. I cant see myself being happy. I once said i'd wait for my sisters to turn 18 but now idk anymore. I just wish to end it. Im not smart. I get too anxious and nervous around many people.

Yeah a really tough situation and totally understandable that you want to escape it. I wish I could come up with a solution but I've got no idea.

 

[museumofthunder]

I commented on this thread earlier but I've been keeping an eye because I was really hoping you wouldn't go through with this. I don't know why I felt so compelled to check but I guess it could serve as a reminder to you that people do care about you. There are options out there beyond this. There are opportunities for you to find happiness. I know it's painful now but there have been people who've overcome things like similar to your experiences, and if you've come this far it's for a reason. Please reconsider.

Have you seeked any medical help? Do you have someone to talk to? There's lots of people here who will listen.

 

[nevermeant2b]

Its not really a reason per se. But he raped me and treated me badly. And he acts like nothing happen. We live in the same town and if i go for a walk and see him. He'll wave or nod and it makes me so upset.

I have no bright future. I cant see myself being happy. I once said i'd wait for my sisters to turn 18 but now idk anymore. I just wish to end it. Im not smart. I get too anxious and nervous around many people.

I hope you're ok

 

[Unattainable666]

My little sister sent me a snap before i was gonna attempt and it makes me secondguess. I have 2 little sisters that are 12 and 13. And i keep crying thinking about them. My mom doesnt have much money and sometimes i help out buying things my sisters need. Idk what issues i even have. I just know im depressed and want to die. I used to SH a lot but i stopped a few months ago. Even if there are good times it always turns bad.

If you have any doubts whatsoever hold off - don't make a decision this big with a bunch of doubts.

 

[nevermeant2b]

If you have any doubts whatsoever hold off - don't make a decision this big with a bunch of doubts.

Agreed. You seem like you display doubts and you are finding stuff that's making you not want to do it, which I feel you really dont want to, I would take time to re-think if this is really what you want

 

[hopelessness009]

I commented on this thread earlier but I've been keeping an eye because I was really hoping you wouldn't go through with this. I don't know why I felt so compelled to check but I guess it could serve as a reminder to you that people do care about you. There are options out there beyond this. There are opportunities for you to find happiness. I know it's painful now but there have been people who've overcome things like similar to your experiences, and if you've come this far it's for a reason. Please reconsider.

Have you seeked any medical help? Do you have someone to talk to? There's lots of people here who will listen.

I have never been to therapy. I dont. I wish i could just fall asleep and never wake up. I have no idea what to do. I keep putting it off

 

[front of me]

Iam really sorry