puppuppuplowonluck
D N A
- Jul 29, 2024
- 2
In order for me to CTB I have to align so many stars that it feels impossible, I have promises I need to fulfil, things I need to change, I feel I deserve at least the understanding that I left doing as much as I was able to, otherwise the guilt of not fulfilling these promises will stop me before I even hop on, should I really keep going just for other people?
It feels like I'm doing myself a disservice, like I'm being unnecessarily cruel to myself by not allowing myself to finally feel peace, but I can't help my nature.
This "prep" is going to take months, and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to wait months, hell even weeks at this point feels painful, like I'm jamming a pushpin under my nail, I have people telling me not to stress about the future but I'm stressed because I know I have no future, I'm stressed because I have to keep waiting for my "Future" to be cut short, this all feels so cruel, I'm in hell, and I'm stuck here
It feels like I'm doing myself a disservice, like I'm being unnecessarily cruel to myself by not allowing myself to finally feel peace, but I can't help my nature.
This "prep" is going to take months, and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to wait months, hell even weeks at this point feels painful, like I'm jamming a pushpin under my nail, I have people telling me not to stress about the future but I'm stressed because I know I have no future, I'm stressed because I have to keep waiting for my "Future" to be cut short, this all feels so cruel, I'm in hell, and I'm stuck here
