CTB on anniversary of my partner CTB.
Tonight I have prepared to CTB by exit bag with nitrogen. Did all the work to get this right. Last minute realized I needed a clamp for the hose and went to well known hardware store. Lesson is to do a complete dry run of equipment no matter how prepared you think you are.
Two years ago my partner CTB by gun. I have been in endless pain since then. Working through legal and financial matters which have finally resolved. Tonight I am ready.
Hope I have enough courage to accomplish what I want to do. I have tried three times in the past and failed. Those were last minute decisions. Today has been all about details and planning. I hope to complete my mission. However, from past failures I am ready for any potential failure and will accept that I have to look to another future date. No worries. I will ultimately complete what I have set out to do.
My partner has alway meant everything to me. I had been suicidal for year prior to meeting him in my thirties. I am now in my sixties. Yes, I and very old by the standards of this site. He made me happy for the decades we spent together. Now I see no reason to go forward in life. There is no future with promise or anything to build a life forward to.
If I fail in my attempt tonight I will post here tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day and I will plan again for a another future attempt.
Tonight I have prepared to CTB by exit bag with nitrogen. Did all the work to get this right. Last minute realized I needed a clamp for the hose and went to well known hardware store. Lesson is to do a complete dry run of equipment no matter how prepared you think you are.
Two years ago my partner CTB by gun. I have been in endless pain since then. Working through legal and financial matters which have finally resolved. Tonight I am ready.
Hope I have enough courage to accomplish what I want to do. I have tried three times in the past and failed. Those were last minute decisions. Today has been all about details and planning. I hope to complete my mission. However, from past failures I am ready for any potential failure and will accept that I have to look to another future date. No worries. I will ultimately complete what I have set out to do.
My partner has alway meant everything to me. I had been suicidal for year prior to meeting him in my thirties. I am now in my sixties. Yes, I and very old by the standards of this site. He made me happy for the decades we spent together. Now I see no reason to go forward in life. There is no future with promise or anything to build a life forward to.
If I fail in my attempt tonight I will post here tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day and I will plan again for a another future attempt.
