ctb October 4...jumping

[NegevChina]

GUILTY about family

How are you doing?
So sorry for what your going through.

 

[Defenestration]

well finally I'm going to the terrace tomorrow morning around 7:30 a.m. I confirmed with the guard I didn't want to cancel like in June. but I can very well go there without jumping. I said that 1h 1h30 was more than enough... I don't really want to jump, well who knows I might change my mind again... in any case if you don't hear from me tomorrow or Saturday it's because I am dead. You're going to tell me not if you're not ready but we're never really ready and this might be my last chance, the excuse of ordering photos and films has already been used twice...

 

[moresomorose]

you used some excuse for the guard, right? i hope it means he won't be punished if you decide to go through. but still, it's ok if you don't.

 

[Defenestration]

I left a note for the guard but not sure it would have any effect. tomorrow I'm going because I didn't want to cancel at the last moment.

 

[Defenestration]

I canceled the appointment with the guard and decided to cut ties with the guard's friend.... in short canceled, I wasn't ready at all... waiting so long to be able to jump and when it's time to no longer want to, it's despairing...

 

[pedrbel8805]

My best wishes for you.

 

[Defenestration]

Happy to be Alive

 

[moresomorose]

I'm glad you realised that you aren't ready. It's something you have to be very sure of, you did the right thing. Sorry for your situation though. Hope it improves or you find new ways to make life more bearable and enjoyable.

 

[Coringa]

Reading the thread I was also glad you weren't, because like other people here I realized that you weren't ready.

 

[Defenestration]

I want to ctb again... pfffffffff

 

[Defenestration]

Sad to change

 

[Defenestration]

Grrrrrrrrrr

 

[hopelesswanderer]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way :( I backed out of my last attempt at the last second and the aftermath was brutal as I was filled with regret and wish I had gone thru with it. But for a second I felt like there was hope. It's strange.

 

[nir]

Sad to change

I'm glad you're still here, but I'm sorry you're feeling regret. I wonder if the feeling that you have no way out is making you feel trapped? When you have a plan to CTB, do you find you enjoy life more?

Basically, I'm wondering if the feeling of being trapped by life is what is making you want to CTB, instead of wanting to CTB for the sake of no longer existing. Everyone has different reasons for wanting to die, and understanding what has brought you here could help you to recover, if that is what you end up choosing.

 

[LunarLight]

If you're not ready, then it is not time. Take care of yourself and think thoroughly.

 

[Defenestration]

Je suis contente que tu sois toujours là, mais je suis désolée que tu aies des regrets. Je me demande si le sentiment de ne pas avoir d'issue ne te donne pas l'impression d'être piégée ? Lorsque tu as un plan pour te débarrasser de ton cancer, trouves-tu que tu profites davantage de la vie ?

En fait, je me demande si le sentiment d'être piégé par la vie est ce qui vous donne envie de mourir, plutôt que de vouloir mourir pour ne plus exister. Chacun a des raisons différentes de vouloir mourir, et comprendre ce qui vous a amené ici pourrait vous aider à vous rétablir, si c'est ce que vous finissez par choisir.

let's say that I feel trapped by life by my life context. The months and years that are going to come are going to be very difficult, because of my mother's health problems. I won't be able to escape it. I'm lucky and my life is bearable but after that it will be a disaster.

Yes, the idea of having a safe method of suicide reassures me and allows me to enjoy life a little more.

as I have already said several times, if I lived permanently on the 20th floor it would be easy, and I would have already jumped, but now I have to agree on a meeting time with the guard a few days before and during the When I'm on the terrace I don't have the urge to die.