Ctb is the only thing I think about

[CoolGuy9]

I just realized this. Every time I talk to my one friend who I can talk about these things, I want to change the conversation about ctb. Every time I talk to someone I can't tell about these things, I feel like I have to hide what I'm really thinking. Every time I go for a walk, I think about how this will be one of my last walks and how I'll never get to experience winter again.

I don't even think about the things that made me get to this point like my depression or my long list of failures, just ctb
.

 

[FuneralCry]

ctb is always on my mind as well, suicidal thoughts have been apart of me for a long time. I think for me it is the only escape from my life and I see death as some sort of freedom.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Me too. All i can think of from the moment of waking to the moment of sleeping is to ctb. I have no enjoyment or any sort of fulfilment ot of daily living other than that. It doesnt mean that i will be successful at it though but it helps me cope knowing that death is inevitable

 

[PeacePlease]

I don't talk about this to anyone, but it is always on my mind. Even in my ok days I always have this thougth. Most of the time I have to stop myself from making any references to it in my day to day conversations. I used to push the thoughts away but then one day I felt like I was too tired and considered it for real and decided that was the way I wanted to go and ever since I think I have aways had that in my head even though I don't talk it with anyone. I also try to hold back even when I'm in crisis because I don't want anyone trying to stop me If I ever find the courage to do it.