CTB Due to Health Problems

[TennTrixie]

Not to be disrespectful to anyone else because we all have our problems, but it seems most of the people I see on SaSu are here because of emotional problems. Is anyone here to research methods because of health problems? I have a few incurable health problems (not cancer) that I can see means a miserable life for me. I would prefer to end it now so that I don't live a life with these issues taking away my strength and independence, which are very important to me. I am struggling with when/how to do it because I do have people who care about me. I want to wrap up my affairs to make things easier to deal with once I'm gone. Also consider when to do it to be sure it isn't done on key dates. Thank for any input.

 

[NegevChina]

I'm here researching mainly because of 2 health issues making my life hell. Those issues add to my social anxiety and CPTSD I'm dragging from childhood but managed to cope with for 57 years.

 

[KillingPain267]

I have a mix of physical and psychological pain that I'm tired of. I was so active before I was 15, but suffered from massive debilitating headaches every other week already as a child.

 

[SonicFan1994]

Im here becuz of brain damage/injury, Combined benzos off the darkweb with alot of alcohol (titos vodka) because I saw it was a fatal combination on google in 2022, Left me with brain damage didnt kill me tho. I have massive headaches, feel like my brain is being zapped, head hurts, back of head stings, very strong headpressure, even erectile dysfunction. everyday since that attempt. I was being reckless and emotional, in hindsight it was dumb. Hardly sleeping becuz my head is constantly hurting or feeling weird.

Tons of other stories of people who have permanent damage from benzodiapenes on sites like benzorecovery on reddit & benzobuddies website where alot of people just never recover fully after experince the horrible withdrawals

Just hoping my brain reverts back to normal but its already been 2 years and things really havent changed much.

 

[NegevChina]

I have a mix of physical and psychological pain that I'm tired of. I was so active before I was 15, but suffered from massive debilitating headaches every other week already as a child.

Sorry for your pain. I know just how it feels

 

[TennTrixie]

I'm here researching mainly because of 2 health issues making my life hell. Those issues add to my social anxiety and CPTSD I'm dragging from childhood but managed to cope with for 57 years.

I understand. I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Im here becuz of brain damage/injury, Combined benzos off the darkweb with alot of alcohol (titos vodka) because I saw it was a fatal combination on google in 2022, Left me with brain damage didnt kill me tho. I have massive headaches, feel like my brain is being zapped, head hurts, back of head stings, very strong headpressure, even erectile dysfunction. everyday since that attempt. I was being reckless and emotional, in hindsight it was dumb. Hardly sleeping becuz my head is constantly hurting or feeling weird.

Tons of other stories of people who have permanent damage from benzodiapenes on sites like benzorecovery on reddit & benzobuddies website where alot of people just never recover fully after experince the horrible withdrawals

Just hoping my brain reverts back to normal but its already been 2 years and things really havent changed much.

I have that fear of things going wrong and being worse off than before. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

 

[Passersby]

Yes health problems that are not fixable. Health problems are a major legitimate reason to ctb in general imo. You see more older people doing it now too due to unresolvable health issues. They probably always have been but maybe you just hear more about it now or it's happening more often because people are waking up and saying I'm not going to take it anymore, and I'm tired of this so why not just take control over my life and die on my own terms before things get worse?

 

[sevennn]

tinnitus, crippled me. mom has to run me baths because the sound of the shower is piercing. i don't want to live like this.

 

[Chronicallyunwell]

Yes I have a chronic uti, which has been resistant to antibiotics. All i do is suffer, had my independence and wonderful sense of humour & free spirit taken away. Life has no purpose anymore. Terrified of it going wrong or going to hell for all eternity.

 

[Jarni]

yeah, important health problems are real hell :(
Severe long Covid here, lots of severe damage to nerves from Covid... my only reason to be here...
Even CTB is very physically difficult for me....

 

[TennTrixie]

Yes I have a chronic uti, which has been resistant to antibiotics. All i do is suffer, had my independence and wonderful sense of humour & free spirit taken away. Life has no purpose anymore. Terrified of it going wrong or going to hell for all eternity.

I have these same concerns

 

[Chronicallyunwell]

Do you feel comfortable sharing your health issues? I have reached a point where I think no human should have to live the way I am

 

[Thisisme373]

I understand you, I have health problems that make my life absolute hell, problems that I can't get diagnosed/helped with. It's by far my main reason for wanting to ctb. I already had anxiety & depression, these health problems have made my depression grow more severe. I can't live with them, I cannot function, I cannot enjoy anything. I'm suffering immensely everyday.

 

[TennTrixie]

Do you feel comfortable sharing your health issues? I have reached a point where I think no human should have to live the way I am

I've had 2 strokes this year. I'm on tons of new meds. I have neuropathy in my feet. Before, I was strong (physically) and independent. I'm now going to have to quit work and have no idea what to do. I'm used to doing what I want, but I can't any more. I expected that would happen when I grew old, but I'm not even 50 yet.

 

[Chronicallyunwell]

I've had 2 strokes this year. I'm on tons of new meds. I have neuropathy in my feet. Before, I was strong (physically) and independent. I'm now going to have to quit work and have no idea what to do. I'm used to doing what I want, but I can't any more. I expected that would happen when I grew old, but I'm not even 50 yet.

Oh gosh that is so horrible. I feel exactly the same except i'm only 36.
Here for you.

 

[sevennn]

all of this sounds so awful. how much the body can punish you :,(

 

[TennTrixie]

Oh gosh that is so horrible. I feel exactly the same except i'm only 36.
Here for you.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's unfair when the body turns on us.

all of this sounds so awful. how much the body can punish you :,(

I'm kind of afraid to ask that.

 

[J&L383]

I believe I have CPTSD, from medical trauma when I was 10 to 12 years old (when you're really not told what's happening, or why - your parents are doing all the deciding for you). Things are a little different now (there's more transparency even at a young age) but that was 50 years ago). There was surgery and it left me permanently changed, scarred, physically and psychologically, though I am considered "cured."

My mother died 2 years ago. (And my father 30 years ago). Still had anger so I didn't go to her funeral.

Anyway, not getting into specifics but... That's why I'm here and on this site, because suicide is, unfortunately, often on my mind.

 

[PhDone]

tinnitus, crippled me. mom has to run me baths because the sound of the shower is piercing. i don't want to live like this.

Omg same. I have three sounds that just constantly hit me. It ended up stopping me sleep and i fell down with ME/CFS. So now I cant live or have peace.


Me/CFS a grotesque illness, housebound cant live dont die of it. Cant try coz doing stuft can make you worse. No job, no socialising, no walking or movement, no friends or family around. Living in a country thats not my home and cant fly now. No support services. Constant terror and trauma from being trapped in a goddam cage of this body.

People manage to sit in this thing for decades. No idea how, I cant cope and mentally declining. I never knew life could be so awful. Always been active, passionate, chasing dreams. Now, sitting here alone every day. Wtaf. I just need the courage tho. …and somehow still not accepting ctb is it. But I know i cant live like this. Its actually not living.

Jeez its hard to read everyones suffering. How is it possible that this beautiful thing called nature can produce some awful shit in humans. I'm blown away that this stuff is even possible. Sending heaps of love to everyone.

 

[PhDone]

Not to be disrespectful to anyone else because we all have our problems, but it seems most of the people I see on SaSu are here because of emotional problems. Is anyone here to research methods because of health problems? I have a few incurable health problems (not cancer) that I can see means a miserable life for me. I would prefer to end it now so that I don't live a life with these issues taking away my strength and independence, which are very important to me. I am struggling with when/how to do it because I do have people who care about me. I want to wrap up my affairs to make things easier to deal with once I'm gone. Also consider when to do it to be sure it isn't done on key dates. Thank for any input.

Yeah its super tough having something that takes strength and independence away. I feel the same around something I could languish in for years. If there is no cure (which for me there isnt), why sit there suffering for decades? Some people do and find peace with their restricted lives. For me I know I will continue to decline mentally living like this.

Hardest thing in all of it is my family and cats…who are my babies.

 

[sevennn]

Omg same. I have three sounds that just constantly hit me. It ended up stopping me sleep and i fell down with ME/CFS. So now I cant live or have peace.


Me/CFS a grotesque illness, housebound cant live dont die of it. Cant try coz doing stuft can make you worse. No job, no socialising, no walking or movement, no friends or family around. Living in a country thats not my home and cant fly now. No support services. Constant terror and trauma from being trapped in a goddam cage of this body.

People manage to sit in this thing for decades. No idea how, I cant cope and mentally declining. I never knew life could be so awful. Always been active, passionate, chasing dreams. Now, sitting here alone every day. Wtaf. I just need the courage tho. …and somehow still not accepting ctb is it. But I know i cant live like this. Its actually not living.

Jeez its hard to read everyones suffering. How is it possible that this beautiful thing called nature can produce some awful shit in humans. I'm blown away that this stuff is even possible. Sending heaps of love to everyone.

i'm sorry my best friend had the same condition. and tinnitus is so heartbreaking. and isolating. i understand. i wish i had a cure for us ❤

 

[Chronicallyunwell]

Omg same. I have three sounds that just constantly hit me. It ended up stopping me sleep and i fell down with ME/CFS. So now I cant live or have peace.


Me/CFS a grotesque illness, housebound cant live dont die of it. Cant try coz doing stuft can make you worse. No job, no socialising, no walking or movement, no friends or family around. Living in a country thats not my home and cant fly now. No support services. Constant terror and trauma from being trapped in a goddam cage of this body.

People manage to sit in this thing for decades. No idea how, I cant cope and mentally declining. I never knew life could be so awful. Always been active, passionate, chasing dreams. Now, sitting here alone every day. Wtaf. I just need the courage tho. …and somehow still not accepting ctb is it. But I know i cant live like this. Its actually not living.

Jeez its hard to read everyones suffering. How is it possible that this beautiful thing called nature can produce some awful shit in humans. I'm blown away that this stuff is even possible. Sending heaps of love to everyone.

It truly is beyond belief. And people think ME is just tiredness....

 

[PhDone]

It truly is beyond belief. And people think ME is just tiredness....

I find it hard to believe nature allows such a state of existence tbh. You have it? At the end of dealing with it?

 

[Chronicallyunwell]

I find it hard to believe nature allows such a state of existence tbh. You have it? At the end of dealing with it?

No i have a heinous disease known as chronic urinary tract infection. Nobody understands it or knows how to treat it. In constant burning pain, I just so desperately need to go. I cannot accepy this as a 'life'. I dont know what to do, living in the UK, I am looking for a drowning spot.

No i have a heinous disease known as chronic urinary tract infection. Nobody understands it or knows how to treat it. In constant burning pain, I just so desperately need to go. I cannot accepy this as a 'life'. I dont know what to do, living in the UK, I am looking for a drowning spot.

What makes this truly CRUEL is knowing how amazing life would be without this chronic illness, seeing all my friends move on with happy lives, being a burden on my loved ones and slowly shrinking into a miserable, paranoid and anxious person. All I do is dread each moment until I can finally go to sleep. However, lately my mind has been torturing me that I will go to hell if I ctb. I am really scared but cannot realistically live like this and hope if there is a 'God', they would understand that. There is nobody I can talk to about this, apart from you lovely lot. My friends and partner cant bear to hear it, my mother gets upset, dad gets angry, therapists have to inform if having suicidal thoughts. I'm alone in this unbearable pain.

No i have a heinous disease known as chronic urinary tract infection. Nobody understands it or knows how to treat it. In constant burning pain, I just so desperately need to go. I cannot accepy this as a 'life'. I dont know what to do, living in the UK, I am looking for a drowning spot.

What makes this truly CRUEL is knowing how amazing life would be without this chronic illness, seeing all my friends move on with happy lives, being a burden on my loved ones and slowly shrinking into a miserable, paranoid and anxious person. All I do is dread each moment until I can finally go to sleep. However, lately my mind has been torturing me that I will go to hell if I ctb. I am really scared but cannot realistically live like this and hope if there is a 'God', they would understand that. There is nobody I can talk to about this, apart from you lovely lot. My friends and partner cant bear to hear it, my mother gets upset, dad gets angry, therapists have to inform if having suicidal thoughts. I'm alone in this unbearable pain.

I'm 35 and counting down the days for this to be over, it's absolute torture. Im looking for drowning locations in UK if anyone would be kind enough to share... PM me. I know nobody can but it's worth asking lol.

No i have a heinous disease known as chronic urinary tract infection. Nobody understands it or knows how to treat it. In constant burning pain, I just so desperately need to go. I cannot accepy this as a 'life'. I dont know what to do, living in the UK, I am looking for a drowning spot.

What makes this truly CRUEL is knowing how amazing life would be without this chronic illness, seeing all my friends move on with happy lives, being a burden on my loved ones and slowly shrinking into a miserable, paranoid and anxious person. All I do is dread each moment until I can finally go to sleep. However, lately my mind has been torturing me that I will go to hell if I ctb. I am really scared but cannot realistically live like this and hope if there is a 'God', they would understand that. There is nobody I can talk to about this, apart from you lovely lot. My friends and partner cant bear to hear it, my mother gets upset, dad gets angry, therapists have to inform if having suicidal thoughts. I'm alone in this unbearable pain.

I'm 35 and counting down the days for this to be over, it's absolute torture. Im looking for drowning locations in UK if anyone would be kind enough to share... PM me. I know nobody can but it's worth asking lol.

I meant im 36 lol how do i think im still 35. This year has been the worst

 

[Strawberry]

No i have a heinous disease known as chronic urinary tract infection. Nobody understands it or knows how to treat it. In constant burning pain, I just so desperately need to go. I cannot accepy this as a 'life'. I dont know what to do, living in the UK, I am looking for a drowning spot.

What makes this truly CRUEL is knowing how amazing life would be without this chronic illness, seeing all my friends move on with happy lives, being a burden on my loved ones and slowly shrinking into a miserable, paranoid and anxious person. All I do is dread each moment until I can finally go to sleep. However, lately my mind has been torturing me that I will go to hell if I ctb. I am really scared but cannot realistically live like this and hope if there is a 'God', they would understand that. There is nobody I can talk to about this, apart from you lovely lot. My friends and partner cant bear to hear it, my mother gets upset, dad gets angry, therapists have to inform if having suicidal thoughts. I'm alone in this unbearable pain.

I'm 35 and counting down the days for this to be over, it's absolute torture. Im looking for drowning locations in UK if anyone would be kind enough to share... PM me. I know nobody can but it's worth asking lol.

I meant im 36 lol how do i think im still 35. This year has been the worst

Have you tried Ayurvedic medicine for your UTIs. I suffer from recurrent UTis and found Chandrapabha Vati and Gokshurdi Guggul helpful. Though not a complete cure they alleviate symptoms.

 

[Chronicallyunwell]

Have you tried Ayurvedic medicine for your UTIs. I suffer from recurrent UTis and found Chandrapabha Vati and Gokshurdi Guggul helpful. Though not a complete cure they alleviate symptoms.

I haven't tried that, where can i buy those? Its unlikely anything to work ive also done chinese medicine

 

[Strawberry]

I haven't tried that, where can i buy those? Its unlikely anything to work ive also done chinese medicine

I get mine from ayurvedaherbals.co.uk
It's much better than Chinese medicine that didn't work for me either.

 

[Amarajoy]

I'm here because of physical health but don't have family to worry about. Still, it hasn't been easier because I'm not exactly ready to go nor do I want to by my own hand. The mental effects of having to contemplate this in that mindset are very mentally taxing. I'm also appalled society puts us in this position. Not only do we physically suffer but I have developed PTSD from this. All because some prolifers out there thinks they get to dictate my life for me. The right to die is the most basic of human rights.

 

[Amarajoy]

No i have a heinous disease known as chronic urinary tract infection. Nobody understands it or knows how to treat it. In constant burning pain, I just so desperately need to go. I cannot accepy this as a 'life'. I dont know what to do, living in the UK, I am looking for a drowning spot.

What makes this truly CRUEL is knowing how amazing life would be without this chronic illness, seeing all my friends move on with happy lives, being a burden on my loved ones and slowly shrinking into a miserable, paranoid and anxious person. All I do is dread each moment until I can finally go to sleep. However, lately my mind has been torturing me that I will go to hell if I ctb. I am really scared but cannot realistically live like this and hope if there is a 'God', they would understand that. There is nobody I can talk to about this, apart from you lovely lot. My friends and partner cant bear to hear it, my mother gets upset, dad gets angry, therapists have to inform if having suicidal thoughts. I'm alone in this unbearable pain.

I'm 35 and counting down the days for this to be over, it's absolute torture. Im looking for drowning locations in UK if anyone would be kind enough to share... PM me. I know nobody can but it's worth asking lol.

I meant im 36 lol how do i think im still 35. This year has been the worst

I can relate to this so well. I started to get intense fears of hell, also. That seems to have abated a bit. Now it's just sadness at a lost life. I hate watching everyone living their lives around me while I can't and I just suffer daily. I, too, look forward to sleep. It's the only respite from this suffering. I get panic when I start to wake and remember the body I am in.

 

[Jarni]

I can relate to this so well. I started to get intense tears of hell, also. That seems to have abated a bit. Now it's just sadness at a lost life. I hate watching everyone living their lives around me while I can't and I just suffer daily. I, too, look forward to sleep. It's the only respite from this suffering. I get panic when I start to wake and remember the body I am in.

I can relate to absolutely every word too.

I feel like my (very interesting) life has been flushed down the toilet overnight.