CTB Doubts

[RhapsodyinBerserk]

Does anyone have doubts about CTBing but once you start, it's almost like an inevitable process that has to be completed? Like I just started the steps to buying SN but I'm pretty sure I don't want to die. I'm leaving the SN as an option in case things get really bad and I can't take it anymore. That being said, I almost feel like once I started considering CTB, I feel like I almost have to draw the act out to completion. I realize that death is final, once it's done you can't take it back, but it feels like I'm on the road to my own demise anyways. Like nothing I do will ever cause things to improve because I simply can't improve. So why not go through with ending it all, even if it's something that I could possibly regret. If we all die anyways, does it honestly matter when? Or is there always more to live for if possible. I can't imagine death being the end from a naturalistic standpoint but it probably is all things considered. The SI for me is so bad that I'm even debating calling myself suicidal.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess it depends if you consider yourself an impulsive person. I'm glad I bought SN- because it's there for me as an option now. I don't think I'm all that impulsive though. I've had ideation for 33 years- so- I'm quite used to the thoughts themselves and for me- things need to happen before I feel I can go. (I'm waiting for my Dad to go first.) I'm not even sure I'll have the guts to go through with it even after that but I'm glad I got myself that option- before it becomes even harder to get hold of.

But no- I'd say- you're not obliged to do anything. I suppose obtaining the means to do it can feel like you're edging nearer but I personally feel it's what's in your head that's the most important. If you're having doubts- listen to them. Just store the stuff safely when it arrives and maybe do your best to forget about it.

Seeing as it's possible to CTB using all sorts of means- maybe think of it like that- all sorts of lethal means are available to us on a daily basis- with more risk- granted- but- just because they're there- it doesn't mean we hurt ourselves.

I guess the only worry is if you feel like you might be tempted to act impulsively one day because it's there type thing. I guess only you can judge that but the other thing is- SN isn't the most suitable method to do impulsively... Most failed attempts happen because people don't follow the protocols and fast/ take anti-emetics etc. So- I guess that could be another factor that might slow someone down and make them sure about what they're doing. Whatever you decide to do though- I wish you all the best.