achb
I am Clive
- Oct 23, 2023
- 133
I want to die. Of course I do, or else I wouldn't be here on this site lol.
But I often question why? Nothing's all that bad in my life tbh. I wonder if maybe I want to CTB because it's a goal I could never be disatisfied with fulfilling. Cuz I'd be dead.
It's something to imagine and contemplate when I'm feeling down or bored. And it's emotional enough to keep my mind busy and entertained, but not so much that it makes me want to stop feeling it. In fact, I turn to suicidal ideation to escape from really negative emotions.
Am I just using suicide like some fanciful dream I would like to realize but don't expect to? Some goal if I succeeded in I'd be happy with that, but in the mean time I'm satisfied just sitting in my feelings of wanting to?
Thoughts like this make me want to successfully ctb just to prove myself wrong tbh.
But I often question why? Nothing's all that bad in my life tbh. I wonder if maybe I want to CTB because it's a goal I could never be disatisfied with fulfilling. Cuz I'd be dead.
It's something to imagine and contemplate when I'm feeling down or bored. And it's emotional enough to keep my mind busy and entertained, but not so much that it makes me want to stop feeling it. In fact, I turn to suicidal ideation to escape from really negative emotions.
Am I just using suicide like some fanciful dream I would like to realize but don't expect to? Some goal if I succeeded in I'd be happy with that, but in the mean time I'm satisfied just sitting in my feelings of wanting to?
Thoughts like this make me want to successfully ctb just to prove myself wrong tbh.
