Crying when thinking about dying

[Candleburn]

Im planing to die next month. Im sure this is the only way. Still I'm crying everytime I think about it. Im griefing what my life could have been and the pain I will cause my love once. I wish so much that my life had been different but it all to late now and there is only pain left for me in life. Im scared what will happen after I die, what if I get to hell? But I need to die now, there is no other options.

Anyone else with this thoughts?

 

[dggtscccvfd]

Feel the same minus the hell. I don't believe in the afterlife.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Living is hard dying is even harder. Not that i want to stop you if that is your desire to CTB but how old r u and is there really no chance to turn life around? It doesn't sound like you really want to die? You don't have to answer if you don't want!

 

[unabletocope]

I feel you, I have these feelings as well

 

[KafkaF]

Im planing to die next month. Im sure this is the only way. Still I'm crying everytime I think about it. Im griefing what my life could have been and the pain I will cause my love once. I wish so much that my life had been different but it all to late now and there is only pain left for me in life. Im scared what will happen after I die, what if I get to hell? But I need to die now, there is no other options.

Anyone else with this thoughts?

I understand. I've felt the same way before. It seems maybe there's still stuff that's too important for you to say goodbye to.

Here we will always respect your decision no matter what it is, but remember that you don't HAVE to do this. You can change your mind. If you care enough you can still try. You don't have to die. And even if you change your mind back later, the option will still be there.

The option to end it will always be there. But option to try to recover will only be there so long as you don't decide to end it. So be sure that you want it and that you're not leaving anything behind that's too important for you to say goodbye to.

 

[EternalShore]

Im planing to die next month. Im sure this is the only way. Still I'm crying everytime I think about it. Im griefing what my life could have been and the pain I will cause my love once. I wish so much that my life had been different but it all to late now and there is only pain left for me in life. Im scared what will happen after I die, what if I get to hell? But I need to die now, there is no other options.

Anyone else with this thoughts?

I'm sorry for your fears :( I will reassure you that crying when thinking about dying is quite normal! Part of us is still so upset that we just couldn't do it! :(((
Anyways, in regards to Hell, pls remember that Jesus saves us by our faith, not by our works. If we still have faith in Him, then even though we may have sinned, we may still be saved by Hs grace and get to be in Heaven with him forever! ^_^ God bless you~ <3 I wish you well! :3

 

[Tesha]

I think you answered your own question - you're grieving and crying is a perfectly reasoned response to grief. As others have said, your end of life choice is yours and only yours to take - but the option to CTB will be available to you anytime, so there's no rush to force yourself into something until you're certain.

I'm also often a snotty puddle of tears because of my indecision and thinking about the people I'd leave behind. It's ok to be like this.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Im planing to die next month. Im sure this is the only way. Still I'm crying everytime I think about it. Im griefing what my life could have been and the pain I will cause my love once. I wish so much that my life had been different but it all to late now and there is only pain left for me in life. Im scared what will happen after I die, what if I get to hell? But I need to die now, there is no other options.

Anyone else with this thoughts?

I feel the same way.
The only human(s) that deserve to be in hell are the "pro-life" controlling/manipulative/slave-owning ones that invented the concept to terrorize us.
So fucking vile to plant that seed in our mind. Having heard it so much growing up no matter how much I try to doubt it the thought crawls in the back of my mind.

 

[Candleburn]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Living is hard dying is even harder. Not that i want to stop you if that is your desire to CTB but how old r u and is there really no chance to turn life around? It doesn't sound like you really want to die? You don't have to answer if you don't want!

I'm 35. I dont want to live the life I live. And there is no way to change it. I have made choices that cant be changed. I also have had server anxiety my whole life. I want to live another life, but I cant get that life. Im griefing what will never be, what cant be. Whats to late

I understand. I've felt the same way before. It seems maybe there's still stuff that's too important for you to say goodbye to.

Here we will always respect your decision no matter what it is, but remember that you don't HAVE to do this. You can change your mind. If you care enough you can still try. You don't have to die. And even if you change your mind back later, the option will still be there.

The option to end it will always be there. But option to try to recover will only be there so long as you don't decide to end it. So be sure that you want it and that you're not leaving anything behind that's too important for you to say goodbye to.

No but im upset that life didnt turn out the way I wanted. And im griefing that it never will, because its to late now. And I have no energy left to fight for it anymore

I'm sorry for your fears :( I will reassure you that crying when thinking about dying is quite normal! Part of us is still so upset that we just couldn't do it! :(((
Anyways, in regards to Hell, pls remember that Jesus saves us by our faith, not by our works. If we still have faith in Him, then even though we may have sinned, we may still be saved by Hs grace and get to be in Heaven with him forever! ^_^ God bless you~ <3 I wish you well! :3

Thank you!

 

[onion Fox]

I have these feelings as well...

 

[Unknown21]

I always cry about this matter, whenever it comes close I cry harder and remember these few moments of comfort and happiness in my life. This is the solution for me too, even though I am only 21 years old and I feel like I should really die.

 

[pluscat]

Im planing to die next month. Im sure this is the only way. Still I'm crying everytime I think about it. Im griefing what my life could have been and the pain I will cause my love once. I wish so much that my life had been different but it all to late now and there is only pain left for me in life. Im scared what will happen after I die, what if I get to hell? But I need to die now, there is no other options.

Anyone else with this thoughts?

If there is a loving god and he has seen your pain you won't go to hell, maybe you might even reach your full potential in the next life but who knows.

 

[xi0ni]

Im planing to die next month. Im sure this is the only way. Still I'm crying everytime I think about it. Im griefing what my life could have been and the pain I will cause my love once. I wish so much that my life had been different but it all to late now and there is only pain left for me in life. Im scared what will happen after I die, what if I get to hell? But I need to die now, there is no other options.

Anyone else with this thoughts?

i understand what you mean. when i think about how i will inevitably have to ctb, i cry like i'm mourning my own death. i can't help but think of myself as a child and how i will be killing her too. and then i cry more because of how pathetic it all is.

 

[Guy Smiley]

Definitely relate, except for the hell part. Of course, like everyone else, I don't know what happens after death, but I very much doubt it's heaven/hell or any such fanciful notions. So, at least that's one thing I'm not worried about.

 

[bipbapbop]

Yes, definitely. I am so so so sad that this is how things have ended up and how things have to be. Your feelings are valid and completely normal. We can cry together.

 

[Candleburn]

i understand what you mean. when i think about how i will inevitably have to ctb, i cry like i'm mourning my own death. i can't help but think of myself as a child and how i will be killing her too. and then i cry more because of how pathetic it all is.

Same here. I get really sad when i'm thinking about me as a innocent and happy 4-year old that loved to wear 2 hats and 3 skirt at once. How I just 1,5 years later meet the harsh world and all the bad things that just kept happening after that. I wish that I had died at 4 years old so I hadent need to experience anything of what happend afterwards. But at the same time it makes me sad to think about that happy 4 year old and that life ended like this.

Thanks for all replies. It made me realise that im actually mourning my own death and moste of all what could have been if things had been different.

 

[rozeske]

You are not alone. I have cried for many years now. Thinking this can't be my story, this can't be how it all ends. There are so many nights where I cried my self to sleep until my pillow was soaking wet. I cried so much my eyes in the morning would be so swollen it was hard to open them. I cried for the childhood I had, for the child that never received an ounce of affection, I cried for the life I lived, for the way my peers life turned around when mine descended down hill. I cried for myself who never got the deserved love and support. I cried so much for so long because having been raised christian I never could come to terms with the idea of killing my self even though I've had suicidal ideations from way back. I cried clinging on to what ever hope left in me that I could find happiness again, that I could live the life I wanted.
Now that i have done everything in my power, now that I have exhausted all my options, now that I have come to terms with the fact that maybe this was how it was supposed to be all along, my tears have literally dried. Now that I have come to terms with my end, i have stopped to give a fuck to any and everything. My tears have dried to the point it's alarming those around me. The irony of people and what gets their attention is kind of funny.

 

[cosmic-freedom]

Yes.This happened to me yesterday too.I cried in the bathroom,that if my luck wasn't so bad,I would be spending the rest of my life by the side of my loved ones.At this point,I would be happy if I ctb successfully within the next month.

 

[sadman710]

I used to cry maybe once a year. I cry just about every day now. I cried in the shower last night. I can't believe I got to this point, despite trying my best. When I almost passed out the last time I tried CTB and backed out, because the discomfort with partial, I fell on the floor in tears, saying how the hell did I get here - and imagined everything that has happened, the people who would be devastated of my passing, all of those who abandoned or tried manipulating me for gain during this hellish time, being forever unconscious and not knowing anything new that has happened and all the things I may experienced, whether it's a bigger hell or maybe something pleasant, the fact I might be persecuted because of someone else's actions that I entrusted and the problems I was left with... all when I devoted my life before to save my mother and not let her die. All I've learned is nobody gives a fuck, except a few, and I don't want to beg for their sympathy. I absolutely don't believe this places helps you when you fall, no matter how atypical the circumstance, despite your accomplishments of the past. You're fed to the wolves.