Venting Crying alone

[IDontKnowEverything]

Soon to be very drunk and bloody crying
I re-read the rules before posting and I think it's fine but pls tell me if it's not, sorry if I don't make sense, sorry if I am in the wrong forum it just seemed like the most suited one, I just need to write down something idk why it has to be here but it just has to, and sorry for the swear words.
It just doesn't make sense, why do I have so little emotions and yet so much, so many
These last few weeks passed by almost in a blur, I was on autopilot yet not studying nearly enough and the exams are soon and there's one more thing to fuck up but I just couldn't activate my brain that way, I am trying so hard to live, so fucking hard, yet I'm not even giving myself a proper chance here, I'm behaving like I'm not putting off another attempt, I am not behaving like someone trying to work hard for the future but I'm trying so hard to
I've done my best to be present yet time passed by and I barely had time to blink! what what what what why
I spent, wasted so much fucking time, trying to just kind of forget and live on and stay and see this world some more
Admittedly I've had a laugh or two, maybe a few interactions I liked but... why am I back here, literally crying and relapsing as I miss my fucking rope, just let me go now, please please
I'll stay, I'll stay but darn, why am I like this
Like.. so many people have it worse... I had it so much worse than this and fucking survived.
So why am I crying like a baby now, I do get it but refuse to get it if that makes sense... Like, why the fuck to I still feel so many things sometimes, it's the worst
My mind was so still for a while, stiller than it had ever been, and I know for a fact I will return to that state by tomorrow or the day after, almost like nothing happened, but fuck, why am I feeling emotions so intensly again all of the sudden? It hurts, it hurts so bad.. sorry, I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry

 

[Like_the_Angel]

Yep there's an infinity scale of worse, that doesn't mean your feelings are not valid
Idk how much time you spend here but it's ok to cry and be tired and be suicidal, we still love you
Idk if you trying to get better or to switch off completely, if you are here it means you're not alone in every choice

 

[IDontKnowEverything]

Yep there's an infinity scale of worse, that doesn't mean your feelings are not valid
Idk how much time you spend here but it's ok to cry and be tired and be suicidal, we still love you
Idk if you trying to get better or to switch off completely, if you are here it means you're not alone in every choice

Thank you, honestly so so much. Every word thank you.

 

[bankai]

We think everyone else has it worse, but we're all stuck in our own personal hell. I know better myself. My life is pretty good but I just can't stomach existence anymore. I mean, it's how I feel. Do I want to change? Yes. Are my feelings changing? No. Your suffering is extremely valid.

 

[IDontKnowEverything]

We think everyone else has it worse, but we're all stuck in our own personal hell. I know better myself. My life is pretty good but I just can't stomach existence anymore. I mean, it's how I feel. Do I want to change? Yes. Are my feelings changing? No. Your suffering is extremely valid.

Oh hi, I saw you around, a kind one you always are.
And I feel pretty much the same as you stated.
Yet thanks for your words, acknoledgment makes it easier.. never had much. And also thanks for the things you did while still around over here on this planet and on this community. Cheers.

 

[Dejected 55]

When you feel bad, sometimes insensitive others will try and tell you how others have it worse. Or you may think of that concept yourself. But why does that matter?

If I break my leg and it hurts and I need help... does it matter that someone else has two broken legs? Or no legs at all? Does it really mean you deserve no consideration or concern or help just because you aren't the winner of the worst situation contest that no one wants to participate in?

No one else should make you feel bad by comparison... but it's hard to stop yourself from bringing it up in your own mind. I'm there a lot. But I have to stop and remind myself that my pain sucks for me and it remains whether or not I am aware of anyone else having pain lesser or greater or even the same as my own.

You can only feel your own pain. And you only feel better when your own pain is gone. That's just truth.