You are so strong for being able to endure that and not physically break down. But holding that in could eventually lead you to implosion. Thought it might sound cheesy, maybe try expressing your feelings through different art forms first. For me at least, creative writing and music have helped me with my trauma, as they are both harmless methods of venting. Crying doesn't make us weak. They haven't won. They never will. Remember that :)
I'll keep trying. I do photograpy but even that is cold and emotionless.. I do appreciate your thoughts
I want to say thanks to the people on this thread. It has really confronted me with my fantasies of painful suicide and raised a posibility that pain is a substitute for deling with the sadness and hurt. I'm sort of repeating what I sid earlier but this insight is sonew and incisive that I am going to pursue it and ways to use it to change some things. This forum and thread is so helpful. Thanks to those who invited me to jopin a discusion of cptsd. I hope I can give back.
at the same time the thought has been there so long that it might stay
Great that you've been able to find this resource which has been so rare. The absolute worst thing that happened to me at 19 was given a fake Asperger's diagnosis (The woman who tested me was very cold). And I'm just thinking of the future and how people like Pete Walker are fighting for a moral cause and not giving permanent diagnoses (he often talks of how we're affected by narcissistic behaviour same as an illness and not trapped in permanent diagnoses of our selves but temporary responses).
Wow, nothing other than medication. I've had auditory hallucinations thatn would just come for 1 second or so . They were music. A neurologist gave me low dose anti seizure med and it stopped them.
aahh mine are pretty much constant right now. propranolol controls them a bit but I think I need to go on a higher dose (im only on 40mg a day) although Im so fatigued on them which is a problem when im already severely depressed and have fatigue from a neuro condition :(
have u had a medical , not pschiatrc assessment. My understanding iss sometime they can be from a medical illness especially if they are visual
im diagnosed with CPTSD(severe PTSD), severe depression and dissociative disorder, i highly doubt its come from a physical health problem so Im not gonna look into that but thanks for looking out for me :)
Thanks for this thread, so many useful thoughts to look into, as well as good reading!
I go back and forth looking for a grusome end then not even thinking about it.m Got very depressed over weekend and ending was all i could think about but its gotta be painful.
yes! I used to have recurring nightmares of explosions/war/fire. Im actually an sexual abuse victim and wasnt in war or anything but that was the recurring theme, i'd be having a normal dream and then sudden loud explosions woke me up. the good thing is that over the years they declined to the point that now I do have nightmares but theyre infrequent. i think yours will go away too - just with time and patience. this is 7 years in to a PTSD diagnosis for me (now rediagnosed as CPTSD) and they still come sometimes, so it really does take a while for nightmares to calm down. sorry youre going through this, solidarity <3
I am having a particularily hard time with nightmares right now. I cannot sleep as nightmares start as soon as I fall asleep and I wake up more exhausted than before, and without sleep I cannot function. So it is bad nights and bad days. Has anybody found ways to cope or at least make it easier? I know the really bad episodes eventually end, I am just not seeing the end of it right now.
