Venting Coworkers make me want to CTB

[FuneralFogeist]

Going to work day in and day out has been hell. The work itself is whatever but what really triggers my SI are my coworkers. Seeing people around my age interact, laugh, joke around, etc. fills me with complete despair. I've been isolated for so long that I feel like a disgusting monster trying to interact with normal people. Judging by my interactions with them I doubt my intuition is wrong. I've become so bitter around regular people. While I don't outwardly express it, a part of me is so jealous of people who are free of the intense anxiety I've lived with my whole life. I'm aware how pathetic it is yet I can't help but feel it. There's also that reality that it'll be harder to cultivate friendships as I get older and older, which has left me hopeless. I know my only way out is CTB. I just need to find the courage to finally follow through. Hopefully sooner or later.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I feel the same exact way. I feel broken.
I don't have any advice I'm sorry.

 

[Dejected 55]

I get this. It's something that always creeps into my life too. I'm unemployed now, but whenever I've had a job either I get depressed being around everyone OR people start to notice I'm not involved in certain conversations or talking about my weekend or whatever and someone will start to pry and ask questions, which leads to conversations that depress me more.

It's one of many reasons why I haven't bothered to look for work since losing my last job.