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I feel lost. I'm a right-wing extremist for being more concerned about the economy than about the 80k dead senior citizens. I'm a left-wing extremist for being more concerned with the well being of the mother than I am with protecting the "sanctity of life" of the aborted fetus. Ha, ha. Not all life is created equal, and yes, some lives are worth less than others. Cold truth no one likes to admit.
I remember in my 12th grade English Lit class, our teacher broke us up into groups for an exercise. We were given a series of survival scenarios with different people and we could only save some of the people. My group had no problem with this drill. We all unanimously agreed on which would be the "smart" choice to let die, even if it seemed callous. Later, my teacher admitted to me he was surprised because he had strategically set up groups to promote as much conflict between groups as possible. I wonder how those kids are doing now. I wonder if, to them, it was just a drill that they wanted to get done with or if they, like me, truly think that way.
I can't help but keep reading about the COVID-19 news. I don't know why. It's addictive. Maybe I'm looking for hope. Maybe I'm looking for vindication. Either way, it paints a bleak picture. The left is so desperately trying to paint Trump an incompetent villain who botched the COVID-19 response. I read an article today that criticized him for "80k deaths and 33 million unemployed." Ha. Wasn't he the one trying to save our jobs? Ah, yes, anything Trump says is so utterly wrong just for coming out of his mouth. Oh, but the right is not much better. Too busy trying to reciprocate in the excrement flinging contest with the left that leaves millions of Americans high and dry, without support.
80k USA deaths so far, huh? What's 80k out of 330 million? .024%? Did a miss a few zeroes in there or something? This is why life grinds to a screeching halt? But this is more than died in Vietnam, yes? In 1975, at the end of the war, the population in the US was 219 million, and the world population was about 4 billion. More people = more death, simple math. But Vietnam was a 10 year event and corona a 3 month event, yes? But Vietnam was the deaths of thousands of young, healthy men with their whole lives ahead of them. Corona is not, with around 80% of the deaths being in those over 65 and with failing health. Ah, but here we come to one thing the right and left can agree on: death counts are inaccurate. The right says they're over reported. One who died of other causes but tested positive is reported as died from coronavirus. The left says they're under reported. Those who die in their homes are not counted. Will we ever know? Does it even matter anymore?
And now they predict 75k misery deaths here in the next decade. Up to a 50% increase in Australia, jeez. Only these deaths will be stacked against the young. 75k deaths in a decade, better than 80k in two, three months, right? Except some lives are worth more than others, and these lives will carry a greater cost for a longer time.
Alcohol sales up as much as 400%. Suicide and crises hotlines' call volume up as much as 800% in some places, 100-200% increases being more commonly reported from what I've seen. 14.7% unemployment. Grocery cost increase of 1.5% in some places, the highest since 1974. Food shortages. Food banks turning people away because they're out of food. People being unable to grow their own food because "gardening is non essential." Outstanding citizens arrested for playing in the park while following social distancing guidelines. Inmates released early to prevent prison overcrowding. People fined for keeping their businesses open. Pastors criminalized for holding service and patrons being fined for attending. Gun sales being banned in some states because guns deemed "non essential." The moral superiority of some people against others for exercising their freedom to speak, to assemble, to protest and demand recourse--shaming those who might perhaps dare question the government.
I jokingly asked my partner when this all started... "what if America becomes communist after all this and China becomes a free republic?" It was such a bizarre thought that I couldn't help but laugh. And yet... this is not what freedom sounds like.
I count myself lucky. Maybe I have an intuition, maybe it's just dumb luck. I left my cushy job a few months before corona hit. This job was in one of the industries majorly impacted by all this. I have no news on how they're doing, but I expect my positions would have been one of the first eliminated. I moved from where I lived alone to where I now live with my partner, who has been the only thing keeping me from disintegrating immediately. I took another job as a temp position before corona hit. This job would turn into an essential job when corona hit. And I saw the store torn apart. I saw empty shelves that both made me laugh at the frightened chickens running around with their heads cut off and made my insides go cold at the thought that here, in the land of plenty, there might not be enough. I thought it would pass as quickly as it hit. But then I saw restrictions increase and I had to leave before I too would be required to wear a mask and gloves. So now I'm home. My partner's job is secure and we live comfortably enough. I shouldn't complain.
But I remember. I was only a kid in the 2000s, but I remember being homeless. I remember moving between relatives homes for a few months at a time. I remember standing in line at the food bank well into my teens. The American dream was to rise above this, and this is what I'm seeing everywhere I look.
Today I saw a headline saying that "Americans create new economic threat with their savings." Haha, yes, let's blame the people for being financially cautious when half of anyone under age 50 has seen lost wages. Yes, let's blame the people for the government shutting down the economy and leaving everyone for dead.
On day one, I said this was a horrible mistake that would pave the way for crimes against the American people. My friends and partner humored me with a good "yeah, fuck the government" and went on their merry way. After a few weeks, it became clear this was bigger than any of us thought. Again, I raged against this, but this time I was met with helpless shrugs of indifference. Sure, it was wrong, but what could they do about it? What did it matter anyway, it's not like their lives were affected. I cut these people out of my life. After more time, I said I'd rather die than live in a world like this, and I was reassured that those with sway, those like Elon Musk, would pressure the government into stepping off. And now, I look at the economy and I wonder how long will this drag on? Will we be paying for this for the next year? Two? Five? Ten? At what point is the cost too great? My partner says it's going to work out. Because of this, we'll be in a great position to purchase a home and be all set for the next phase in our life. And I wonder what's the point? Is a king in a wasteland still a king?
All is lost already. The dream is dead. America is dead.
The only comfort I have now is watching it burn.
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I feel lost. I'm a right-wing extremist for being more concerned about the economy than about the 80k dead senior citizens. I'm a left-wing extremist for being more concerned with the well being of the mother than I am with protecting the "sanctity of life" of the aborted fetus. Ha, ha. Not all life is created equal, and yes, some lives are worth less than others. Cold truth no one likes to admit.
I remember in my 12th grade English Lit class, our teacher broke us up into groups for an exercise. We were given a series of survival scenarios with different people and we could only save some of the people. My group had no problem with this drill. We all unanimously agreed on which would be the "smart" choice to let die, even if it seemed callous. Later, my teacher admitted to me he was surprised because he had strategically set up groups to promote as much conflict between groups as possible. I wonder how those kids are doing now. I wonder if, to them, it was just a drill that they wanted to get done with or if they, like me, truly think that way.
I can't help but keep reading about the COVID-19 news. I don't know why. It's addictive. Maybe I'm looking for hope. Maybe I'm looking for vindication. Either way, it paints a bleak picture. The left is so desperately trying to paint Trump an incompetent villain who botched the COVID-19 response. I read an article today that criticized him for "80k deaths and 33 million unemployed." Ha. Wasn't he the one trying to save our jobs? Ah, yes, anything Trump says is so utterly wrong just for coming out of his mouth. Oh, but the right is not much better. Too busy trying to reciprocate in the excrement flinging contest with the left that leaves millions of Americans high and dry, without support.
80k USA deaths so far, huh? What's 80k out of 330 million? .024%? Did a miss a few zeroes in there or something? This is why life grinds to a screeching halt? But this is more than died in Vietnam, yes? In 1975, at the end of the war, the population in the US was 219 million, and the world population was about 4 billion. More people = more death, simple math. But Vietnam was a 10 year event and corona a 3 month event, yes? But Vietnam was the deaths of thousands of young, healthy men with their whole lives ahead of them. Corona is not, with around 80% of the deaths being in those over 65 and with failing health. Ah, but here we come to one thing the right and left can agree on: death counts are inaccurate. The right says they're over reported. One who died of other causes but tested positive is reported as died from coronavirus. The left says they're under reported. Those who die in their homes are not counted. Will we ever know? Does it even matter anymore?
And now they predict 75k misery deaths here in the next decade. Up to a 50% increase in Australia, jeez. Only these deaths will be stacked against the young. 75k deaths in a decade, better than 80k in two, three months, right? Except some lives are worth more than others, and these lives will carry a greater cost for a longer time.
Alcohol sales up as much as 400%. Suicide and crises hotlines' call volume up as much as 800% in some places, 100-200% increases being more commonly reported from what I've seen. 14.7% unemployment. Grocery cost increase of 1.5% in some places, the highest since 1974. Food shortages. Food banks turning people away because they're out of food. People being unable to grow their own food because "gardening is non essential." Outstanding citizens arrested for playing in the park while following social distancing guidelines. Inmates released early to prevent prison overcrowding. People fined for keeping their businesses open. Pastors criminalized for holding service and patrons being fined for attending. Gun sales being banned in some states because guns deemed "non essential." The moral superiority of some people against others for exercising their freedom to speak, to assemble, to protest and demand recourse--shaming those who might perhaps dare question the government.
I jokingly asked my partner when this all started... "what if America becomes communist after all this and China becomes a free republic?" It was such a bizarre thought that I couldn't help but laugh. And yet... this is not what freedom sounds like.
I count myself lucky. Maybe I have an intuition, maybe it's just dumb luck. I left my cushy job a few months before corona hit. This job was in one of the industries majorly impacted by all this. I have no news on how they're doing, but I expect my positions would have been one of the first eliminated. I moved from where I lived alone to where I now live with my partner, who has been the only thing keeping me from disintegrating immediately. I took another job as a temp position before corona hit. This job would turn into an essential job when corona hit. And I saw the store torn apart. I saw empty shelves that both made me laugh at the frightened chickens running around with their heads cut off and made my insides go cold at the thought that here, in the land of plenty, there might not be enough. I thought it would pass as quickly as it hit. But then I saw restrictions increase and I had to leave before I too would be required to wear a mask and gloves. So now I'm home. My partner's job is secure and we live comfortably enough. I shouldn't complain.
But I remember. I was only a kid in the 2000s, but I remember being homeless. I remember moving between relatives homes for a few months at a time. I remember standing in line at the food bank well into my teens. The American dream was to rise above this, and this is what I'm seeing everywhere I look.
Today I saw a headline saying that "Americans create new economic threat with their savings." Haha, yes, let's blame the people for being financially cautious when half of anyone under age 50 has seen lost wages. Yes, let's blame the people for the government shutting down the economy and leaving everyone for dead.
On day one, I said this was a horrible mistake that would pave the way for crimes against the American people. My friends and partner humored me with a good "yeah, fuck the government" and went on their merry way. After a few weeks, it became clear this was bigger than any of us thought. Again, I raged against this, but this time I was met with helpless shrugs of indifference. Sure, it was wrong, but what could they do about it? What did it matter anyway, it's not like their lives were affected. I cut these people out of my life. After more time, I said I'd rather die than live in a world like this, and I was reassured that those with sway, those like Elon Musk, would pressure the government into stepping off. And now, I look at the economy and I wonder how long will this drag on? Will we be paying for this for the next year? Two? Five? Ten? At what point is the cost too great? My partner says it's going to work out. Because of this, we'll be in a great position to purchase a home and be all set for the next phase in our life. And I wonder what's the point? Is a king in a wasteland still a king?
All is lost already. The dream is dead. America is dead.
The only comfort I have now is watching it burn.
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