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[U. A.]

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Spoiler

understandable. i have no room for failure, so it is, quite literally, do-or-die for me. that of course complicates things due to the combination of a lack of effective, tolerable (to me) and available methods of hastening my death.

for better or worse, unless something gets real bad real fast, i imagine i have some years left yet.

and don't worry Sphinxi youre doing great.

 

[gunmetalblue]

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[Sphinxi]

I'm mostly the same, I no longer attempt to commit CTB, but that doesn't change the fact that I really want to.

A while ago, when I had friends, a friend told me "sphinxi, you clearly dont have ut in you to kill yourself so you might as well live a life" so maybe there is something there
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[U. A.]

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The famous film The Shawshank Redemption has a line that's repeated by a few characters: "Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'."
I am doing neither, in reality...but really, there are only those two options.

 

[gunmetalblue]

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"Shall I kill myself or have a cup of coffee?"

 

[Sphinxi]

"Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'."

One trait common to people here is some condition tnat makes it im possible to "live" and by live I roughly nean impact ones enviomrnent and navigate social space.
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[U. A.]

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"Shall I kill myself or have a cup of coffee?"

that is the question, isn't it?

One trait common to people here is some condition tnat makes it im possible to "live" and by live I roughly nean impact ones enviomrnent and navigate social space.

i completely understand the essence here but am thinking there may me a forgotten contraction or adjoining word, haha. or i am simply out of it.

 

[gunmetalblue]

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You're out of it, chose the coffee you need it hehe

 

[Sphinxi]

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that is the question, isn't it?

i completely understand the essence here but am thinking there may me a forgotten contraction or adjoining word, haha. or i am simply out of it.

Impossible*?
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[Xi-Xi]

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"Shall I kill myself or have a cup of coffee?"

My Daily Dillema:

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[gunmetalblue]

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Relatable

 

[U. A.]

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Impossible*?

Spoiler

ah, there it is. my brain was omitting the separated "im" from the "possible".
agree, and i think this is why there's a disproportionate amount of young people, and imo why teen suicides tend to fall into the tragedy camp. because often (not always) life becomes drastically different after leaving home is an option.

 

[Sphinxi]

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impact ones enviomrnent and navigate social space.

For myself this would be my moderate agoraphobia and general reticentness, as well as postraumatic symptoms. Social isolation js common here, but this may be due to it being an internet fourm.

teen suicides tend to fall into the tragedy camp

It really does break my heart. I think for some people they make the rational falculation that their life is not worth living, but thus is rsrely the case for youth.

Spoiler

Archetypically in my mind the disrinction here is between my father and brother

 

[Xi-Xi]

Is suicide murder?

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[U. A.]

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It really does break my heart. I think for some people they make the rational falculation that their life is not worth living, but thus is rsrely the case for youth.

Spoiler

Archetypically in my mind the disrinction here is between my father and brother

the "funny" thing is the older you get, the younger everyone else seems. of course age isn't a cause for insight but merely a (potential) correlate. all of this to say the tragedy aspect never really loses its sting

Spoiler

if i'm reading this right then i am sorry you have lost them both this way.

 

[Sphinxi]

Is suicide murder?

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I think so. In judaism, there is a peayer you say when one close to you dies, you say it daily for about 11 months at shul, and every year on the anniversary of their death . For sauicide, you do not mourn. Some people play word games to say thay they were killed by mental illness or thet they could regret it before dying, but I reject this. I say no kaddish except for my other brother who passed in a car accident.

@U. A. might I ask how.old you are? Roughly is okay

if i'm reading this right then i am sorry you have lost them both this way.

I think I have talked about it beofre outside of dms here, but yes, they both passed from suicide a few months apart from one another, in addition to my other brother. I found my brother(ctb one)... I will spare the details.

It's interssting how genetic/enbiomental it all is. Yeaes before they died, one of my earliest memories is trying to ctb.

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[U. A.]

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[Sphinxi]

Have you read or heard of Epictetus?

Pretty sure he was brought hp in my grek philosophy class but I havent read him besides maybe an excerpt. Is he good?
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[U. A.]

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Spoiler

most contemplative suicidals end up dipping their toes in stoicism eventually. I thought of him because I'm sure the line I quoted from Shawshank earlier was inspired by a line of his: "remember that the door has been thrown open. Do not become a greater coward than the children, but just as they say, 'I won't play any longer,' when the thing does not please them, so do you also, when things seem to you to have reached that stage, merely say, 'I won't play any longer,' and take your departure; but if you stay, stop lamenting."

 

[Sphinxi]

Yes stoicism is very popular for "philosophy as life advice"; I generally agree with the quote, although I prefer neitzche for the whole fix your life thing (although given that we are on the suicide forums, take the lkfe advice books I find helpful with a grain)

Going to drink more. Done with all my schoolwork.
Another trait common here is self sabatoge
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[U. A.]

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have some water at the least, and something to eat if you haven't.

here's a slightly-less-clunkily worded version of the above (though still not at good as the Penguin edition), along with a source:
"To sum up: remember that the door is open. Do not be a greater coward than the children, but do as they do. Children, when things do not please them, say, 'I will not play any more'; so, when things seem to you to reach that point, just say, 'I will not play any more,' and so depart, instead of staying to make moan."
This has also brought Diogenes to mind. I have always been fascinated by the fact many great thinkers of antiquity were thoroughly displeased with what was to them "modern" society. Seems something has always been wrong!

 

[Sphinxi]

have some water at the least, and something to eat if you haven't.

Dowsnt thus just make you less drunk?

I have always been fascinated by the fact many great thinkers of antiquity were thoroughly displeased with what was to them "modern" society.

My thesis was supposed to be on why they were basically right and how something important was lost over time. People were right about radio, tv, books, etc destroying a meaningful part of our society
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[U. A.]

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Spoiler

Dowsnt thus just make you less drunk?

Haha, the only thing that makes you "less drunk" is your liver filtering your blood over enough cycles to get rid of the alcohol. Water will help minimise the brutality of a potential hangoer, plus hydration is always good.

My thesis was supposed to be on why they were basically right and how something important was lost over time. People were right about radio, tv, books, etc destroying a meaningful part of our society

Sounds like an interesting topic.

 

[Sphinxi]

Haha, the only thing that makes you "less drunk" is your liver filtering your blood over enough cycles to get rid of the alcohol. Water will help minimise the brutality of a potential hangoer, plus hydration is always good.

Will drink some water, but I usually just drink the next morning to get rid of the hangover.

Sounds like an interesting topic.

Yeah badk when I cared more I was writing a lot about concepts of alienation and whatever
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[gunmetalblue]

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[Sphinxi]

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[U. A.]

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well, my brain switched off some time after your last post sphinxi, so you have the last word in this chapter.

 

[Sphinxi]

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My brain shut off a lonngggg time ago

 

[boddibo]

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i ain't reading all that

 

[gunmetalblue]

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Morning Broody