Kuri, there is so much I wish I could say, but I do not have the words. My cognition has declined and my capacity to articulate my innermost feelings has been compromised to such an extent in the last several months, that I simply cannot adequately articulate my feelings and thoughts towards your situation, the life you have lived, and you as a person. But I feel compelled to try. You deserve to hear how much you are appreciated and valued, even if words on a screen could never sufficiently convey that.
I cannot express how much I appreciate you, care about you and wish life could be different for you - and how much you deserved better than this. I have no words of comfort, nothing I can offer to ameliorate your anguish. Attempts to do so feel cliché, hollow or maladroit, and you deserve more than that.
I understand the concept of carrying weight all too well. When your pains are irremediable, your obstacles are insurmountable and your circumstances are unconquerable, society still stipulates that you must strive to survive regardless. It's an unspoken rule that you can never admit that this is an utterly Sisyphean expectation, with no relief or reward in sight. There is only so much one can carry - we all have limits - and no-one should be expected to infinitely push that increasingly burdensome boulder for decades.
Loss, grief, trauma and pain all accumulate over time - a tap leaking that eventually becomes a sea of sorrow and suffering that you finding yourself sinking in.
You have already accumulated so much suffering at such an early age. You carry so much trauma in addition to navigating complex, misunderstood disabilities and illnesses, and enduring constantly challenging circumstances with little reprieve. I always hoped this relentless, ruthless existence would give you a break, but it never did. Often, it's the best people I have met who never seem to be afforded a chance to at least catch their breath. I am sorry that life has been so cruel and unfair, brought you to your knees like this and pushed you into a corner. I am angry and distraught at how life has repeatedly ravaged such a kind soul.
They way your ex treated you fills me with fury. After everything you have endured, he felt entitled to inflict further damage with his abuse, then had the audacity to blame you and insult you when you rightfully stood up for yourself.
Despite his abhorrent actions, I know you loved him. The love you had for him was always transparent in your posts, even as you vented about your relationship troubles and shared how much he hurt you. You showed more forgiveness, love and understanding than he deserved, when he never extended a fraction of that devotion and effort to you. You deserved so much better than that, and he has no idea how fortunate he was to have you in his life.
You are the first person here I noticed, and that I felt a connection with. There are so many parallels in our pasts, our ailments and several of our present struggles, and we share similar perspectives on a broad range of subjects. I have never encountered someone I resonate with on such a profound level before. You have a brilliant mind, a pure heart and a masterful gift for writing. You have composed heartbreakingly beautiful and incredibly insightful posts that I will never forget. I truly wish we could have known one another under a different set of circumstances, but I'm glad we crossed paths.
I am here for you regardless of what happens from here. If you stay, I will be here to listen to you, support you and remind you of your worth. If you must go soon and you know it is time, I will be here to support you until the very end. I would miss you terribly, but I am not saying this to discourage you. I respect your autonomy and the last thing I want is for you to live against your will or endure any suffering. The fact I would miss you so much is a testament to how immensely you impacted me and touched my heart, and I know you have touched the hearts and lives of many members here.
I feel fortunate and grateful to have met you and I am genuinely proud to call you my friend. You deserve peace whatever you decide to do. Sending you lots of love
