Could be my last drink.

[copioushopelessness]

Ordering a couple overpriced starbucks drinks. Havent had any food. Will have to wait until ths drinks leave my stomach. I was going to wait until nighttime anyway. This awful poor town looks so much uglier during the day.
I wish I were in a hotel room. I don't want to see this awful apartment. I've hated it since I had to move in.
There's nothing good in my life, why does this have to be so scary. I wish I hadn't researched more about sn. I don't want to know the details, now I do. I've always been squeamish about health related stuff even though I'm severely chronically ill. My organs are giving up on me anyway. I'm trying to be careful what I say because I don't want to seem like I'm looking for encouragement. I'm just trying to make connection to someone, something before I go.
I don't want to live with poverty, extreme illnesses and brain damage anymore.

 

[vascomorrow]

Ordering a couple overpriced starbucks drinks. Havent had any food. Will have to wait until ths drinks leave my stomach. I was going to wait until nighttime anyway. This awful poor town looks so much uglier during the day.
I wish I were in a hotel room. I don't want to see this awful apartment. I've hated it since I had to move in.
There's nothing good in my life, why does this have to be so scary. I wish I hadn't researched more about sn. I don't want to know the details, now I do. I've always been squeamish about health related stuff even though I'm severely chronically ill. My organs are giving up on me anyway. I'm trying to be careful what I say because I don't want to seem like I'm looking for encouragement. I'm just trying to make connection to someone, something before I go.
I don't want to live with poverty, extreme illnesses and brain damage anymore.

Brain damage? You sound fine to me

 

[copioushopelessness]

Brain damage? You sound fine to me

Thanks. I'm really not though. My mind isn't what it used to be at all. It's mostly just gibberish and horrible thoughts that don't make sense. I had all I could do to even type a few thoughts.

 

[vascomorrow]

Thanks. I'm really not though. My mind isn't what it used to be at all. It's mostly just gibberish and horrible thoughts that don't make sense. I had all I could do to even type a few thoughts.

I like your posts. You seem to be a nice smart person

 

[copioushopelessness]

I like your posts. You seem to be a nice smart person

Thank you for your kind words. Conversation is so hard now. I don't how to respond.
We have this community online but sometimes I wish we could get together and start a funny farm. The misunderstood and forgotten taking care of eachother. I pray anyone with some hope left keeps going.
I thought the closer I came to this the easier it would be. I fear my last moments, but dying slowly like I have been is too hard. Health really is wealth.