Corpse zombie

[Rye]

It's been a year since my last real attempt. Things have been good, and bad. A lot has happened since then, a lots changed too.
My birthday is soon. this one is a big one. I never thought I'd make it, and honestly, I still don't. I feel stuck. I'm just so tired, it's debilitating and I can't do anything. I feel like I'm already dead. Like I'm living in a corpse that's rotting with me inside it. A corpse with stupid obligations and responsibilities I can't fulfill. I've been on numerous new medications, none have helped. I've tried changing my lifestyle, I don't know, now that I'm writing this all out I feel stupid.
I just genuinely can't do it anymore. It doesn't get better. Maybe for some, but it's been a year and I'm tired of waiting.
It's worse than it was, at least back then I had the ability to feel happy, or sad. Now I'm just tired. It's the medication I think. Turns people into zombies.
I don't know if I want to make it to my birthday. It will only get more difficult after this one.

 

[Electra]

I'm feeling similarly now. I don't have the energy to do anything. And all the responsibilities keep piling up ,demanding my attention and my physical and mental energy. Every single time I question myself is that how all the remaining life is gonna be? Just working working to barely survive. And then working some more. How can you find anything to live for when it's all about making money and constantly working yourself to the bone? And the meds don't necessarily make it better. They're trying to give you synthetic happiness but sometimes they dull you even more.