Constantly wishing for bad things to happen

[IsolatedPotato17]

is it just me that's fucked up or does anybody else constantly keep wishing that terrible things happen to them ? and when something does happen you justify it by telling yourself you deserve it and much worse after everything you've done ?

wishing for your own death so badly every single day , learning about extremely messed up ways people have died and wishing that was you. waking up every morning disappointed that you didn't die in your sleep after all that praying last night. constantly hurting yourself everytime you find yourself smiling/laughing or feeling happy in general because you don't deserve any of it ( sorry this one might be a little too much )

this happens to me everyday and i wanted to know if there's people around who experience similar stuff.

 

[orca87]

I feel you! Nothing would be better if just something happened that took my life.

I had a small accident a few weeks ago. Nothing serious but I blacked out for a fraction of a second. I remember that feeling of relief I had when that happened. And the disappointment that followed when everything became bright again

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I think we've wished and prayed for death to take us away...

What makes you think you deserve terrible things though?

 

[IsolatedPotato17]

I think we've wished and prayed for death to take us away...

What makes you think you deserve terrible things though?

a lotta things. everything i've done , all the people i've hurt. the guilt of past mistakes never leaves.

 

[spooky_kxtty]

Definitely; after being empty and completely numb, anything to make me cry or scared I constantly secretly wish for just to feel something. I can't stand not feeling anything but crippling emptiness so when I feel something to slightly fill up that hole for a moment it feels good even if it's pain. Idk if anyone else can relate to that because I know it's normal to wish for death but to wish for more pain to feel human is something different

 

[WorthlessCoward]

I don't need to wish for anything, they just happen naturally.