Conscious for SN Convulsions?

[Spitfire]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. My heart goes out to you. Once you can send messages please feel free to send me a message. My son died 3 years ago in a car accident on his way to work. The depression, devastation, just existing only alive because my heart beats and I'm breathing. I'm so so sorry. Feel free to reach out I am here for you.

I am usually amazed whenever reading what you say Sinkinshyp! I perceive you to be a great person and I trust you as being genuine with your words. That was nice thing to say...

This site is amazing because of the people on it with what they are posting (saying) to other people. This place is unlike any other I found.. and WOW am I ever soo extremely glad sanctioned suicide exists!

My heart goes out to all of the people!

It sounds like this site is maybe even also a good place for those who have lost a loved one to suicide too? I am sincerely sorry it is the way it is.. and it is not something different and better in the first place more than anything - to start with and say that for what it is worth.

Maybe there are some people on here after losing a loved one to suicide, and they find out things about a person they love and now miss.. and they have to come to terms with finding out and knowing their loved one had those types of thoughts and feelings, which they may not have know about.. some secret stuff about them if you know what I mean, or anything at all really.

I have noticed this site seems to have a wide collection of users on it who get to experience a sense of love and care that is/was being expressed as otherwise nonexistent to them in real life.

 

[Weary Soul]

I have noticed this site seems to have a wide collection of users on it who get to experience a sense of love and care that is/was being expressed as otherwise nonexistent to them in real life.

It has for me. Thank you everyone!

<3

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I am usually amazed whenever reading what you say Sinkinshyp! I perceive you to be a great person and I trust you as being genuine with your words. That was nice thing to say...

This site is amazing because of the people on it with what they are posting (saying) to other people. This place is unlike any other I found.. and WOW am I ever soo extremely glad sanctioned suicide exists!

My heart goes out to all of the people!

It sounds like this site is maybe even also a good place for those who have lost a loved one to suicide too? I am sincerely sorry it is the way it is.. and it is not something different and better in the first place more than anything - to start with and say that for what it is worth.

Maybe there are some people on here after losing a loved one to suicide, and they find out things about a person they love and now miss.. and they have to come to terms with finding out and knowing their loved one had those types of thoughts and feelings, which they may not have know about.. some secret stuff about them if you know what I mean, or anything at all really.

I have noticed this site seems to have a wide collection of users on it who get to experience a sense of love and care that is/was being expressed as otherwise nonexistent to them in real life.

Thank you so much Spitfire. You've made me blush. I've promised all of you I will always be honest here, it's just how I am as a person- I'm mom first in everything though.

When Joey died the police tampered with his phone- they screwed up his charging port so I was not able to get into all his phone. I did take out the card with pics. I went through his computer his tablet.. anything left by my son is cherished. I can understand @pissedoff77 wanting to find any last remnants of her son. I don't know if I could be strong enough to see my sons last words on a forum. I do understand her wanting to see what she can though. I have Joeys instagram, I have 3 of his emails, and I tried to get his facebook but he did not designate anyone to take it over so it is in remembrance now. I wish I didn't tell them he passed so I could have kept it going. I do post things on it so my son will NEVER be forgotten.

I know this forum has a bad reputation in some places. People who have never felt so depressed that they wish death will NEVER nor can they begin to understand what it's like. There is a lot of support here for eachother- not just to ctb. The kindness, the suggestions, the open in boxes. People do try to help eachother and understand eachother. Only here can we say I wish I was dead yesterday will people understand and offer compassion, offer to talk to you and not look at you and say you have to keep yourself busy it will go away... so it doesn't just go away. Than the really horrid mental health system- if someone is lucky enough to see a therapist most therapists are unkind and in their way of words cause someone more emotional pain. Ones like me who therapy is out of reach have no hope... I am in recovery- mostly due to my younger son & I rebuilding our relationship but the friendships I've developed here are special. Being able to help or be there for someone helps me as well as them.

Sorry I went totally off subject here but I blame @Spitfire

 

[StuFin]

Does it make you feel good to bully someone like me in chronic non stop pain who is here trying to find some way to end her misery? You and your cohorts are despicable.

How do you plan on ending your suffering MG? If you don't mind me asking??

 

[StuFin]

Why do you ask?

Just curious, I've seen you around here a bit and wondered if you have a plan or preferred method.

 

[StuFin]

And that is your business why?

Hey I'm not looking for an argument. You seem very switched on and knowledgeable I thought maybe I might learn something off you since you seem to have thought about this a lot.

Sorry to have upset you.

 

[job1315]

I am struggling to understand? How do these - asthma and seizures - relate in the way you say they do in comparison to what happens when a person becomes hypoxic after consuming 25 grams of sodium nitrite?

Hypoxia in seizures? Are you thinking of the tiny blood vessels in certain specific areas of the brain that have vasospasms during the seizure activity? Or, the loss of a gag reflex and resulting obstructed airway which leads to hypoxia and elevated CO2 (hypercapnic). Irregular breathing to cause hypoxia? This is not at all the same as what happens to cause hypoxia after consuming sodium nitrite.

You know of people who were conscious and aware during the convulsions of their seizure activity? Consciousness is totally lost and nonexistent during the time when convulsions are occurring during seizures... Is that not correct?

How does asthma compare to the hypoxia which occurs after the consumption of sodium nitrite? The airways are restricted in asthma and may lead to hypoxia.. The problem of the airway being restricted causes a build-up of CO2 to set off the hypercapnic alarm to cause the panicky feeling of suffocation and air hunger during an asthma attack. I do not see much of a correlation between this and sodium nitrite, for with what is happening in the body?

Are you able to explain this a little better? It makes no sense to me with how you are attempting to relate seizures and asthma to the global hypoxic state that happens after a person consumes 25 grams of sodium nitrite.. and the possibility of consciousness being maintained during the time of convulsions?

I would not think of comparing carbon monoxide poisoning to asthma or epilepsy...

However, I would compare the effects of carbon monoxide poisoning to the effects of sodium nitrite poisoning all day every day...

If you can explain? I am genuinely curious how you came up with these conclusions based on medical knowledge, specifically as to asthma and epilepsy being compared to sodium nitrites effect on the body, and hemoglobin losing its ability to carry oxygen to the cells?

With SN alone, I'd be inclined to agree. But this why we have all the ancillary drugs with it. The specific way they work together is what speeds the process up and makes it more peaceful. That's why I said if done right, you should be unconscious first.

If you really research the method, most failures and even successes with unpleasant experiences like delayed unconsciousness are people who omit or change the cocktail.

Thanks, what is difference between seizures and convulsions? Do people on CO2 have one or the other?

 

[LastFlowers]

Your best bet might just be going through the old posts from a couple/few months back and seeing if you can find something that is his general tone of writing. If he shared his story with us you may recognize him that way as well. I am sorry it is such a needle in a haystack.

This actually worries me. Is using SN as a method a sure fire way of leading a trail to this website? Anyone know?
Because it seems to be with the relatives of those who have passed with it, even if no direct trace of SS was left on their phone/devices. And we know that even if we remove labeling, the manner of death can still be deduced by medical staff. I don't want my relatives or anyone else trying to scour the threads looking for me. It already disturbs me that "loved ones" are so willing to readily invade the privacy of the dead.

 

[Ghost2211]

This actually worries me. Is using SN as a method a sure fire way of leading a trail to this website? Anyone know?
Because it seems to be with the relatives of those who have passed with it, even if no direct trace of SS was left on their phone/devices. And we know that even if we remove labeling, the manner of death can still be deduced by medical staff. I don't want my relatives or anyone else trying to scour the threads looking for me. It already disturbs me that "loved ones" are so willing to readily invade the privacy of the dead.

It is certainly a potential. Nothing here is a secret.

 

[k75]

Thanks, what is difference between seizures and convulsions? Do people on CO2 have one or the other?

In this context, it's the same thing.

 

[woxihuanni]

This actually worries me. Is using SN as a method a sure fire way of leading a trail to this website? Anyone know?
Because it seems to be with the relatives of those who have passed with it, even if no direct trace of SS was left on their phone/devices. And we know that even if we remove labeling, the manner of death can still be deduced by medical staff. I don't want my relatives or anyone else trying to scour the threads looking for me. It already disturbs me that "loved ones" are so willing to readily invade the privacy of the dead.

I am sure if anybody found my trail, they would quickly log off after seeing my elaborately explained concerns about the Abomination's hole and its dangers to the world. Write like me, nobody will want closure anymore.

 

[Meditation guide]

s using SN as a method a sure fire way of leading a trail to this website? Anyone know?

If you google sodium nitrite you see links to this site. I don't see how anyone can simply read through threads trying to find someone as long as you don't give identifying information.

 

[LastFlowers]

I am sure if anybody found my trail, they would quickly log off after seeing my elaborately explained concerns about the Abomination's hole and its dangers to the world. Write like me, nobody will want closure anymore.

Lol thank you for that, in some ways I may have already.
I don't think they will want or need closure, they already shut the door on my face long ago. I'm concerned that just the general curiosity and not minding their own business, the more people who are told the exact manner of death, the more likely one or more of them will stumble upon this place and try to figure it out. It might even trickle down to non-blood relatives who are even more vile and ready to inject themselves into any person's past just to selfishly be a part of things.
And then if they see shit they don't like, they are liable to out my identity and re-write my whole life to others, just because they feel offended or what not.

I just don't agree with family members trying to find information and people here willingly giving it to them or vice versa. Even the ones who think they are doing it for some type of "cause" (like those trying to take down this site) still do so at the cost of their own child's privacy and anonymity.
The reason we know some member's real names is because their family went and told the whole world. I didn't sign up for that when I joined this website. That really scares me.
My parents have both had multiple instances of letting their mouth overflow to people who have no right hearing whatever private information they are spilling. With another method more well known to the public, I doubt they'd come across me, but with SN..which I have been realizing more and more is my only option, there is a chance.
..Has anyone ever requested full deletion of their presence on this site? I would rather not do that because I have taken a lot of time to contribute and converse with people, but I am wondering if anyone has thought about that.
...I also wish there was an option to remove our username from being put into the search function, which allows easy access to every and any post we ever made.
It is so exhausting having to worry about all of this. I just want people to leave me alone when I am dead, just like they have in life.

 

[justpeachy]

What royalfuzz said is also the reason why I'm afraid of SN. It scared the fuck out of me as the observer of letzteAusfahrt's suicide in his goodbye - thread described that LA tried hard to say something but couldn't. Or in another goodbye-threat (sorry, forgot the name of the member) someone observed that the person tried to say fuck, fuck, fuck before getting unconscious.
I am not a pro lifer but I really would like to have a method that does not give me the worst panic attack or horrible pain in my last seconds.

That was moonicide. I may have spelled it wrong but hers scared me out of SN too. It seemed to be very uncomfortable. There was another one that happened recently that scared me too. I personally won't use it unless it's my only option left but I am not going to tell others what they can or can't do.

 

[woxihuanni]

Lol thank you for that, in some ways I may have already.
I don't think they will want or need closure, they already shut the door on my face long ago. I'm concerned that just the general curiosity and not minding their own business, the more people who are told the exact manner of death, the more likely one or more of them will stumble upon this place and try to figure it out. It might even trickle down to non-blood relatives who are even more vile and ready to inject themselves into any person's past just to selfishly be a part of things.
And then if they see shit they don't like, they are liable to out my identity and re-write my whole life to others, just because they feel offended or what not.

I just don't agree with family members trying to find information and people here willingly giving it to them or vice versa. Even the ones who think they are doing it for some type of "cause" (like those trying to take down this site) still do so at the cost of their own child's privacy and anonymity.
The reason we know some member's real names is because their family went and told the whole world. I didn't sign up for that when I joined this website. That really scares me.
My parents have both had multiple instances of letting their mouth overflow to people who have no right hearing whatever private information they are spilling. With another method more well known to the public, I doubt they'd come across me, but with SN..which I have been realizing more and more is my only option, there is a chance.
..Has anyone ever requested full deletion of their presence on this site? I would rather not do that because I have taken a lot of time to contribute and converse with people, but I am wondering if anyone has thought about that.
...I also wish there was an option to remove our username from being put into the search function, which allows easy access to every and any post we ever made.
It is so exhausting having to worry about all of this. I just want people to leave me alone when I am dead, just like they have in life.

Nope, doesn't sound like you need any of those people come sniffing around here.

It is worth asking for that search limitation option from mods. Also maybe leave it on your profile that you don't want members to help any busybodies find you.

As for full deletion, that is not possible. And as you say, it is sad to lose all that contribution. Our last screams and smiles ans everything.

 

[justpeachy]

I am struggling to understand? How do these - asthma and seizures - relate in the way you say they do in comparison to what happens when a person becomes hypoxic after consuming 25 grams of sodium nitrite?

Hypoxia in seizures? Are you thinking of the tiny blood vessels in certain specific areas of the brain that have vasospasms during the seizure activity? Or, the loss of a gag reflex and resulting obstructed airway which leads to hypoxia and elevated CO2 (hypercapnic). Irregular breathing to cause hypoxia? This is not at all the same as what happens to cause hypoxia after consuming sodium nitrite.

You know of people who were conscious and aware during the convulsions of their seizure activity? Consciousness is totally lost and nonexistent during the time when convulsions are occurring during seizures... Is that not correct?

How does asthma compare to the hypoxia which occurs after the consumption of sodium nitrite? The airways are restricted in asthma and may lead to hypoxia.. The problem of the airway being restricted causes a build-up of CO2 to set off the hypercapnic alarm to cause the panicky feeling of suffocation and air hunger during an asthma attack. I do not see much of a correlation between this and sodium nitrite, for with what is happening in the body?

Are you able to explain this a little better? It makes no sense to me with how you are attempting to relate seizures and asthma to the global hypoxic state that happens after a person consumes 25 grams of sodium nitrite.. and the possibility of consciousness being maintained during the time of convulsions?

I would not think of comparing carbon monoxide poisoning to asthma or epilepsy...

However, I would compare the effects of carbon monoxide poisoning to the effects of sodium nitrite poisoning all day every day...

If you can explain? I am genuinely curious how you came up with these conclusions based on medical knowledge, specifically as to asthma and epilepsy being compared to sodium nitrites effect on the body, and hemoglobin losing its ability to carry oxygen to the cells?

Depends on the type of seizure in terms of being alert or not. There's are types you can walk around and be totally alert during, and others that you don't recall at all. I've had grand mal (tonic clonic) seizures from overdosing and I don't recall anything. I didn't even feel bad before I went down. Next thing I recall was being really tired and not being able to think clearly for a few hours. I could barely even tell you my name.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

having hypoxia at times with my copd/emphysema and my respiratory failure I can agree hypoxia is not a pleasant experience. It's one I try to avoid and hope I never have to experience again. As far as people being alert during the hypoxic event and feeling seizures convulsions. There is really no way to tell what they are feeling. How much damage due to lack of oxygen to the brain has caused them to not be home during the events.

 

[Meditation guide]

That was moonicide. I may have spelled it wrong but hers scared me out of SN too. It seemed to be very uncomfortable.

Willitpass was another uncomfortable one.
Moonicide took the full regimen too. Still was groaning and gasping for air.

 

[justpeachy]

Thank you for that. I am honestly heartbroken. My solace is that he knew without a doubt how much I loved him.

Yes I've tried searching with his user names for other sites and even just things I know he loved but got nothing.

I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I am a mother too and can only imagine the pain. I wanted to say that most of us do not use a username that we would typically use just for this reason, so it cannot be traced.

If the convulsions people speak of are seizures, and in particular a grand mal seizure, been there done that.

After it happened, I was told that I dropped to the ground went completely blue from lack of oxygen, but I have absolutely no memory of it and it did not hurt in the slightest until I woke up with a severe concussion and my mouth chewed up.

It was very weird waking up with no memory of where I was and what had happened.

I have also had, what I think are more minor seizures... my body will jerk around without conscious control. Aside from startling me, this caused no pain for me.

Is this what happens with SN ingestion? Who can say???

I see so many questions here asking about methods to move on that cannot be answered.

<3

i have had the same experience from grand mal seizures from overdosing which i can imagine may be similar to an overdose on poison. i also don't recall anything. i don't recall feeling bad before the seizure, i don't recall the seizure and the next thing i even remember is being in an ambulance terribly confused. i wasn't able to even say my name or what year it was. but hypoxia from seizures isn't anywhere close to how you get hypoxia from SN so have no idea how this person is relating the two.

 

[Ghost2211]

It makes me sad to think there may be a time when my kids are adults that they come and find my old posts. They would get to see a very wide picture of who I am, and I suppose in some ways it might bring them comfort to actually get to read who their mom was. I think upon doing so they will learn a lot more about their dad than he would want to know. In a way it brings me some degree of comfort to know that the secrets of his abuse can't die with me as long as the site is alive. The degree of sadness it made me feel to write this makes it so clear to me how much I will endure and carry-on for them.

 

[Spitfire]

Thanks, what is difference between seizures and convulsions? Do people on CO2 have one or the other?

Convulsions are sometimes considered a type of seizure. It is a nuanced term. For all intents and purposes, convulsions are simply uncontrolled muscle movements and contractions. There are plenty of conditions having this symptom with no loss of consciousness. Seizures result from erratic bursts of electrical brain activity, and sometimes seizures produce convulsions.

While having a seizure the brain can do anything it is normally capable of doing, wether you want it to or not, and wether you are conscious or not. Such as gasping for breath and changing breathing patterns, reaching, opening and closing eyes, etc...

 

[woxihuanni]

Convulsions are sometimes considered a type of seizure. It is a nuanced term. For all intents and purposes, convulsions are simply uncontrolled muscle movements and contractions. There are plenty of conditions having this symptom with no loss of consciousness. Seizures result from erratic bursts of electrical brain activity, and sometimes seizures produce convulsions.

While having a seizure the brain can do anything it is normally capable of doing, wether you want it to or not, and wether you are conscious or not. Such as gasping for breath and changing breathing patterns, reaching, opening and closing eyes, etc...

Is it possible I'd scream after losing c. from sn?

 

[Ghost2211]

Is it possible I'd scream after losing c. from sn?

No, the loudest sound anyone seems to have made from SN is vomiting. Humans don't scream during unconsciousness. From the reports I've seen I haven't heard of anybody screaming or yelling in discomfort from the process of dying from SN.

 

[woxihuanni]

No, the loudest sound anyone seems to have made from SN is vomiting. Humans don't scream during unconsciousness. From the reports I've seen I haven't heard of anybody screaming or yelling in discomfort from the process of dying from SN.

Not that he would respond to a scream anyway, so I should be safe. It will be OK.

 

[job1315]

Willitpass was another uncomfortable one.
Moonicide took the full regimen too. Still was groaning and gasping for air.

As I recall Moonicide's hard breathing only lasted a couple minutes before slowing down

 

[pissedoff77]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. My heart goes out to you. Once you can send messages please feel free to send me a message. My son died 3 years ago in a car accident on his way to work. The depression, devastation, just existing only alive because my heart beats and I'm breathing. I'm so so sorry. Feel free to reach out I am here for you.

Thank you for your kind words. Not many people in my life can understand or seem to care how I feel. A huge part of me left with my son. I have a young daughter and older son and am trying so hard to be there for them. I feel like I'm in a fog. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. I will delete my account as it won't do any good even if I found anything my son may have written. He is gone and nothing will bring him back.

 

[Weary Soul]

@pissedoff77

 

[justpeachy]

It makes me sad to think there may be a time when my kids are adults that they come and find my old posts. They would get to see a very wide picture of who I am, and I suppose in some ways it might bring them comfort to actually get to read who their mom was. I think upon doing so they will learn a lot more about their dad than he would want to know. In a way it brings me some degree of comfort to know that the secrets of his abuse can't die with me as long as the site is alive. The degree of sadness it made me feel to write this makes it so clear to me how much I will endure and carry-on for them.

I feel this way more than I am willing to even admit. I am a Mom too and it's what I struggle with the most surrounding CTB. I lost a parent at the same age she is and it really fucked me up. I ended up a drug addict by 15 and full blown heroin addict by 18. I have been off heroin now for 8 years but struggle with amphetamines still. Anyway not sure where I was going with all that... just wanted to say I can relate.