Venting Conflicting feelings

[acat567]

Everyday I'm getting worse and i feel awful. I have no real reason to CBT. My family is so loving, my friends care about me so much, but everday I wake up and feel miserable. My friends make plans for the future, they talk about collage, I can barely get out of bed and attend a full week of school. it's my final year, we're in the home stretch, and I feel so scared. Im so pathetic and can't do anything. nothing that made me happy makes me feel that way anymore. Thinking of drawing or roleplaying (yes Ik. cringe.) makes me feel miserable. I don't know why. I want to be CBT before I'm expected to go off to collage because I know I won't be able to handle being on my own. Sometimes I think I must be sub human to of have so many opportunities given to me only to fail and each and every opportunity. some days I can't even *remember* to take care of myself, and the days I can I usually don't have the energy. What kind of idiot forgets to eat for 3 days? I really don't know what's wrong with me and what went wronf. All my friends have real issues, they're trying to escape horrible home lives and live proudly in spite of all their issues. I really dont know where I went wrong. Even with all of this I'm still scared to Die. Im such a waste of space and resources already, if I was dead all the stuff my family and friends invest in for me? Gone. I'm scared of what's after death, im not really religious but we humans dont know much about It. What if what's after it is worse than living? What if Christian's were right and I'm eternally damned? Hell, what I'd the ancient Egyptians were right? It sounds silly I know, buy I'm just so tired of everything. everyday I wake up, and I feel miserable. The most mundane easy tasks are so difficult. I don't want to die only to find I was better off pushing through my miserable life because my eternal fate is worse.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound very tiring what you have to endure and just because somebody else will always have it worse doesn't mean that your feelings aren't valid. But I personally believe that after this we just cease to exist with everything finally forgotten about, there is no point to fearing death as we are destined for nowhere but to die anyway. I wish you the best, it's very much understandable just wishing to be free from this futile struggle.