Discussion Conclusion | Goodbye Thread - 2 Days until salvation

[Jrileniwa]

Looking at the things that are necessary to make it as close to 100% chance to do it right is kind of insane.
Nevertheless, good luck and I hope things go as planned.
Did it take a lot to get a hold of everything?

 

[purebliss]

Looking at the things that are necessary to make it as close to 100% chance to do it right is kind of insane.
Nevertheless, good luck and I hope things go as planned.
Did it take a lot to get a hold of everything?

Most of it was fairly easy to get

The hardest part was definitely the propanolol and without my ex-ctb m8 there would have been no chance for me to get it.
Benzos are super easy to get btw, despite sounding like they are the most difficult ^^

 

[Jrileniwa]

Most of it was fairly easy to get

The hardest part was definitely the propanolol and without my ex-ctb m8 there would have been no chance for me to get it.
Benzos are super easy to get btw, despite sounding like they are the most difficult ^^

I see.
Well, if there's one thing I have is that too in some form. I got it because it was something they said I needed. It's just the SN that's escaping my grasp at the moment.

 

[purebliss]

I see.
Well, if there's one thing I have is that too in some form. I got it because it was something they said I needed. It's just the SN that's escaping my grasp at the moment.

Yeah, SN you can actually rather easy source from China as well

Check the PPeH
They outlined a source

Someone posted the March 2026 PPeH as a textbook version somewhere here ^^

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I hope you find your peace.

 

[Jrileniwa]

Yeah, SN you can actually rather easy source from China as well

Check the PPeH
They outlined a source

Someone posted the March 2026 PPeH as a textbook version somewhere here ^^

I'll check more throuroughly, thank you. I hope the voyage is a pleasant one, for as much as it can be.

 

[purebliss]

I'll check more throuroughly, thank you. I hope the voyage is a pleasant one, for as much as it can be.

I am still not 100% certain that my exit will occur on that date.

I am still thinking about the "Heath Ledger" method and ordered copious amounts of morphine, oxycodone and all the other meds he took that led to his peaceful demise.
Also well aware that it's not a guaranteed method.

But in that dosage that I intend to take it at least a permanent coma is guaranteed xD

Shit costed me around 260$
But if it works as intended then this is as peaceful as Nembutal
I just get knocked out and stay forever knocked out

 

[PainWorseThanDeath]

Man, why do you want to die? Obviously you're far more intelligent than most. What is so bad with life to make you want to end it? This is a serious inquiry.

What, if anything, could change your mind?

 

[bloodybushman]

your plan is very well laid out. super impressive stuff. i hope the trip is as smooth and as painless as possible. wishing you peace .

 

[purebliss]

Man, why do you want to die? Obviously you're far more intelligent than most. What is so bad with life to make you want to end it? This is a serious inquiry.

What, if anything, could change your mind?

TLDR:

My brain is the core issue.
Being me is the issue.

Spoiler: A bit more indepth

The issue inherently in me is that my brain makes being me unbearable. I have diagnosed clinical depression and ADHD which acts as an extreme amplifier.
Additionally, to that it is suspected that I have Borderline and BPD as well. And I feel that. Hard

Whatever I touch, crumbles
Whatever I crave is never enough
Whatever I feel is only ever an extreme with way more lows than highs

If you know the concept of the hedonistic treadmill then it should be clear that usually someone goes back to their hedonistic normal after a little bit of time.
My hedonistic normal is on rock bottom. What my "normal" was for the last 13 years was waking up, contemplating for 30 straight Minutes if it is easier for me now to just run into traffic or actually do the day.

I had to lie to everyone. Show that I am such a "jolly person", because showing who you really are is always being met with disapproval.
Suddenly everyone is "unable to deal with you" and you see who really stays behind. In my case? Almost nobody.

When my mask broke down in 2020 for the first time everyone except 2 people distanced themselves from me. They did not want me anymore, nothing.
After my stay in the clinic I put my fake personality back on, and it was okay again.

At some point you even start to fuse with said personality and that becomes you.
I had days when I came home and only when I looked in the mirror realized how little truth is even left about me.
I saw my tired, sad and exhausted face and just told to myself "Huh. So that is how I really look like".
I don't know myself who I really am right now. I just know whatever I play to be is not me.

And everything is crumbling now. I no longer want to go back to that life.

Then additionally with the borderline I was also never able to keep a serious relationship going.
I always sabotaged it, always fucked it up everything.
Purely objectively and materialistically speaking, I have an amazing life. I earn a lot of money every month, somewhat lucked out in the genetic lottery which allowed me to partake in hookup culture (which ironically fucked my head even more because I hate everything about it) to stay "high" from one of my past relationships, just so I don't have to come down. Feel free to read my life story regarding that ^^'

I got everything the usual guy would want. I fulfilled all my materialistic dreams and desires.
I have nothing left.
Absolutely nothing.

If I can't be really me without being all alone
If I can't switch my head out
If I can't escape my own thoughts

Whatelse can I do?

Man, why do you want to die? Obviously you're far more intelligent than most. What is so bad with life to make you want to end it? This is a serious inquiry.

What, if anything, could change your mind?

The only thing that somehow kept my brain quiet was first my aggressive Masochism. Basically my form of selfharm where I allowed my Partner to hurt me far more than I actually liked (Also a lot more to that in my life story at the top of the first post) and now drugs...
Oh, and being cuddled also made my brain go a bit more quiet for a small time as well.
But I can't have that 24/7. I am well aware.
I have scars over my arms, back and chest. Just takes one day that I might accidentally make someone murder me...

There is nothing else that can keep my head on the down low anymore
My very last ex-girlfriend would love to still do all that with me, but where is the merit in that... stay high? Just to further run away?
Why should I do that... I am objectively unable to ever get truly good

your plan is very well laid out. super impressive stuff. i hope the trip is as smooth and as painless as possible. wishing you peace .

Thank you very much ^^
Ordered a bunch of Opiods and other stuff now and might give myself the Heath Ledger treatment

Somewhere around wednesday next week I should have every single drug he had.
Looking forward to that. Really depends if the 10th will be my last day or not

There are still some things dependent on it...

 

[dannycho]

Then I am not quite sure
Could you send me the amazon link? I can tell you then if it's valid or not ^^

I figured it out. It was Amazon pharmacy and you still need a prescription

 

[purebliss]

I figured it out. It was Amazon pharmacy and you still need a prescription

Makes a lot more sense now ^^

Didn't even knew Amazon had a pharmacy department

 

[eyenumbing]

i hope you find peace my friend. wishing you well

 

[Daisy88_99]

Yeah, SN you can actually rather easy source from China as well

Check the PPeH
They outlined a source

Someone posted the March 2026 PPeH as a textbook version somewhere here ^^

Do you know if that Chinese source is legit? I haven't seen anyone in here talk about them that I could find and more troublingly, the original source website seems to have been sold and it redirects you do another website that still allows you to buy it, but I think that might be a scam. I did sent them an email and they haven't responded yet raising more red flags. That's the first source I found but I didn't see anyone talk about it here, so I just left it be thinking it was likely a scam.
NVM: This user seems to confirm it's a scam which is really bad because this link is literally in the PPeH: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sd-for-sn.242144/
here is another forum talking about it: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/has-anyone-actually-received-sn-from-sd.215875/#post-3461715

 

[paranoid]

Happy belated birthday ! I hope you find peace in whatever way you choose. To be honest, I'm holding out hope that you'll give life another chance, but I respect your journey and your decisions no matter what.

 

[purebliss]

I in fact did not pull through just yet.

The DMT did not arrive and I ordered something else.... Fun =) that I want to try out.

I still have hopes that the DMT trip might show me something that I missed so far. Any reason at all to hold on.

If not: I am ready for the other side

 

[Knives_14]

Hey man, i'm glad you're still here =)
I shot you a pm but since i'm new i might have fucked up ._.

 

[purebliss]

Hey man, i'm glad you're still here =)
I shot you a pm but since i'm new i might have fucked up ._.

You didn't :>
Check your messages

SaSu does not notify you when you are written back. Poor UX but oh well...

 

[Knives_14]

Uhm i'm checking in my conversations but i think i'm realizing that's not where i'm supposed to check xD
Sorry again, still sooo noob =p

 

[purebliss]

Uhm i'm checking in my conversations but i think i'm realizing that's not where i'm supposed to check xD
Sorry again, still sooo noob =p

Saw your message and texted you back ^^
Check "private conversations"

Not the normal messages tab :>

Go on the chat symbol and go to "private conversations" there

 

[Knives_14]

For the life of me i can't find it, but no worries. I will. Not bothering you anymore about it :]

Edit: it seems i have to wait a while before i can do that, i thought it was only a matter of number of messages..!

 

[an alien]

I in fact did not pull through just yet.

The DMT did not arrive and I ordered something else.... Fun =) that I want to try out.

I still have hopes that the DMT trip might show me something that I missed so far. Any reason at all to hold on.

If not: I am ready for the other side

I hope this fun thing arrives and is indeed fun. I'm sorry the DMT did not come through though, it's something I've been meaning to try as well. Fingers crossed it shows up for you

 

[EscThisPlace321]

That's a really professional plan. Like if I ever commit to CTB or decide to CTB I will definitely use your guide as help....that pills to knock yourself out after you take the SN are genius....