Chatting while I drink

[lili]

Hey everyone,

Just wrote another post after the other. I feel super sad right now and extremely depressed. I don't know what to do. A random nurse just called me from the hospital just to check in on me. I told her I had taken a bunch of pills she wants me to go to the emergency room I said no, she wanted to call ambulance I said no, then she said to call my emergency contact and she will check in on me after.

Very awkward timing to check in on me. I'm getting a bit drunk with the pills I'm taking to see if I pass out and just not deal with this. I know I can't CTB with the pills I have but I can't exist in my reality anymore, not sure if anyone experiences This.

So I don't know I want to feel connected to someone here, if anyone wants to chat here or talk about whatever problems their having right now I want to listen. Just feel lonely.

 

[Shu]

Are you going to be okay? It's not going to hurt you is it?

 

[lukas19]

Hey everyone,

Just wrote another post after the other. I feel super sad right now and extremely depressed. I don't know what to do. A random nurse just called me from the hospital just to check in on me. I told her I had taken a bunch of pills she wants me to go to the emergency room I said no, she wanted to call ambulance I said no, then she said to call my emergency contact and she will check in on me after.

Very awkward timing to check in on me. I'm getting a bit drunk with the pills I'm taking to see if I pass out and just not deal with this. I know I can't CTB with the pills I have but I can't exist in my reality anymore, not sure if anyone experiences This.

So I don't know I want to feel connected to someone here, if anyone wants to chat here or talk about whatever problems their having right now I want to listen. Just feel lonely.

Yes I'd like to talk, although don't expect any optimism from me. I have given up, just looking for a quick, painless exit. If you wanna say, why you so down?

 

[lili]

Are you going to be okay? It's not going to hurt you is it?

I don't know I keep taking pills and drinking I don't think so its just gabapentin, took a bunch of prozac just now and might take a bunch of the depakote.

Yes I'd like to talk, although don't expect any optimism from me. I have given up, just looking for a quick, painless exit. If you wanna say, why you so down?

It's fine I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know where to begin. I live with my ex boyfriend because its very complicated I don't have a lot of money, I lost my job, I thought I found love from another person but I was heartbroken, I am alone with no family here or anyone. I also have past traumas from my upbringing and all. Just a bunch of stuff happening where I just feel like I can't take it anymore. My life seems to be constant torment and I seem to always cause chaos with people.

What about you why do you want to leave?

 

[JM2RXA]

Hey Lili,

I'm not here to tell you to do one thing or another, I'm not going to preach or anything so don't worry; sorry to hear you're having a rough time, it goes without saying but I know exaclty where you're coming from.

Just wanted to drop in and say hey.

 

[lukas19]

I don't know I keep taking pills and drinking I don't think so its just gabapentin, took a bunch of prozac just now and might take a bunch of the depakote.



It's fine I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know where to begin. I live with my ex boyfriend because its very complicated I don't have a lot of money, I lost my job, I thought I found love from another person but I was heartbroken, I am alone with no family here or anyone. I also have past traumas from my upbringing and all. Just a bunch of stuff happening where I just feel like I can't take it anymore. My life seems to be constant torment and I seem to always cause chaos with people.

What about you why do you want to leave?

I think serious social anxiety from childhood which has serious affected my life choices, avoidance has been my coping mechanism. This has left me very ashamed of how weak my mind is, more than ashamed i loathe myself. I hate myself from the moment i wake til the moment i can sleep (lots of sleepers)
Ive hit my 50s now and the only way is down. Seriously tried CTB twice and gutted I am still here. I need to leave this place

 

[lili]

I think serious social anxiety from childhood which has serious affected my life choices, avoidance has been my coping mechanism. This has left me very ashamed of how weak my mind is, more than ashamed i loathe myself. I hate myself from the moment i wake til the moment i can sleep (lots of sleepers)
Ive hit my 50s now and the only way is down. Seriously tried CTB twice and gutted I am still here. I need to leave this place

I am so sorry you feel this way. I have tried to CTB through so many times in my life already. I am just 30 but I have attempted multiple times through overdoses and the gas method. All unsucseful. So I feel like I don't know Ive just given up on methods and I just float around.

But Im really sorry you feel this way. I really hate myself too.

 

[lukas19]

Not scared of dying just scared of doing a half assed job and leave myself brain damaged unable to finish the job

 

[lili]

Yeah same here. I feel like I am always running the risk of being permanently disabled with these overdoses. Thats why I don't throw myself of a building or do other stuff.

 

[lukas19]

I am so sorry you feel this way. I have tried to CTB through so many times in my life already. I am just 30 but I have attempted multiple times through overdoses and the gas method. All unsucseful. So I feel like I don't know Ive just given up on methods and I just float around.
o have succeded
But Im really sorry you feel this way. I really hate myself too.

It's mad I know people who have succeded first attempt but then people who have tried for many years. Pushed everyone away from me as i dont want to infect them with my negative thoughts (and everyone is too pro life, it does my head in) Not sure if i could overcome the survival instinct and jump building/train (also i dont wanna traumatise anyone.

Yeah same here. I feel like I am always running the risk of being permanently disabled with these overdoses. Thats why I don't throw myself of a building or do other stuff.

SN is not available in UK. Am now seriously researching inert gases but it needs to work. N seems next to impossible to obtain

 

[wantittoendsoon]

It's mad I know people who have succeded first attempt but then people who have tried for many years. Pushed everyone away from me as i dont want to infect them with my negative thoughts (and everyone is too pro life, it does my head in) Not sure if i could overcome the survival instinct and jump building/train (also i dont wanna traumatise anyone.

SN is not available in UK. Am now seriously researching inert gases but it needs to work. N seems next to impossible to obtain

if you need to talk let me know. I can explain inert gas as well if you like. Good luck.

 

[Againstthewind]

Hey Lili

I know that you are feeling crappy, be careful with taking that many pills, as some mixtures can cause more pain then death.
You said you live alone? I live alone too, it can have its pros and cons. The best being a whole bed to myself muahaha

Also, whats your drink of choice?

 

[lili]

if you need to talk let me know. I can explain inert gas as well if you like. Good luck.

I tried inert gas but found that the balloon party kit I got did not have enough helium to be successful so nothing happened. And what the hell how am I supposed to get a nitrogen tank without being too obvious so...

 

[Sunny-Moon]

I am so sorry you feel this way. I have tried to CTB through so many times in my life already. I am just 30 but I have attempted multiple times through overdoses and the gas method. All unsucseful. So I feel like I don't know Ive just given up on methods and I just float around.

But Im really sorry you feel this way. I really hate myself too.

I appreciate your honesty and candor. I also feel like I'm just floating around, untethered to reality and so sad, yet numb. I am so disappointed every morning when I wake up- ideally, it would be wonderful to pass away in my sleep. I'm in my 40s and my life was never supposed to be this way.

 

[lili]

Hey Lili

I know that you are feeling crappy, be careful with taking that many pills, as some mixtures can cause more pain then death.
You said you live alone? I live alone too, it can have its pros and cons. The best being a whole bed to myself muahaha

Also, whats your drink of choice?

I don't live alone I live with my ex boyfriend unfortunately.....

I drink sake that is my drink of choice and I'm hitting the bottle right now.

just finished it though I guess its tequila time although Im not a fan of tequila

 

[lukas19]

Thank you, If you could be so helpful, helium or argon, pros and cons? mask or exit bag? and any other relevant info. Cheers

 

[Againstthewind]

I don't live alone I live with my ex boyfriend unfortunately.....

I drink sake that is my drink of choice and I'm hitting the bottle right now.

just finished it though I guess its tequila time although Im not a fan of tequila

Hows that living arrangement?

Daaaaaaang, tequila, now that's the strong stuff!

 

[wantittoendsoon]

Thank you, If you could be so helpful, helium or argon, pros and cons? mask or exit bag? and any other relevant info. Cheers

I favor Argon since you can't be sure of Helium's purity. I favor a mask(nonrebreather or scba)

 

[lili]

ui

I favor Argon since you can't be sure of Helium's purity. I favor a mask(nonrebreather or scba)

Hows that living arrangement?

Daaaaaaang, tequila, now that's the strong stuff!

Would not recommend its more circumstantial

yeah ran out of sake so :( nothing else to drink. I still got a few pills to down. I finished all my prozac and I have more gabapentin and my try the depakote.
But I feel like depakote overdoses are weird.

 

[lukas19]

the helium in UK says pure helium (unlike USA) but argon is easily available. been looking at masks with lots of duct tape to stop any leaks

 

[JM2RXA]

I OD'd on Depakote, amongst other drugs; I couldn't say there was anything particulartly weird about it though, however I was out pretty quickly.

Depakote withdrawl on the other hand, that gives me horrifying nightmares and sleep paralysis.

 

[lukas19]

I tried inert gas but found that the balloon party kit I got did not have enough helium to be successful so nothing happened. And what the hell how am I supposed to get a nitrogen tank without being too obvious so...

Argon from ebay?

 

[lili]

I OD'd on Depakote, amongst other drugs; I couldn't say there was anything particulartly weird about it though, however I was out pretty quickly.

Depakote withdrawl on the other hand, that gives me horrifying nightmares and sleep paralysis.

Yeah my feet got really swollen and inflated, like a balloon when I was withdrawing from depakote. I think that medicine also gives me lucid dreaming and sleep paralysis.

But I have overdosed before on depakote and it landed me in the hospital for a few days.

 

[lukas19]

Different countries have different restrictions. pure Helium in large tanks seem easier to get in UK but SN is impossible to get

 

[lili]

Different countries have different restrictions. pure Helium in large tanks seem easier to get in UK but SN is impossible to get

I ordered Sn and it never arrived

 

[Roseate]

Hey everyone,

Just wrote another post after the other. I feel super sad right now and extremely depressed. I don't know what to do. A random nurse just called me from the hospital just to check in on me. I told her I had taken a bunch of pills she wants me to go to the emergency room I said no, she wanted to call ambulance I said no, then she said to call my emergency contact and she will check in on me after.

Very awkward timing to check in on me. I'm getting a bit drunk with the pills I'm taking to see if I pass out and just not deal with this. I know I can't CTB with the pills I have but I can't exist in my reality anymore, not sure if anyone experiences This.

So I don't know I want to feel connected to someone here, if anyone wants to chat here or talk about whatever problems their having right now I want to listen. Just feel lonely.

If you want someone to talk to, I'm here. Just send me a text.

 

[lukas19]

Can i ask what country you are from?

 

[lili]

Can i ask what country you are from?

Im from Puerto Rico

 

[lukas19]

Maybe another company, if its not a controlled substance (like UK)

 

[JM2RXA]

Maybe another company, if its not a controlled substance (like UK)

I don't believe SN is a controlled substance, in the UK?