changeable circumstances

[deadisbetter]

does anyone else feel as though ctb is the best way to solve their problems, even if they know if they make some changes, they probably wouldn't need to?

i'm in a really tough situation at the minute. i'm watching the person i love the most in the world slowly kill themself and put themself into constant danger, while also putting me in danger.

i know that if i were to leave and cut them out of my life, i would probably start functioning again, but i just can't. i've tried so hard, but i just can't. i can't stop loving and worrying about them.

i'll admit i haven't been here in a while, but all of a sudden i feel completely overwhelmed and i don't know a single soul on this earth that will understand except you guys.

am i stupid for wanting to ctb solely because of someone else? is that relatable to anyone? for context, this person is my parent, and it hasn't always been like this.

i'm sorry for the long post, i just need to know if there are others out there that understand how this is

 

[Abyssal]

I often do. I could probably get better, I'm certainly not currently suicidal which is proof enough of improvement.

That said, the knowledge it'll get better hasn't stopped me from multiple attempts so…I'd be a hypocrite to say it stops me. Guess it comes down to my own character flaws.

Ah sorry what I said didn't apply to your situation. I don't think your situation is stupid, it's relatable is what I tried to convey. I'll obviously recommend trying to improve you situation before jumping to conclusions, and suicide is the ultimate conclusion of our lives, so do what is best for you. However I doubt many people here will judge you for this. I hope things improve for you <3

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

Yes, that's exactly what I have been feeling which is what prompted me to write this: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/you-dont-have-to-keep-trying-if-you-dont-want-to.160708/

 

[AllMyDreams]

I don't think it's stupid at all. But generally if there is something you can do to improve the situation that isn't CTB, and you seem to have identified something, I will always recommend that you pursue that before resorting to CTB.

 

[Regen]

It's not the same, but perhaps similar in depth. I was in an abusive romantic relationship and was unable to leave for many years. I needed his love as much as I needed air to breathe, even when he treated me badly. I tried to break up many times and always came back because I thought I would die without him. I know I would have saved myself a lot of pain if I could have left him sooner. But I really thought I would have to kill myself rather than live without him.

And to your question: Yes, looking back, I think it's completely wrong to kill yourself because of one person or because of changeable circumstances. I think this is always, without exception, wrong.

But I understand that in the moment you are so entangled with the other that you feel no other solution.

 

[anxiousmess0471]

I get how you feel. Honestly, maybe if I also make some changes I can have a better life. But its the not knowing that sucks. Plus when you're suicidal and depressed. It's hard to take the steps required to keep trudging on, since everything looks so bleak. You're not stupid. Right now things seem the way they do because you're in the thick of it. But I will say that you should not ctb because of someone else. Any decision you make should be because of yourself, whether it is to ctb or to move on continue living life. I really hope you get the peace you want. I know its hard watching someone you care about ruin themselves and as a result ruin you as well. But if you think that you'll feel even some small amount of peace for leaving this person, then I think you should consider it. At least for your sake. Maybe even you leaving/cutting contact can make this person turn around and change their behaviors. There's this saying that really sticks with me, I don't know where its from though.

"Don't light yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm"

I hope that you take care of yourself. Know that there is worth for yourself. Don't let that worth diminish because of someone else.