Catastrophising (vent)

[imdrowning]

Does anyone else struggle with constantly catastrophising and thinking of the worst possible scenario all the time? I'm constantly anxious. I feel like I'm waiting for my life to be ruined, either by me making a mistake or by some event I can't control. I can't just let it go and accept what will be will be. I'm constantly trying to prepare for every horrendous possibility and freaking out at the thought of events I have no control over. I feel guilty about every thing I do and obsess over every mistake I make in case that is the thing that is going to bring my whole life crashing down. No matter what, my brain always jumps to my entire life being completely ruined, losing the people that love me, ending up homeless or in prison or cut off from society. This is one of the main reasons I want to ctb. i physically can't cope just waiting for my life to come crashing down. I can't cope with how anxious I am all day every day. I just want everything to stop. I think it comes from my childhood. My dad was a horrible man but things were kind of ok until one day the police raided our house and arrested him. My mum, me and my sister had our entire lives torn apart in the matter of seconds. I didn't see my mum happy or not-paranoid for years after. We went from a fairly normal family to me and my sister being neglected by a mum who was suddenly a single-parent, in debt, barely able to keep the house and nearly ending up in care. It took my mum years and years to recover and it ruined my childhood. She didn't do anything wrong. Me and my sister didn't do anything wrong. But our entire lives came crashing down and I think I'm just waiting for that to happen again. I can't trust anyone, I hate myself and I'm going mad being constantly anxious about everything, including things so insignificant no one else would be bothered by them. It has made my life completely miserable and unbearable and I can't cope anymore. I'm only 19, so barely an adult, but I already hate living like this everyday. I can't imagine living to old age and having to endure this for another 60/70 years +. I know ctb is basically ruining my life but at least this agonising wait would be over, and I wouldn't exactly have to deal with the consequences after....

 

[blueclover_.]

Does anyone else struggle with constantly catastrophising and thinking of the worst possible scenario all the time? I'm constantly anxious. I feel like I'm waiting for my life to be ruined, either by me making a mistake or by some event I can't control. I can't just let it go and accept what will be will be. I'm constantly trying to prepare for every horrendous possibility and freaking out at the thought of events I have no control over. I feel guilty about every thing I do and obsess over every mistake I make in case that is the thing that is going to bring my whole life crashing down. No matter what, my brain always jumps to my entire life being completely ruined, losing the people that love me, ending up homeless or in prison or cut off from society. This is one of the main reasons I want to ctb. i physically can't cope just waiting for my life to come crashing down. I can't cope with how anxious I am all day every day. I just want everything to stop. I think it comes from my childhood. My dad was a horrible man but things were kind of ok until one day the police raided our house and arrested him. My mum, me and my sister had our entire lives torn apart in the matter of seconds. I didn't see my mum happy or not-paranoid for years after. We went from a fairly normal family to me and my sister being neglected by a mum who was suddenly a single-parent, in debt, barely able to keep the house and nearly ending up in care. It took my mum years and years to recover and it ruined my childhood. She didn't do anything wrong. Me and my sister didn't do anything wrong. But our entire lives came crashing down and I think I'm just waiting for that to happen again. I can't trust anyone, I hate myself and I'm going mad being constantly anxious about everything, including things so insignificant no one else would be bothered by them. It has made my life completely miserable and unbearable and I can't cope anymore. I'm only 19, so barely an adult, but I already hate living like this everyday. I can't imagine living to old age and having to endure this for another 60/70 years +. I know ctb is basically ruining my life but at least this agonising wait would be over, and I wouldn't exactly have to deal with the consequences after....

You're the same age as me. Therapy worked for several people that i know with anxiety, though i never had it myself and just got the prescribed meds for depression. I guess my advice is to give it a shot, see how your brain reacts to prescribed meds. If that doesn't work, then you're more than justified to ctb at any time of your own choosing. I wish you luck.

 

[imdrowning]

You're the same age as me. Therapy worked for several people that i know with anxiety, though i never had it myself and just got the prescribed meds for depression. I guess my advice is to give it a shot, see how your brain reacts to prescribed meds. If that doesn't work, then you're more than justified to ctb at any time of your own choosing. I wish you luck.

Thanks, I appreciate that. I have tried several medications but had no luck with that yet. I've been on a waiting list for therapy for 3 years now. I'm just really tired of waiting :/

 

[xLosthopex]

Yes, always

 

[deathLiberation]

It will stay like that for a while. You wont be able to rush it.

That is the story of my life and even now altough i dont catastrophize as much, its still hard and comes around regularly.

It becomes more manageable the more your catastrophic thoughts dont check with reality and future outcomes.

State Media keeps on feeding you fear for a reason, so that you stay like that, expecting the worst everytime. It´s not your fault.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I catastrophize all the time. I constantly think about the worst possibilities because they can happen. This life holds unlimited potential for suffering, there is no limit as to how bad things can get. This life really is a nightmare. Whenever I have these thoughts, instead I change my focus to ctb, as for me that is the one way to be at peace and to be free from this miserable life.
I'm sorry you are going through this, for me old age is a really unpleasant thought. I cannot put up with this life for decades. I wish you the best.

 

[imdrowning]

It will stay like that for a while. You wont be able to rush it.

That is the story of my life and even now altough i dont catastrophize as much, its still hard and comes around regularly.

It becomes more manageable the more your catastrophic thoughts dont check with reality and future outcomes.

State Media keeps on feeding you fear for a reason, so that you stay like that, expecting the worst everytime. It´s not your fault.

Thanks, it's really reassuring to hear that this might get a bit more manageable

Yes, I catastrophize all the time. I constantly think about the worst possibilities because they can happen. This life holds unlimited potential for suffering, there is no limit as to how bad things can get. This life really is a nightmare. Whenever I have these thoughts, instead I change my focus to ctb, as for me that is the one way to be at peace and to be free from this miserable life.
I'm sorry you are going through this, for me old age is a really unpleasant thought. I cannot put up with this life for decades. I wish you the best.

Yeah, that's what it feels like, endless suffering. Thinking of ctb helps me too, it's the one way out of it all that ensures no more suffering. I'm sorry you're going through this too