Help can’t write my note

[schatzbunny]

i cant find the right words. i know why i want to ctb and i know because of who. but will that make a difference? will he just read it and dismiss it as "she was unstable"
i have never felt understood or like anyone truly knew me
i thought i would take the time before i ctb to leave behind all parts of me for people to find, especially for him. but im scared no one will care to read or see everything
i truly love him and want him to know that but i also am doing this to myself because of him and i want him to know that as well. anytime i start writing its a mess because this is not a decision i made because of one single thing, its so many things that piled up and idk if i should list them all or just leave a vague note and get it over with…

 

[PI3.14]

I personally did mention those who wronged me, especially my parents who were both verbally and physically abusive, treated their children differently, and were neglectful.

However, I know that they will never mention how their abuse destroyed their son emotionally, ever. They will just tell others that I was mentally unstable and mentally ill, but won't mention their part in getting me to this point.

 

[schatzbunny]

I personally did mention those who wronged me, especially my parents who were both verbally and physically abusive, treated their children differently, and were neglectful.

However, I know that they will never mention how their abuse destroyed their son emotionally, ever. They will just tell others that I was mentally unstable and mentally ill, but won't mention their part in getting me to this point.

if you know your side wouldn't be heard how are you coping with it? :(

 

[suacide]

I think I get how you feel, but correct me if not. When I write mine, I want to be able to have the perfect words to evoke the perfect feeling from the people that I mention and want to end up reading it. Comfort for some, a form of justice or revenge against others and something I can't really identify for a choice few.
I'm still grasping with the idea of it myself, but I realise there is never gonna be a perfect letter, but the one that you do end up leaving behind will be the one that is closest to that ideal. It doesn't have to be perfectly phrased or hit every note or even make all that much sense, it's yours and yours alone in the end so just write down everything and anything you want. If you feel like writing a novel and detailing every little thing, if you feel like that'll give you peace, do it. If you don't, no one can fault you.
When you're gone if you choose to, you're not gonna worry about any of this. There will be no pain or thoughts about who sees what, and for me and many others that's a comfort. It may as well have all been a dream.

 

[PI3.14]

if you know your side wouldn't be heard how are you coping with it? :(

When I CTB, I'll send both my parents the message, and also few of my siblings. Some of my siblings already know I hate my parents for their abuse during my childhood, but they don't know the how much it affected me, so I'm mentioning that in my message to them.

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

I'm not going to bother with a note. I don't think anyone will actually care what I have to say and they'll just write me off as crazy.

Mentioning specific people in a suicide note is tricky because I feel like it would only have an effect on them if they already felt guilty for what they did. And if they already feel bad I don't see a need to blame them in a note