Venting Can't move forward. Back here again

[MoonlitNight]

Hello again SS.. it's been a while
i hope this thread stays alive for a while.. i feel really alone

I have my major exam in a few days. After that we'll have a lot of people here for weeks
I thought i could relax for a while.. but my family is going to make that really hard. I have major restrictive, authoritarian parents.

Christians, don't allow me to use social media, stuff you'd expect to be taken away from a small child, at THIS AGE.
I feel so apathetic. I want to sleep and lay enjoying the last peace i have before the ruckus starts, instead of studying for the exam.
I need some dopamine so these days i usually just do it by playing games, something i won't be allowed to do when my entire family comes over.


I need to prepare, but i can't start. I hate myself so much. Its so rare that i can convince myself to get off the laptop but then i just can't start to study or concentrate.

Maybe i should start smoking to make up for the lack of happiness or something. I can't even think straight right now. I really want to harm myself but really it's not fixing anything right now. Im lost. I don't know what to do.

 

[SilentSadness]

Other people can be so cruel and insensitive, can't they, and family really means nothing at all. I wouldn't recommend smoking because it won't do anything good. However I completely relate to the lack of relaxation you describe. To me, living is discomfort and I could never relax while I'm still alive, after all death is the ultimate peace and comfort. I hope you don't have to deal with selfish people for much longer and that your future is peaceful.

 

[Janine]

Hey, I've always had the same problem when I needed to study. What can really help is knowing you're not alone; just send a message to someone along the lines of "Hey, do you understand xyz?". Furthermore, smoking will make it worse, but you won't realize that until it's too late, so don't start at all. Trust me.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a tiring situation to be in, and it must be stressful dealing with all those expectations and pressures. Life really is so cruel and there certainly does seem to be no peace from suffering in this world but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[MoonlitNight]

Other people can be so cruel and insensitive, can't they, and family really means nothing at all. I wouldn't recommend smoking because it won't do anything good. However I completely relate to the lack of relaxation you describe. To me, living is discomfort and I could never relax while I'm still alive, after all death is the ultimate peace and comfort. I hope you don't have to deal with selfish people for much longer and that your future is peaceful.

I don't believe i have a future at all but since I've been raised in a religious household. I believe in the existence of hell.. it's the only thing keeping me here.
The problem is it doesn't help thriving or anything like that sort.

Sorry i couldn't end on a lighter note, thank you for sharing your experience

Hey, I've always had the same problem when I needed to study. What can really help is knowing you're not alone; just send a message to someone along the lines of "Hey, do you understand xyz?". Furthermore, smoking will make it worse, but you won't realize that until it's too late, so don't start at all. Trust me.

I'm not allowed to text my friends..i was studying with a bestie over a call, quickly got told to put it down so i could ask one of my parents instead so i can get yelled and belittled but apparently that's better than friends.
I understand your concern but i hope you can give me an alternative. I need some amount of distraction else i feel I'll lose my mind or give in to harming myself.

That sounds like a tiring situation to be in, and it must be stressful dealing with all those expectations and pressures. Life really is so cruel and there certainly does seem to be no peace from suffering in this world but anyway I wish you the best.

it is.. especially when the people who brought you here are the ones giving you a hard time..
When you're raised in a society that demands you to look perfect to be loved
Raised in a culture that generalized idolizing people that may abuse you

Im tired...