can't keep going

[wristcutangel]

i can't keep living like this. i need to end it already but i dont know how, the best i have is a knife but that seems slow and unreliable and i'm not allowed to stay alone at the house so someone is guaranteed to find me before i'm able to bleed out. i've considered hanging, but the best i can use as an alternative to rope is scarves which could probably rip apart and even if they didn't, the ceiling fans are already breaking down so they'd end up collapsing instead. i can't go outside on my own, so jumping is unlikely too and i don't have my own money so no way to even order something online, and even if someone gave me a method for free my family would likely find the delivery first. i can't keep living this way, i genuinely don't know where to go i don't know what to do. i've tried so hard to recover too but even that's impossible when living with your abusers unable to go anywhere or do anything. i've begged my family for help, i've begged my friends to listen, i've done everything people recommend. i can't do it. i just can't live anymore but i can't die either, i wish the world would just end.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds so torturous being trapped in that situation, to me it's inhumane how suicide is purposely made so difficult for people, it really should be easier to escape from all the suffering, it's just so horrible to me how humans create so much harm in this world.

 

[void ranger]

That sounds horrible, I'm sorry you're going through so much suffering. If you're unable to ctb at the moment maybe you could look into some form of escapism? Is there anything you could do to help pass the time and take your mind off of things? Is there any way you could isolate yourself from your abusers in any way even temporarily? I'm not familiar with the details of your situation but I hope there's still something that could decrease the amount of suffering you're going through until you're in a position of more autonomy.

 

[アホペンギン]

i can't keep living like this. i need to end it already but i dont know how, the best i have is a knife but that seems slow and unreliable and i'm not allowed to stay alone at the house so someone is guaranteed to find me before i'm able to bleed out. i've considered hanging, but the best i can use as an alternative to rope is scarves which could probably rip apart and even if they didn't, the ceiling fans are already breaking down so they'd end up collapsing instead. i can't go outside on my own, so jumping is unlikely too and i don't have my own money so no way to even order something online, and even if someone gave me a method for free my family would likely find the delivery first. i can't keep living this way, i genuinely don't know where to go i don't know what to do. i've tried so hard to recover too but even that's impossible when living with your abusers unable to go anywhere or do anything. i've begged my family for help, i've begged my friends to listen, i've done everything people recommend. i can't do it. i just can't live anymore but i can't die either, i wish the world would just end.

What i would do in your situation is just run away one night, i dont know your living situation so i'm not sure how it would be carried out but if you can do it, please try. (also bring a few things or steal some money, lol) I regret that your family doesn't allow you to leave this world. In addition, its a shame that they're so stubborn on not letting you do things on your own, like going outside or staying home alone. If you can't run away then i would try to ctb at night, maybe with shallow water blackout. Just make sure to have some weights and something to tie yourself with so you don't escape in any way, I understand if you don't even have those things at home but if that is the case, i have no advice regarding ctb for you. I hope you escape from your horrible family soon and find some peace, you sound desperate. I send you my best regards.