Venting Can't enjoy anything when suicidal and nothing can help me

[Imgonnadie]

When thinking that I'll probably kill myself suddenly doing, caring about, or enjoying anything becomes quite difficult. Why cook good food if I'm gonna die? Why socialize if I'm gonna die? Why try in my classes? Why do anything?
I don't know what can help me short of winning the lottery. I'll admit I've only see one psychiatrist that said we could do talk therapy but it was useless and fizzled out. I haven't got high hopes for others. Mental healthcare is trash. I'm scared of most medication. What I really need is a better childhood and support system. Can't teach that.

 

[WornOutLife]

I've experienced that feeling several times.
Why do XX if I will ctb?

However, I realized that just thinking about ctb doesn't solve anything. If I'm not gonna ctb right now, better try to enjoy or do something as regards life.
Finding a hobby is a wise choice. There are lots of things out there.

As for me, I enjoy learning languages and watching anime and that really helps me.

 

[I_just_cba]

I think about this too. I stopped setting plans in the future and keep on thinking what's the point.

What I try to do now is just to live a normal life as possible unless I get a set date in my head. Then I can work on all my prep and won't care about food / exercise.

Noticed I've been spending a bit more money. Gotta live a little if you're gonna CTB soon right. Extra Deliveroo this week? Buy that Switch game I wanted? Hell yeah.