rotthjärta
Member
- Apr 24, 2026
- 44
As I have made others miserable, I've caused others suffering. I dwell too much thinking about how I have treated others but most of the time I feel that its deserved. I lie so much, I really hate when people meet me or want to become friends with me, my immediate reaction is to push them away. I put a lot of warning signs before letting someone in.
Its really weird processing it, I've never been the one to dwell or self loathe. In fact I never understood people who would go through depression self loathing. I've always been an outcast but its never made me hate myself, I never sat down and wished I was different. But now Im here cutting myself for someones else, for something they likely moved on from.
It would be unfair for me to continue on, what I have caused. I wont change, I don't want to. How do I look at my behavior, how do I look at my wrongs and still have zero motivation to change. Its the same with how I look at myself, my surroundings and all I wish to do is to rot more, longer than I already have been. I've never regretted my actions, I never want to change. At this point I should look for another asshole but whenever I've spoken to people like that I could only feel hatred for humans in general, I could only feel sadden, hurt, and so on.
I feel fucking miserable.
Its really weird processing it, I've never been the one to dwell or self loathe. In fact I never understood people who would go through depression self loathing. I've always been an outcast but its never made me hate myself, I never sat down and wished I was different. But now Im here cutting myself for someones else, for something they likely moved on from.
It would be unfair for me to continue on, what I have caused. I wont change, I don't want to. How do I look at my behavior, how do I look at my wrongs and still have zero motivation to change. Its the same with how I look at myself, my surroundings and all I wish to do is to rot more, longer than I already have been. I've never regretted my actions, I never want to change. At this point I should look for another asshole but whenever I've spoken to people like that I could only feel hatred for humans in general, I could only feel sadden, hurt, and so on.
I feel fucking miserable.
