Topaz111
I can feel this body in revolt
- Mar 9, 2026
- 216
Since I was about 11 I've been addicted to various things in my life, though almost never substances, just self destructive, maladaptive coping mechanisms; video games, social media, mobile games, youtube, various forms of self harm and more..
I keep quitting one thing and jumping into yet another dopamine trap or repapsing into one of the old ones. I've tried it all, the ways to calm down, soothe myself, journal, go on walks in nature, hot bath etc.. they are nice and can help keep me clean during better periods, but when shit gets extra stressful I come back to the harmful habits because the healthy ones do not come even close to how effective the maladaptive ones are (in short term).
I think I am doomed to stay like this unless my life situation improves and I am not constantly triggered by shit. My biggest issue is my physical health and honestly if I get the surgery and it works it would make it 50x easier to stay clean.
For now though, I think I should accept this is how I am and have grace given my circumstances (especially since ny genes don't help either)
I keep quitting one thing and jumping into yet another dopamine trap or repapsing into one of the old ones. I've tried it all, the ways to calm down, soothe myself, journal, go on walks in nature, hot bath etc.. they are nice and can help keep me clean during better periods, but when shit gets extra stressful I come back to the harmful habits because the healthy ones do not come even close to how effective the maladaptive ones are (in short term).
I think I am doomed to stay like this unless my life situation improves and I am not constantly triggered by shit. My biggest issue is my physical health and honestly if I get the surgery and it works it would make it 50x easier to stay clean.
For now though, I think I should accept this is how I am and have grace given my circumstances (especially since ny genes don't help either)
