Venting Can i call it hallucinating due to trauma?

[c.c]

I have been molested twice as a minor by 2 different people and just recently i noticed that i am starting to hear things relateded to my trauma like - when i was alone at home ( which i rarely am ) i kept hearing the sound of door closing and opening ( it is realated to my 1st time being molested 3 weeks before my 7th birthday) and it resulted in me locking every single door and window..
I live in 10th floor with sealed windows and in a building with pretty good security system

 

[LostHope556]

Hey I understand. Actually, I came here to ask about something similar. What a coincidence.
Hell, I deeply feel that I'm still being tortured and tormented and violently molested.
This current reality where I'm typing this is just a coma dream. A dissociation to escape the pain.
It's not real. I just need to wake up. But I don't want to.

The only way out is through death, and I've known that for a very long time.

I can't fight, run or hide.


And yes, sometimes I almost see figures at the foot of my bed. I used to sleep with a gun, and locked everything, so yup yup and yup.

Yipee for us I guess

 

[c.c]

I am going through the exact same hell ...i dont see figures but also feel like there is someone and sadly i don't have any weapon to protect myself with...and i still havn't escaped my 2nd molester ( close cousin ) and when the day does come maybe i would have to get raped and then maybe then i might be able to die and rest in peace i longed for so long

 

[bankai]

7th birthday....OP I'm tearing up.I wish I could just hug you. Squeeze you. Childhood is an extremely difficult time to navigate. We don't deserve to deal with this bullshit
I'm so sorry.

 

[c.c]

Thank you..and yeah i kinda always thought of it as a dream cuz i was so scared and had no clue about these things i went to sleep and next morning every one so normal it felt like a nightmare..took me 10 years and a bf to finally accept that it was molestation and it did happen to me and the time i realised was also the same time i got molested and just the next month( my birthday month) few days later ...i was molested for another 2 months...i use to think of it as blessing that i wasn't raped atlest but now i feel like i would have been better off raped and muder the 1st time that happend