Venting Cain

[happy1234]

I used to like to think I was a reasonably kind person with patience and empathy. But after being twisted into a shell/ghoul of sorts from pure anguish I find myself feeling like a black hole of hate. I want to kill and hurt now. Kill those who have abused me and wronged me. I know its a foolish and counter productive thing, but I cant stop the constant flood of murderous thoughts. I compulsively envision how im going to make it painful as possible for them and it hurts my head too. I know its an immature defense mechanism of sorts but i dont know nowadays. I feel like i could actually commit unspeakable acts now after experiencing unspeakable things mentally. Its scary to think i can understand the thought process behind murderers now, what I once thought was an impossible act. Aren't all suicidal people 'murderous' anyways why not let that self directed anger spill out towards those who deserve it karmicaly. I dont mean to sound like an angsty school shooter, I just have this torturous rage and maybe by typing it out it will quell it some.
Those who are so secure and maliciously oblivious to the pain they cause, guarded by their personal consciousness bubbles, blessed by the 'how you process reality' lottery. If they are not able to experience terrible awareness and accountability they should at least know physical anguish. The great equalizer

 

[itsgone2]

I know what you mean. Regrets over past mistakes are a big reason I'm here, but I've also been wronged. It's hard to not want revenge.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

Honestly the more time you spend getting hurt, the more you want to hurt people back. It's got nothing to do with patience or empathy because those do eventually run out. Even a worm will turn on you if you wrong it enough.

Is it childish? Maybe. But the reason we as a species like catharrsis so much is that we have a sense of justice and wish to see evil get punished and good deeds get rewarded.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Aren't all suicidal people 'murderous' anyways

No. Murder is the intentional taking of a life of another. Killing of oneself is not murder, nor does it make one murderous.